I haven’t been posting a lot lately, but not because things haven’t been going on. Rather, a lot has been going on but I’ve been reluctant to mention anything because, yet again, everything seems to be in major flux. Hence, it’s hard for me to comment about things knowing that by the time I finish a post, they will have changed. And then, when I post an update, they have changed yet again. That tends to drag down my enthusiasm a bit.

Currently, the main news is the job. Things continue to be very difficult in terms of the administration side; nothing bad where people hate each other in the office, but just that all of the optimism and hope that was there when I first started is pretty much entirely gone. The real starting point of the spiral into suckiness is when a game project that we had lined up was “put on hold indefinitely,” and we never were able to recover from that. Now, we just have the one project, and it’s been nothing be an absolute nightmare in working with the client. The miscommunication is profound, and currently we are still owed 2 months worth of pay. We “should” have a paycheck next week, but beyond that, honestly, things don’t look good at all. After the Hell that was last year, it looks like I’m just going to be going through the whole thing yet again. Maybe this time I can work some of the contacts I made previously, but offhand, I fear that I’ll be starting from scratch all over again. What’s worse is that because of the lack of paychecks, I’ve already burned through any money that I had saved up from the first few months. The only good thing is that I might have made enough to get back on unemployed.

I have reached out to some of my former contacts with other companies, and will continue to do so. The trick is, as always, nothing is available right now, so I will need to wait for something to open up. I also will be looking at non game-design field jobs, again, in hopes that I can at least land something to pay the bills.

There were plans to move a couple of weeks ago — the idea was to move in with a couple of the guys from work, and the money that would be saved in rent, as well as the money that would be saved by selling the car, would have been substantial enough to make an instant difference in my budget. But, all of that is on hold (and apparently canceled), as the lack of the aforementioned paychecks makes it impossible for us to actually pay the cost of moving in the first place. Even though it would be far cheaper in the long run, nobody has the cash to make the initial move and cough up the money the first month rent, security deposit, moving costs, and possible realtor fee.

Now, technically, I could foot the bill of moving. I finally broke down and transferred money from my small CD to my checking account, so I would have enough to cover my share. The other guys, however, would not. Likewise, I could, theoretically, move into a place of my own, but the rent will then be much higher, and wash out most of the savings generated by selling the car. Still, I should look into it, I suppose, just to weigh my options, as it’s still better to be in the city than out of it.

On the dating front, I had the opportunity to date a lovely young girl who got along with me surprisingly well. Naturally, such happiness cannot be allowed to continue, so she’s going to Washington tomorrow for the entire month of August. Story of my life. Or, should I say, “SOML.” All the cool cats are doing the abbreviation thing. In any case, I am grateful for at least the dates that we have had; one should enjoy the sliver of sunshine that breaks through the overcast sky, not bemoan the brief existence of it.

Also, next week I shall be off for my annual pilgrimage to Wisconsin for the family bash. Ironically, however, on the actual day of the Bash, neither of my parents will be there. Mom will be taking TMG off to Michigan for a shin-dig her side of the family is having, and Dad is off on a canoe trip, which still totally blows my mind. Keep in mind that this is the man who never joined me on an Boy Scout camping trip, but a week-long canoe trip? No problem! I suspect that something else is at play, here, and my Dad is actually a top agent going on some classified mission to preserve peace and stability in the world. Makes perfect sense to me, anyway.

The bright spot in all this gloom is that I have a chance to really get back into one of my projects and start major work on it. I want to get some video work done, I have a number of game ideas, and even some drawings I want to tackle.

More later, I am sure.

I had neglected to mention a certain occurrence upon my return from the airport:

It was late, and surprisingly hot for the evening, especially since I had figured that ha left all of the heat back in Florida. As I unlocked the door to my humble bedroom apartment, I was greeted with the stretch of putrid poultry and rotting pork.

Cripes, I thought, I could have sworn that I had cleaned out the fridge, and emptied the trash. Where was that smell coming from–

“Hello,” said The Bearer of Bad News.

“Oh,” I replied, as I felt my stomach tighten and intestines cramp. “It’s you.”

“In the decomposing flesh,” TBoBN cheerfully replied. “How was your trip?”

“Since you weren’t there,” I noted, “you should guess that it was really quite good. More relaxing than I realized.”

“Glad to hear it,” it said with a nod. “Maybe it’ll soften the sting.”

I merely grumbled in response as I dropped my luggage off on my bed and starting opening windows before the odor melted the glass.

“First of all,” it continued, following me around like a hellhound puppy, “you recall those Disney Trading Pins that you bought? The ones that cost about $50? Yeah, they’re gone. Lost like a tourist trying to navigate the West Village.”

“Swell.” I didn’t mean it, of course, but you can’t encourage The Bearer of Bad News. Not that it needs encouraging, really.

“Also, you know your fear about losing your job over vacation, like last year?”

“Kinda hard to forget,” I answered.

“Well, you still have your job, so rest easy on that part. But there’s been a major foul-up happening, not by any fault of the company, mind you, and your paycheck won’t be coming in for a while yet.”

I grunted. That one hurt.

“And just to top it off and show why you should never, ever, ever go on a vacation again, that one girl that you had a few dates with – you remember, the cute one that was a huge World of Warcraft fan – has decided to stop seeing you because you don’t have a living room set.”

There was a pause.

“Seriously?” I asked.

“Yeah,” it replied in a voice of uncertainly. “Honestly, man, I don’t quite get it either. I think it has something to do with the fact that you, as the modern day adventurer, do not look like someone who has all that stable of a career. And I mean, hey, given what I just told you, can you blame her? People don’t get involved in games to get rich.”

“Well, that’s all just spiffy,” I said sardonically. “Are you done now? I have pictures to transfer over to the computer.”

“Yeah, my work here is done,” it said cheerfully. “Oh, and before I forget: don’t use the bathroom for a while. I sort of cut a hole in the ozone when I was in there, if you get my drift.”

“Unfortunately, I do,” I said, fighting my gag reflex.

A snap of thunder, flash of deep red light, and the ending notes to “It’s a Small World” echoed through the apartment as The Bearer of Bad News vanished.

As always though, it’s going to take more than a bottle of Pine-Sol to get the stink out of my nose.

Tom Izzo should take money out of the equation as he ponders Cavaliers | cleveland.com.

For the 23 people on the planet who are not aware, LeBron James is currently a free agent. Lesser known outside of the NBA is that the Cavs are also looking for a new coach, who may or may not have LeBron as a player.

Terry Pluto has written a nice column about why the potential coach, Tom Izzo, should not be looking at the money when considering the job, and brings up a truism that I’m reminded off often in my line of work:

I once took a project for the money. But I made a list of all the non-financial reasons that I wanted to do it. The idea was to convince myself that I wasn’t doing it for the money.

It was self-deception.

The project also was a disaster. Because money was the ultimate bottom line, and my heart wasn’t in it. When challenges came, I wanted to bail out. I finished the job, but it wasn’t anywhere close to my best work.

I had a discussion with my mom last night about whether or not I had made the right choice with my current job, as opposed to the offer from the larger company, which would have paid more.

But in the end, everything else about my job is great: the people, the work, the working climate. As a small game company, money is always going to be a concern, and it’s something that I knew going in.

Of course, I suspect that I would have really liked the people and work at the other company, too, but I doubt that we’d be having nearly as merely discussions about Team Fortress 2, The Disney Afternoon, or why Captain America could totally take out Batman in a fight.

I’m currently out of cereal at home, and given that I’m forgoing eating out/getting take out, this morning looked like I would be skipping breakfast (aside from water and the last packet of hot chocolate I have by my desk), but then I ran across a package of breadsticks in my backpack. This was from last Thursday, when I had the (sometimes) weekly meeting about my side game project over at a trusty diner. I got one of those side packets of breadsticks, and not being hungry enough to eat them, but also not liking to waste food, I put them in my backpack. And here we are now, where this handy foresight will provide me with something to nom-nom-nom on. Yay!

My decision to avoid eating out is two-fold: First, to just save some more money, as it’s very easy to wind up eating out in the city, and the second reason is to also control my food intake a bit more. Even though I have been active in rec leagues, I’m not as active as I could be/should be. Some Wii Fit should help, but before I started packing away huge plates of pasta again, I need to get the body moving, so that I can counter-balance the calories coming in. I’ve been looking into gyms, but am pretty sure that unless I find a really cheap deal, I won’t be deciding anything for a few months. Besides my own desire to move, my actual workplace may be moving, as well. So, if I can’t base my gym on the location of my home or my work, it’s not worth it to make a selection just yet. And besides, I can do home workouts — I just have to up my dedication. And it’s not like I don’t already have a fair amount of gear at home that I can use; sure, the rebounder keeps breaking springs, but hey, can I help it if I’m that intense?

[ S H I E L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]

The goal for this week is to maintain some productivity, both at work, as well as home. Things have been moving forward fairly well at work, although I still don’t feel like I’m getting as much done as I would like. At home, it’s a mixed bag — there are always chores and errands to do, so that takes up some time. There are also the various video games I’m working on, so that, too, takes up some time. But I also admit that there have been other things that I tend to slack off on, usually in favor of — to use my mother’s term — froofraing around on the Internet. I know, it’s so unusual — someone being distracted by the Internet! Shock! Horror!

I keep thinking I should try actually blocking out time for a project each night, as if I was in a college course again. Set aside 3 hours or so to putter away on one project or another. I never wind up doing this, largely because I like keeping things free. But hey, now that I think about it, it’s not like I can do any worse than I already am, right?

Hmm. We’ll have to see how that works… I’ll get back to you on that….

So, I finally got my taxes done; for those not aware, chasing down my W2 from Rebel Monkey (or, to be more precise, the company that handled our tax forms) was a long, arduous process which probably had a lot more intrigue and drama going on that I didn’t know about. Which, I suspect, is for the best. Since the W2 was the last piece to my refund puzzle, I went through tonight an online tax preparation site to take care of things.

I was surprised to have a refund, as I’ve been hearing from many different sources that the government was going to tax the America population back into the stone age, so I was fully prepared to have to check off the boxes which stated that I did have gold inlays in my teeth, and that some large, burly man would be down shortly to forciably remove them to fund the new health care bill. Amazingly, however, that didn’t happen, so I’m guessing that that part of the legislation doesn’t go into effect until next year.

My refund is bigger than last year, which is what I guessed, considering I made quite a bit less than last year, but I have to admit that I basically finally caved in and paid to have my returns, both federal and state, efiled by the website. This was not cheap, trust me, but in the end I justified it to myself in that the state refunds basically paid for themselves, and the convenience of both getting everything done at once, as well as not having to go back over a vast sea of forms that would need to be tracked down, was worth the price of admission.

I think that it is safe to say that the tax refund will, mainly, be going into savings account; that poor bloke really took a beating last year, and needs quite a bit of help before he’s fully standing on his own two feet. However, I also think that I will allow myself to buy a video game, and, probably even more likely, a gamecube controller to plug into my Wii so I can start into the vast array of used GameCube games that I bought last year.

In both cases, I need to make sure I keep the receipts, so I can plan on deducting them from next year’s taxes. As a game designer, after all, they are considered “business expenses: research.”

Good times, my friends. Good times.

I started a new file on my EeePC that I call “Train of Thoughts,” which is mainly to jot down notes and random thoughts I have while on the train/subway. To be fair, often these are things that I have noticed earlier, but didn’t get around to writing down. Anyway. here’s the current batch:

[ S H I E L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]

The floor my office also has a few law firms on it, and so we all get to share the one bathroom. The layout, itself, is somewhat odd as only one person can stand by the paper towel dispenser, and even then, he’s blocking the door. However, what’s really odd are some of the blokes who share the bathroom. My one coworker, for example, was somewhat disconcerted to overhear a guy talking on his cell phone to his girlfriend while the gentlemen in question was parked in a stall “doing his business.” My coworker, being the courteous guy he is, flushed the toilet in the stall next to the guy, just so the girl would be aware of the circumstances of the conversation in case the guy had neglected to mention it.

My own personal favorite event was entering the restroom to see a man standing at the urinal, using one hand to “guide his sword” and the other to tap away a text message on his Blackberry. I can only imagine what that Tweet read.

[ S H I E L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]

You know that it’s getting warmer in the city when the tour groups starting coming out.

[ S H I E L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]

How come we haven’t had a movie that uses the word “deliver” as a threat? Think about it:

Imagine a film about a homicidal maniac working for a courier company, killing the customers that he visits. Right before he disembowels one, he says, “I’m going to de-liver you….”

[ S H I E L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]

My friend Renata had tweeted a quote about leadership she had gotten from a manager or something, which said something like, “Leadership is bringing about events that otherwise would not have happened.”

It’s a good example of why I’m pretty leery of a lot of these management quotes and books; as I posted back to her: “So I’m providing leadership when I call in sick to work so I can stay home and watch TV?” I mean, based on the logic of the statement, the answer would be yes.

I followed up by proving that I could come up with a better quote, using something I thought up during the 5-minute commute into the city:

“Leadership is inspiring ordinary people to extraordinary accomplishments.”

I like mine much better; heck, I’m probably qualified to write a management advice book now.

[ S H I E L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]

I have gained a new covert to the “Tron” film. My coworker had sent me a link to the “Tron Legacy” trailer, and during the ensuing discussion, i learned that he, himself, had not yet seen the original. Resolved to rectify this injustice, I lent him my copy of it, and the following Monday when he returned he merely said, “Awesome movie; now I really gotta see the sequel.”

Another human has seen the light of truth, and has thus been saved. Hallelujah!

[ S H I E L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]

Finally, there were some discussions last week about the Go-Bots and the Transformers, back in the 80s. And it’s funny, because I distictly remember being a bigger fan — much bigger, in fact — of the Go-Bots and wouldn’t give the Transformers the time of day.

Then I saw the Go-Bots movie.

Afterward, I pretty much never watched another Go-Bots episode or bought another toy. In fact, that was when I started going entirely to the Transformers for my shape-shifting robot needs.

Besides the movie just being dull and boring in general (and remember, I was a kid at this time, so my demands of movies were far less than they are today), I also am still struggling to comprehend which executive thought it was a good idea to have the new line of robots introduced be able to shift into the form of rocks.

To paraphrase a scene from the movie “Big:” I mean, here you have all these other robots that change into cars, and jets, spaceships, and now you have a line that transforms into… rocks. I’m sorry, but the excitement of a bucket of rocks doesn’t quite match that of a bucket of futuristic planes, cars, and cities.

Given that I have now finished a month of work (well, not really, as I started on the 10th, but c’mon — polka with me, here), I thought I’d write a bit about it. After all, defining what a Game Designer does can actually be rather difficult at times.

Currently, however, it’s quite easy: I do a lot of writing.

I mean, a truckload of writing. A busload — wait! A speeding busload that will explode if it goes under 55 mph! And has to jump a bridge! Yeah!

You get the drift.

Pretty much since I started, I having been hammering away at the keyboard, building up the Game Design Document (GDD). This lovely clump of text describes, at a high level, how the entire game operates. It needs to basically be the equivalent to a TV series Bible. Every question needs to have an answer within; every detail needs to be cataloged; every nook filled with a delicious butter.

This is not as simple as it sounds, because what always winds up happening is that as you start writing up the details of one aspect of the game, you begin to discover ten new elements of the game that need to be addressed, ranging from the programming, to the networking, to the UI, to the actual game mechanics, themselves. And, of course, each of those elements leads to yet another ten things to sort out and settle, at which point you realize that having figured them out, now half of your original statements need to be revised and/or updated to keep everything in line, and so on.

Furthermore, when you write the GDD, you also have to keep in mind that probably about 25% – 50% of what you write is going to need to be adjusted and revised once Q&A starts, and people actually start interacting with the entire system. That’s when you get the explosions of bugs and features that need/should be added, and you suddenly understand why pretty much every piece of software made these days needs a series of patches and updates.

That said, I should note that I’m actually having a ball. I’m pretty much in charge of developing the system; there was some ground work in place when I started, but there has been a lot that has been since added and expanded. Others have been sounding boards and have definitely helped, but still, there are large chunks of the game which, as it currently stands, I can point to as pretty much my idea. That’s both really cool, and really scary. The game’s development time means it will be a while before we complete it, but I’m really interested in seeing this thing developed. It’s a really big project — not so big that it’s overwhelming, but definitely something that is honestly right in the sweet spot of “difficulty.”

This upcoming Thursday is my next big deadline; I’m feeling pretty confident about it, but just need to make sure I don’t get to self-assured. As I mentioned, a lot of new questions might need to be answered as we continue to pour over the GDD for completeness.

By the end of March, we should actually see some of the game in action, and I have this feeling that it’s going to be like when you work for days on a 2-second animation piece, and then see it for the first time. So much time spent for such a brief moment, but that moment is so incredibly awesome that you can’t wipe that idiotic grin off your face.

Well, that’s my gut feeling, anyway. Check back in about a month, and we’ll see!

So I have a job now. Mind you, not completely, as we still have to sign all the papers and the like, but the offer was extended, and I accepted.

In the truly ironic twist, I had to really think over it, as I actually had 2 job offers competing for my attention. Both were for great companies, with people that I had a good vibe with, and for projects that I thought were really, really cool. But, in the end, I had to choose one, and after a weekend of deliberation and some chatting with various folks in the industry (and the family) I settled with the guys at OneNine Studios. A small group of around 5 or so veterans from the industry, I think I’ll have a bit of a better chance to work on a number of different types of games.

Oh, and yes, the job title is Game Designer, so it is offically a “FTW!” moment.

Tomorrow I am supposed to start, assuming that the city is not paralyzed by the approaching snowstorm. Good thing I have my new boots, jacket, and scarf, eh?

Otherwise, I just feel like it will actually take a little while for me to settle in fully; after the rollercoaster ride of the past 6 months, I’m not taking anything for granted. And, let’s also remember, that I won’t be getting paid until the end of the month, either. But I think that once we are into March, I just might start to get giddy.

I just want to note that things are happening on the job front.

Naturally, we have to wait and see how everything is going to play out, but regardless, it almost — almost — feels like a watershed moment.

So far the past couple of weeks have been a dramatic departure from what was going on most of last year. Whereas things in 2009, particularly the last three months, seemed to be mainly stagnant or, at best, just a slow, agonizing crawl over salt-coated glass shards spread through a wading pool filled with lemon juice, 2010 has shown a bit more hustle, both on my part, as well as “outside forces.” Now, I have significantly upped my own drive, making an average of 50-75 “approaches” (resumes, cover letters, phone calls, interviews) over the past 2 weeks, but beyond that, there appear to be forces at work beyond my understanding. I have been hearing from companies and people that I had contacted months ago — in one case, all the way back in August.

Again, I want to stress that I’m not taking anything for granted; I still have to make sure I do the proper follow-up work to keep as many possibilities alive as possible.

Still, this is basically a level of weird-good comparable to suddenly getting a number of calls from girls that had only dated you once, and are now asking if you’re up for some brunch.

Feast or famine.

So heck, let’s eat!

Why do “hired” and “fired” rhyme even though the words represented diametrically opposed ideas? Very handy for written poems and song lyrics, true, but still….

[ S H I E L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]

I have been using my WiiFit for about a week and a half solid, now, but I have switched from the strength resistance about a week ago to aerobic training. See, the “Free Step” exercise program allows you to do step aerobics for durations of 10, 20, or 30 minutes while you watch TV. Just set it all up, then switch over the TV input to watch something. In the past I had used DVDs, but do to the dead remote, I have been unable to properly utilize the DVD/VCR player.

But, last week, I had a brainstorm.

I had started playing Kingdom Hearts II, which I have been told that I will never finish because of its “Epic of Gilgamesh-ish” length. Having actually finished the first game (not an easy task, I freely admit), I am determined to wrap this one out, and I released that instead of sitting around for 4-5 hours playing, I could just as easily play while stepping on and off the Wii Balance Board.

Playing Kingdom Hearts II while “playing” WiiFit in the background. Talk about meta-gaming.

Not surprisingly, I’m not doing the Free Step for 4-5 hours; just the 30 minutes. I have, however, upped the challenge for me: rather than just have the balance board sitting on the ground, which means I’m only stepping uo and down by the grand total of 2 inches, I have raised the balance board up on to my futon frame — about 6-7 inches or so. This makes no difference to the Free Step “game,” but certainly makes a difference to me. I’m always working up a sweat this time, and certainly feel like I’m getting a decent workout.

At some point, I should get back into the strength training, but for now, it’s nice to know that I have a system in place that pretty much insures I’ll be getting some exercise every day.

I’m so bloody clever.

[ S H I E L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]

The first pass at the basic stats for the indie game I’m working on with The Wizard and Curly were wrapped up last night. I need to do some testing with the basic numbers, but then can send those only so that they are ready to be plugged into the game when the programming is ready.

I admit that there’s something of an odd development going on: the job I interviewed for should be getting back to me within a week or so, and naturally I’m still looking into other options. But assuming I get the job, I would then have to proceed to most likely abandon the game because it could fall under a “non-compete” clause of the new job. And it would be a shame to have to stop work on this–

Oh who am I kidding — I would drop it easily. Sure it’s been fun and I think it’s a strong idea, but it also isn’t paying me anything. A job trumps it, easily.

The flip side is that if I do not get the job, this will just be even more motivation to get the game wrapped up ASAP. Right now, I’m wondering if we might be able to hit a testable version of the game by the start of next month. And hey, that’d be some serious progress.