A friend of mine pointed out a site, www.myveryworstdate.com, which — as the name implies — is a collection of bad dating experiences submitted by the users.
First, the important news: I am not on there. Not yet, anyway. While I don’t think that I ever did anything that bad during a date, it’s not hard to see how a date that you might have thought as “disappointing” being considered by others to be “horrendous.” And, as I look over some of the things that girls have written on this site, it wouldn’t surprise me if one of my past dates is posted. Fortunately, I don’t think it would be very highly rating by the users given that:
- I never got smashed on a date
- I never threw up on a date
- I never asked a date to pay for the whole tab
- I never asked a date to marry me/said I was in love/etc. the first time we met
- I never overslept past the meeting time
- I never got arrested during the date
- And, perhaps most importantly, I have never lied about my height.
Some of the submissions say as much (if not more) about the person writing them than the date. In some cases, the people fully admit that they were the cause if the “bad” part of the date, and in still others, you get the sense that the person who is being written about was, in fact, the lucky one to escape. I recall one a guy wrote about trying to salvage his relationship with his girlfriend, but in the end, he inadvertently shows why he was such a loser to begin with: he drank too much, drove while drunk, and in general, took his girlfriend for granted. He thinks that she broke up with him because he threw up on her and accidentally set her on fire (which is a good enough reason by itself, really) but I think even if he had avoided both of those disasters, the relationship was doomed regardless.
The site also got me thinking again about the whole issue of a guy being expected to pick up the tab on the first date. I have long felt that this was a deeply flawed system (largely because I never seem to have the spare cash to do this on a regular basis), but it has also become a strong litmus test for me. Now, if it’s something like a coffee or just a drink, then it’s not a problem. But if it happens to be a full-fledged meal, then the question always arises for me: “Do I like this girl enough that I’m willing to spend xx for just the chance to see her?” Because, you see, this is the point: there’s no guarantee that she’s going to want a second date. It’s entirely possible she’s just looking for a free meal. So it’s not as if picking up the tab (i.e. spending money on her) will ensure a second date.
And, more to the core of me, if I really like a girl, I’m going to want to do things for her, regardless.