…I saw a magazine with the headline, “Engaged to be Married!”
I always thought this phrase was a bit redundant. I mean, seeing a gossip magazine with the word “Engaged” in the headline makes it pretty clear what’s happening; I wouldn’t think that it would be something like, “Engaged to go Bowling” or something.
[ S H E I L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]
Remember how I had mentioned that I hoped the new Cleveland Browns regime dropped the False Start Master, John St. Clair? Well, they did a couple of weeks ago, among some other veterans.
Again, I’m not sure why he was in the line-up; if anything can be pointed to as a failure of Mangini’s coaching (aside from the two years of 5-11), this is definitely it.
I saw this posted on cleveland.com today, and thought it was a pretty nifty oppurtunity. Sure, it’s pretty thankless, highly stressful, and everyone who has tried it in the past ten years has been fired, but the plus side that you get paid kooko-sized bucks, and they pay you even after being fired! Talk about awesome!
And besides, all Cleveland Brown fans have all said the same thing at some point: “I could do better than this.”
I have returned to the airwaves, so to speak. I wound up buying a new Droid phone for $50, and have been enjoying it and its functionality quite a bit now.
Then, I actually got a call from NJ Transit’s Lost & Found — my phone had been turned in and was ready for pick-up. Nice! Sure, I already had a new phone, but now I have a nice back-up, and even better, I can get the info off of that phone in terms of contacts, notes, etc.
Although I will admit, I think that a lot of my former contacts on the Blackberry are not going to be transferred over, as a number of then are numbers I haven’t called (or heard from) in a long time. So, a good time to cull the dead weight, really.
[ S H E I L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]
The Browns played a pretty close game against the Jets, and while you can say that the Browns had their chances to win, I think it’s important to note that the Jets also had their chances to end the game early — two missed field goals from 25 yards or less is pretty sad.
But who cares? That 2-minute drive by Colt McCoy to force overtime was a thing of beauty. The Browns are actually fun to watch again! Ye gads!
[ S H E I L D B R E A K ! ! ! ]
Yesterday morning I went to opening the main living room blinds to see the weather outside, and the blinds tore off the window sill and crashed down to the floor. It was brilliant comic theater.
I managed to get it fixed last night (after I picked up my lost phone, no less), but given that the plaster is apparently not the strongest thing, I think I’ll be using the blinds rather sparingly from here on out.
It’s been quite a while since I wrote up a parody, but this one was stuck in my brain and refused to vacate the premises until I actually put it to paper. Or to a word processor file, at any rate. It’s a song about the final raid instance of World of Warcraft, so, yeah — might not make a lot of sense to many of you, but it’s still fun.
Party in the ICC (parody of Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA") By Matt Plotecher I hopped off my mount in Icecrown's map Stoked! Close to an aneurysm Welcome to the land of level cap, (boo) until "Cataclysm" Just to be honest, My last raid was Molten Core Look to my right and I see Jania Proudmoore This is all so crazy Gear is all over 270! My tummy's turnin' cause all the Scourge kinda smell sick Too much pressure but I right-click That's when the Vento chat turned on in my headphones And the leader called our spots And we skipped the story plots And the leader said "More dots!" So I get my buffs up They're calling out "tank" And the thunderclaps are set free Tauntin' the shades like yeah Pullin' the wraiths like yeah, And I got my threat up, They're focused on moi The restro shaman's healin' me Yeah, it's a party in the ICC Yeah, it's a party in the ICC Get to The Spire as DPS Everybody's lookin' at me now Like "Who's that bro, that's drawin' aggo? He'll get killed like a Goldshire cow." So hard with my guild not around me It's definitely not a Outland party Cause' all ore drops are saronite What happened to adamantite? Bone Storm is spinnin' and I'm bleedin' from that Coldflame If we wipe now it'll be a shame That's when Marrowgar dropped 2 Emblems of Frost Now it's time for Deathwhisper Then a Gunship Battle tour Finishing with Deathbringer! So I get Thottbot up I'm searching my class Also hittin' up WoWWiki Readin' 'bout Rotface, yeah Checkin' Festergut, yeah And I got add-ons up With my cooldown times Tracking my threat will be easy Yeah, it's a party in the ICC Yeah, it's a party in the ICC Feel like hoppin' in a PuG (like a thug) Gather lots of loot to lug (bags are snug) Something tells me it's worthwhile (in style) As long as we don't get all wiped by Defile! So I put my heals up All on Dreamwalker Here comes a Blistering Zombie Floatin' through orbs like yeah (Emerald Vigor!) Stackin' buffs up like yeah (Healin'!) Now Sindragosa's up Battle for survival Damn Blistering Cold, time to flee (that damn icy grip) Yeah (brr cold), it's a party in the ICC (ouch) Yeah, it's a party in the ICC And now there's the Lich King Just chilling in his throne But then summons Horrors with glee (and Drudge Ghouls) Quakin' the floor like yeah (collasping the floor, yeah) Plaguin' the raid like yeah (stacking us up like yeah) And I got those DOTs on of Plague and Infest I hope we reach Phase 4 quickly (Where the hell is Terenas?) Yeah, it's a party in the ICC Yeah, it's a party in the ICC (Party in the ICC!)
So the whole Tiger Woods infidelty is ancient news by now, and I realize that there have been plenty of “Tiger Woods endorses condoms” parody ads on the web for a while, but after a discussion with the guys at work today, we came up with a few slogans that I liked too much to not do anything with. Hence, I whipped up some quick and simple ads for Trojan brand condoms featuring Tiger Woods. I know, highly original, right?
I have not laughed this hard at a video in a long, long time. It’s 3 and half minutes, so you can definitely sneak it in between meetings.
I had neglected to mention a certain occurrence upon my return from the airport:
It was late, and surprisingly hot for the evening, especially since I had figured that ha left all of the heat back in Florida. As I unlocked the door to my humble bedroom apartment, I was greeted with the stretch of putrid poultry and rotting pork.
Cripes, I thought, I could have sworn that I had cleaned out the fridge, and emptied the trash. Where was that smell coming from–
“Hello,” said The Bearer of Bad News.
“Oh,” I replied, as I felt my stomach tighten and intestines cramp. “It’s you.”
“In the decomposing flesh,” TBoBN cheerfully replied. “How was your trip?”
“Since you weren’t there,” I noted, “you should guess that it was really quite good. More relaxing than I realized.”
“Glad to hear it,” it said with a nod. “Maybe it’ll soften the sting.”
I merely grumbled in response as I dropped my luggage off on my bed and starting opening windows before the odor melted the glass.
“First of all,” it continued, following me around like a hellhound puppy, “you recall those Disney Trading Pins that you bought? The ones that cost about $50? Yeah, they’re gone. Lost like a tourist trying to navigate the West Village.”
“Swell.” I didn’t mean it, of course, but you can’t encourage The Bearer of Bad News. Not that it needs encouraging, really.
“Also, you know your fear about losing your job over vacation, like last year?”
“Kinda hard to forget,” I answered.
“Well, you still have your job, so rest easy on that part. But there’s been a major foul-up happening, not by any fault of the company, mind you, and your paycheck won’t be coming in for a while yet.”
I grunted. That one hurt.
“And just to top it off and show why you should never, ever, ever go on a vacation again, that one girl that you had a few dates with – you remember, the cute one that was a huge World of Warcraft fan – has decided to stop seeing you because you don’t have a living room set.”
There was a pause.
“Seriously?” I asked.
“Yeah,” it replied in a voice of uncertainly. “Honestly, man, I don’t quite get it either. I think it has something to do with the fact that you, as the modern day adventurer, do not look like someone who has all that stable of a career. And I mean, hey, given what I just told you, can you blame her? People don’t get involved in games to get rich.”
“Well, that’s all just spiffy,” I said sardonically. “Are you done now? I have pictures to transfer over to the computer.”
“Yeah, my work here is done,” it said cheerfully. “Oh, and before I forget: don’t use the bathroom for a while. I sort of cut a hole in the ozone when I was in there, if you get my drift.”
“Unfortunately, I do,” I said, fighting my gag reflex.
A snap of thunder, flash of deep red light, and the ending notes to “It’s a Small World” echoed through the apartment as The Bearer of Bad News vanished.
As always though, it’s going to take more than a bottle of Pine-Sol to get the stink out of my nose.
So, some of you may remember my reaction to an online game that was going by the name of Empire Craft. Well, I had meaning to try a somewhat dramatic reading of that “intro” blurb that they had on their site for a while (looks like it’s down by now). A quick reading followed by some classic background music, and taa-da!Intro to Empire Craft! Dramatic!