It’s been quite a while since I wrote up a parody, but this one was stuck in my brain and refused to vacate the premises until I actually put it to paper. Or to a word processor file, at any rate. It’s a song about the final raid instance of World of Warcraft, so, yeah — might not make a lot of sense to many of you, but it’s still fun. 
Party in the ICC (parody of Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA") By Matt Plotecher I hopped off my mount in Icecrown's map Stoked! Close to an aneurysm Welcome to the land of level cap, (boo) until "Cataclysm" Just to be honest, My last raid was Molten Core Look to my right and I see Jania Proudmoore This is all so crazy Gear is all over 270! My tummy's turnin' cause all the Scourge kinda smell sick Too much pressure but I right-click That's when the Vento chat turned on in my headphones And the leader called our spots And we skipped the story plots And the leader said "More dots!" So I get my buffs up They're calling out "tank" And the thunderclaps are set free Tauntin' the shades like yeah Pullin' the wraiths like yeah, And I got my threat up, They're focused on moi The restro shaman's healin' me Yeah, it's a party in the ICC Yeah, it's a party in the ICC Get to The Spire as DPS Everybody's lookin' at me now Like "Who's that bro, that's drawin' aggo? He'll get killed like a Goldshire cow." So hard with my guild not around me It's definitely not a Outland party Cause' all ore drops are saronite What happened to adamantite? Bone Storm is spinnin' and I'm bleedin' from that Coldflame If we wipe now it'll be a shame That's when Marrowgar dropped 2 Emblems of Frost Now it's time for Deathwhisper Then a Gunship Battle tour Finishing with Deathbringer! So I get Thottbot up I'm searching my class Also hittin' up WoWWiki Readin' 'bout Rotface, yeah Checkin' Festergut, yeah And I got add-ons up With my cooldown times Tracking my threat will be easy Yeah, it's a party in the ICC Yeah, it's a party in the ICC Feel like hoppin' in a PuG (like a thug) Gather lots of loot to lug (bags are snug) Something tells me it's worthwhile (in style) As long as we don't get all wiped by Defile! So I put my heals up All on Dreamwalker Here comes a Blistering Zombie Floatin' through orbs like yeah (Emerald Vigor!) Stackin' buffs up like yeah (Healin'!) Now Sindragosa's up Battle for survival Damn Blistering Cold, time to flee (that damn icy grip) Yeah (brr cold), it's a party in the ICC (ouch) Yeah, it's a party in the ICC And now there's the Lich King Just chilling in his throne But then summons Horrors with glee (and Drudge Ghouls) Quakin' the floor like yeah (collasping the floor, yeah) Plaguin' the raid like yeah (stacking us up like yeah) And I got those DOTs on of Plague and Infest I hope we reach Phase 4 quickly (Where the hell is Terenas?) Yeah, it's a party in the ICC Yeah, it's a party in the ICC (Party in the ICC!)
So the whole Tiger Woods infidelty is ancient news by now, and I realize that there have been plenty of “Tiger Woods endorses condoms” parody ads on the web for a while, but after a discussion with the guys at work today, we came up with a few slogans that I liked too much to not do anything with. Hence, I whipped up some quick and simple ads for Trojan brand condoms featuring Tiger Woods. I know, highly original, right?
I have not laughed this hard at a video in a long, long time. It’s 3 and half minutes, so you can definitely sneak it in between meetings.
I had neglected to mention a certain occurrence upon my return from the airport:
It was late, and surprisingly hot for the evening, especially since I had figured that ha left all of the heat back in Florida. As I unlocked the door to my humble bedroom apartment, I was greeted with the stretch of putrid poultry and rotting pork.
Cripes, I thought, I could have sworn that I had cleaned out the fridge, and emptied the trash. Where was that smell coming from–
“Hello,” said The Bearer of Bad News.
“Oh,” I replied, as I felt my stomach tighten and intestines cramp. “It’s you.”
“In the decomposing flesh,” TBoBN cheerfully replied. “How was your trip?”
“Since you weren’t there,” I noted, “you should guess that it was really quite good. More relaxing than I realized.”
“Glad to hear it,” it said with a nod. “Maybe it’ll soften the sting.”
I merely grumbled in response as I dropped my luggage off on my bed and starting opening windows before the odor melted the glass.
“First of all,” it continued, following me around like a hellhound puppy, “you recall those Disney Trading Pins that you bought? The ones that cost about $50? Yeah, they’re gone. Lost like a tourist trying to navigate the West Village.”
“Swell.” I didn’t mean it, of course, but you can’t encourage The Bearer of Bad News. Not that it needs encouraging, really.
“Also, you know your fear about losing your job over vacation, like last year?”
“Kinda hard to forget,” I answered.
“Well, you still have your job, so rest easy on that part. But there’s been a major foul-up happening, not by any fault of the company, mind you, and your paycheck won’t be coming in for a while yet.”
I grunted. That one hurt.
“And just to top it off and show why you should never, ever, ever go on a vacation again, that one girl that you had a few dates with – you remember, the cute one that was a huge World of Warcraft fan – has decided to stop seeing you because you don’t have a living room set.”
There was a pause.
“Seriously?” I asked.
“Yeah,” it replied in a voice of uncertainly. “Honestly, man, I don’t quite get it either. I think it has something to do with the fact that you, as the modern day adventurer, do not look like someone who has all that stable of a career. And I mean, hey, given what I just told you, can you blame her? People don’t get involved in games to get rich.”
“Well, that’s all just spiffy,” I said sardonically. “Are you done now? I have pictures to transfer over to the computer.”
“Yeah, my work here is done,” it said cheerfully. “Oh, and before I forget: don’t use the bathroom for a while. I sort of cut a hole in the ozone when I was in there, if you get my drift.”
“Unfortunately, I do,” I said, fighting my gag reflex.
A snap of thunder, flash of deep red light, and the ending notes to “It’s a Small World” echoed through the apartment as The Bearer of Bad News vanished.
As always though, it’s going to take more than a bottle of Pine-Sol to get the stink out of my nose.
So, some of you may remember my reaction to an online game that was going by the name of Empire Craft. Well, I had meaning to try a somewhat dramatic reading of that “intro” blurb that they had on their site for a while (looks like it’s down by now). A quick reading followed by some classic background music, and taa-da!
Intro to Empire Craft! Dramatic!
From the fark.com Photoshop thread of May 12, 2010, by "supdog"
Nothing like some half-and-half in the morning....
Took the above photo this morning at the train station. You have to imagine, too, that this was honestly a sky that was split in half: everything on the right was overcast, while everything on the left was clear. It was like the whole sky was overcast until someone just ripped half of the cloud cover away, like “Heck, it’s a lovely day, let’s open the shades, eh?
Friendly political discourse
I have to admit, this one actually made me laugh.
Something to keep in mind, ladies, the next time you're out at a bar.
I wonder if Ben Roethlisberger could use this as part of his next night out on the town?
For those not aware, this is Diesel’s (a trendy clothing maker) latest ad campaign. I can’t say that I think it’s all that great of one, personally. True, I’m not probably not the market share this is aimed out, but ye gads, are they really trying to encourage people to be stupid? If so, how about some more straightforward ads like, “Be Stupid. Buy Our Stuff,” “Only The Most Idiotic Morons Would Spend Money Here,” or even “You Braindead, Mindless, Dolts! Get Away From Us!”
Then again, maybe they are trying to turn “stupid” into a compliment. But if so, they’re about a decade behind the times: back when she had a show on ABC, Ellen DeGeneres covered that in an episode. Sorry, Diesel, but you’re not worthy of being called “stoopid.” But keep on tryin’, ace!
Just a typical day at Penn Station
Ah, the joy of commuting….
Stylish display stand, eh?
So, who exactly loses a shoe in the subway and doesn’t realize it?
Actually, I like to pretend this was some MFA Grad Student’s thesis project; cryptic, unintuitive, and vague enough that they can BS about it for the entire thesis year.
(Why, yes, I am a MFA Grad; why do you ask?)
Mind the gap
As someone who was hit by a car, I admit this thing always makes me wince.
Gaze into my eyes, helmet....
This is not my photo, but I love it because it looks like Mike Holmgren is hypnotizing the Browns Helmet. “You will install components of the West Coast Offense….”
What’s that you say? You liked James Earl Jones in “Coming to America” and wished someone used his dialogue in a mash-up with the original Star Wars? Well, lucky you, someone did just that! And it’s fantastic!
While at the glory that is CostCo last night, I saw that Cheerios, that time-honored bastion of healthy breakfast rituals, has actually released a “Chocolate Cheerios” brand, made, it assures us, with “Real Cocoa!”
Personally, I was appalled at this obvious breach of moral contract! Cheerios must remain pure! Free from the blatant grab for market share that this so clearly is! What’s next? Sugar-Coated Special K? Quaker Oats Oatmeal with Marshmallows? My outrage poured forth before me, down the aisle in a river of seething rage.
Then I bought a couple of boxes. After all, I like things that taste like chocolate.
A friend of mine pointed out a site, www.myveryworstdate.com, which — as the name implies — is a collection of bad dating experiences submitted by the users.
First, the important news: I am not on there. Not yet, anyway. While I don’t think that I ever did anything that bad during a date, it’s not hard to see how a date that you might have thought as “disappointing” being considered by others to be “horrendous.” And, as I look over some of the things that girls have written on this site, it wouldn’t surprise me if one of my past dates is posted. Fortunately, I don’t think it would be very highly rating by the users given that:
- I never got smashed on a date
- I never threw up on a date
- I never asked a date to pay for the whole tab
- I never asked a date to marry me/said I was in love/etc. the first time we met
- I never overslept past the meeting time
- I never got arrested during the date
- And, perhaps most importantly, I have never lied about my height.
Some of the submissions say as much (if not more) about the person writing them than the date. In some cases, the people fully admit that they were the cause if the “bad” part of the date, and in still others, you get the sense that the person who is being written about was, in fact, the lucky one to escape. I recall one a guy wrote about trying to salvage his relationship with his girlfriend, but in the end, he inadvertently shows why he was such a loser to begin with: he drank too much, drove while drunk, and in general, took his girlfriend for granted. He thinks that she broke up with him because he threw up on her and accidentally set her on fire (which is a good enough reason by itself, really) but I think even if he had avoided both of those disasters, the relationship was doomed regardless.
The site also got me thinking again about the whole issue of a guy being expected to pick up the tab on the first date. I have long felt that this was a deeply flawed system (largely because I never seem to have the spare cash to do this on a regular basis), but it has also become a strong litmus test for me. Now, if it’s something like a coffee or just a drink, then it’s not a problem. But if it happens to be a full-fledged meal, then the question always arises for me: “Do I like this girl enough that I’m willing to spend xx for just the chance to see her?” Because, you see, this is the point: there’s no guarantee that she’s going to want a second date. It’s entirely possible she’s just looking for a free meal. So it’s not as if picking up the tab (i.e. spending money on her) will ensure a second date.
And, more to the core of me, if I really like a girl, I’m going to want to do things for her, regardless.