I haven’t been posting a lot lately, but not because things haven’t been going on. Rather, a lot has been going on but I’ve been reluctant to mention anything because, yet again, everything seems to be in major flux. Hence, it’s hard for me to comment about things knowing that by the time I finish a post, they will have changed. And then, when I post an update, they have changed yet again. That tends to drag down my enthusiasm a bit.

Currently, the main news is the job. Things continue to be very difficult in terms of the administration side; nothing bad where people hate each other in the office, but just that all of the optimism and hope that was there when I first started is pretty much entirely gone. The real starting point of the spiral into suckiness is when a game project that we had lined up was “put on hold indefinitely,” and we never were able to recover from that. Now, we just have the one project, and it’s been nothing be an absolute nightmare in working with the client. The miscommunication is profound, and currently we are still owed 2 months worth of pay. We “should” have a paycheck next week, but beyond that, honestly, things don’t look good at all. After the Hell that was last year, it looks like I’m just going to be going through the whole thing yet again. Maybe this time I can work some of the contacts I made previously, but offhand, I fear that I’ll be starting from scratch all over again. What’s worse is that because of the lack of paychecks, I’ve already burned through any money that I had saved up from the first few months. The only good thing is that I might have made enough to get back on unemployed.

I have reached out to some of my former contacts with other companies, and will continue to do so. The trick is, as always, nothing is available right now, so I will need to wait for something to open up. I also will be looking at non game-design field jobs, again, in hopes that I can at least land something to pay the bills.

There were plans to move a couple of weeks ago — the idea was to move in with a couple of the guys from work, and the money that would be saved in rent, as well as the money that would be saved by selling the car, would have been substantial enough to make an instant difference in my budget. But, all of that is on hold (and apparently canceled), as the lack of the aforementioned paychecks makes it impossible for us to actually pay the cost of moving in the first place. Even though it would be far cheaper in the long run, nobody has the cash to make the initial move and cough up the money the first month rent, security deposit, moving costs, and possible realtor fee.

Now, technically, I could foot the bill of moving. I finally broke down and transferred money from my small CD to my checking account, so I would have enough to cover my share. The other guys, however, would not. Likewise, I could, theoretically, move into a place of my own, but the rent will then be much higher, and wash out most of the savings generated by selling the car. Still, I should look into it, I suppose, just to weigh my options, as it’s still better to be in the city than out of it.

On the dating front, I had the opportunity to date a lovely young girl who got along with me surprisingly well. Naturally, such happiness cannot be allowed to continue, so she’s going to Washington tomorrow for the entire month of August. Story of my life. Or, should I say, “SOML.” All the cool cats are doing the abbreviation thing. In any case, I am grateful for at least the dates that we have had; one should enjoy the sliver of sunshine that breaks through the overcast sky, not bemoan the brief existence of it.

Also, next week I shall be off for my annual pilgrimage to Wisconsin for the family bash. Ironically, however, on the actual day of the Bash, neither of my parents will be there. Mom will be taking TMG off to Michigan for a shin-dig her side of the family is having, and Dad is off on a canoe trip, which still totally blows my mind. Keep in mind that this is the man who never joined me on an Boy Scout camping trip, but a week-long canoe trip? No problem! I suspect that something else is at play, here, and my Dad is actually a top agent going on some classified mission to preserve peace and stability in the world. Makes perfect sense to me, anyway.

The bright spot in all this gloom is that I have a chance to really get back into one of my projects and start major work on it. I want to get some video work done, I have a number of game ideas, and even some drawings I want to tackle.

More later, I am sure.

Last night, I finally got around to replacing the texture of the lifts in my UT3 level. I had been putting this off for, well, months, mainly because I just didn’t want to go through the process of recooking and republishing everything. The first time through doing that took quite a long time, and I had little interest in revisiting those aspects.

However, the replacement of the texture went easier than I expected — since the lifts are animated, they require separate “rules” in how they interact within the level, but the static meshes that they are built from are treated like any other static mesh: just place the new material on the base mesh and all instances of it are updated properly.

“Oh. That was easy.”

I then cooked the level, knowing it would take around 5-10 minutes due to the size of the level and lighting, and now just have to make some of those less-fun adjustments to the .ini file and readme info, so that everything is properly updated.

Of course, there are still a couple more things beyond that: I need to upload it all in zip file form to a public FTP site, get Mr. 188 to test it on his computer to make sure it runs properly, and then post a link to the file on the EPIC forums. I’m not expected a world-beater reaction, but it will be very nice to finally get this off my plate, and it also gives a little more ammo for the resume.

Hmm, thought: I have Steam installed on my work computer… I bet I can install UT3 here as well, and then do separate testing without having to bug Mr. 188. That’s handy, eh?

So, I finally got my taxes done; for those not aware, chasing down my W2 from Rebel Monkey (or, to be more precise, the company that handled our tax forms) was a long, arduous process which probably had a lot more intrigue and drama going on that I didn’t know about. Which, I suspect, is for the best. Since the W2 was the last piece to my refund puzzle, I went through tonight an online tax preparation site to take care of things.

I was surprised to have a refund, as I’ve been hearing from many different sources that the government was going to tax the America population back into the stone age, so I was fully prepared to have to check off the boxes which stated that I did have gold inlays in my teeth, and that some large, burly man would be down shortly to forciably remove them to fund the new health care bill. Amazingly, however, that didn’t happen, so I’m guessing that that part of the legislation doesn’t go into effect until next year.

My refund is bigger than last year, which is what I guessed, considering I made quite a bit less than last year, but I have to admit that I basically finally caved in and paid to have my returns, both federal and state, efiled by the website. This was not cheap, trust me, but in the end I justified it to myself in that the state refunds basically paid for themselves, and the convenience of both getting everything done at once, as well as not having to go back over a vast sea of forms that would need to be tracked down, was worth the price of admission.

I think that it is safe to say that the tax refund will, mainly, be going into savings account; that poor bloke really took a beating last year, and needs quite a bit of help before he’s fully standing on his own two feet. However, I also think that I will allow myself to buy a video game, and, probably even more likely, a gamecube controller to plug into my Wii so I can start into the vast array of used GameCube games that I bought last year.

In both cases, I need to make sure I keep the receipts, so I can plan on deducting them from next year’s taxes. As a game designer, after all, they are considered “business expenses: research.”

Good times, my friends. Good times.

Given that I have now finished a month of work (well, not really, as I started on the 10th, but c’mon — polka with me, here), I thought I’d write a bit about it. After all, defining what a Game Designer does can actually be rather difficult at times.

Currently, however, it’s quite easy: I do a lot of writing.

I mean, a truckload of writing. A busload — wait! A speeding busload that will explode if it goes under 55 mph! And has to jump a bridge! Yeah!

You get the drift.

Pretty much since I started, I having been hammering away at the keyboard, building up the Game Design Document (GDD). This lovely clump of text describes, at a high level, how the entire game operates. It needs to basically be the equivalent to a TV series Bible. Every question needs to have an answer within; every detail needs to be cataloged; every nook filled with a delicious butter.

This is not as simple as it sounds, because what always winds up happening is that as you start writing up the details of one aspect of the game, you begin to discover ten new elements of the game that need to be addressed, ranging from the programming, to the networking, to the UI, to the actual game mechanics, themselves. And, of course, each of those elements leads to yet another ten things to sort out and settle, at which point you realize that having figured them out, now half of your original statements need to be revised and/or updated to keep everything in line, and so on.

Furthermore, when you write the GDD, you also have to keep in mind that probably about 25% – 50% of what you write is going to need to be adjusted and revised once Q&A starts, and people actually start interacting with the entire system. That’s when you get the explosions of bugs and features that need/should be added, and you suddenly understand why pretty much every piece of software made these days needs a series of patches and updates.

That said, I should note that I’m actually having a ball. I’m pretty much in charge of developing the system; there was some ground work in place when I started, but there has been a lot that has been since added and expanded. Others have been sounding boards and have definitely helped, but still, there are large chunks of the game which, as it currently stands, I can point to as pretty much my idea. That’s both really cool, and really scary. The game’s development time means it will be a while before we complete it, but I’m really interested in seeing this thing developed. It’s a really big project — not so big that it’s overwhelming, but definitely something that is honestly right in the sweet spot of “difficulty.”

This upcoming Thursday is my next big deadline; I’m feeling pretty confident about it, but just need to make sure I don’t get to self-assured. As I mentioned, a lot of new questions might need to be answered as we continue to pour over the GDD for completeness.

By the end of March, we should actually see some of the game in action, and I have this feeling that it’s going to be like when you work for days on a 2-second animation piece, and then see it for the first time. So much time spent for such a brief moment, but that moment is so incredibly awesome that you can’t wipe that idiotic grin off your face.

Well, that’s my gut feeling, anyway. Check back in about a month, and we’ll see!

As I was washing dishes tonight (chores — oboy!), the classic track “Introduction – Manor” from the renown album “An Introduction to AD&D” came on, and as I listened to the adult actor attempting to be a 14-year old boy, the following line caught my fancy: “..you quickly tire of the safe life here in town. Just over the next hill must be danger, wealth, and fame.”

This brought to mind a discussion I had with Mark a little while ago about some of the difficulities I’ve had dating:

“A lot of the girls that I had an interest in, I would lose that, because it seems that they are more concerned with my job status and income,” I explained. Keep in mind that this discussion was happening during my unemployment phase, so I was rather sensitive to a potential date’s money-grubbing tendencies. “And it bothers me to think that this girl, who otherwise seems really cool, would then dump a guy should he lose his job or something.”

“But,” Mark countered, “remember that what a lot of girls are looking for is the stability of a guy with a steady, secure job. Someone who is settled into their career and will be there for years.”

“well, then,” I muttered, “I’m pretty much screwed.”

See, working as a Game Designer is not something that anyone could consider to be a “safe” profession. Not even counting to risk of being in small start-ups (like my last and now current job), even larger studios can be merge and shed jobs, and beyond that, often people, upon completing a long project, will move on to something else. Pretty much straight freelance/contract work, and there’s no guarantee of continued work via that model.

Now, personally, I’m fine with the uncertainty of being a Game Designer. But now I do have to think that maybe in the world of D&D, I would most likely be an adventurer, roaming from gig to gig, never entirely sure where my next meal is coming from, and accept that a path such as mine is fraught with peril and the knowledge that I walk it alone.

The dangers of cramps in my WASD hand are my sole burden to bear.

I just want to note that things are happening on the job front.

Naturally, we have to wait and see how everything is going to play out, but regardless, it almost — almost — feels like a watershed moment.

So far the past couple of weeks have been a dramatic departure from what was going on most of last year. Whereas things in 2009, particularly the last three months, seemed to be mainly stagnant or, at best, just a slow, agonizing crawl over salt-coated glass shards spread through a wading pool filled with lemon juice, 2010 has shown a bit more hustle, both on my part, as well as “outside forces.” Now, I have significantly upped my own drive, making an average of 50-75 “approaches” (resumes, cover letters, phone calls, interviews) over the past 2 weeks, but beyond that, there appear to be forces at work beyond my understanding. I have been hearing from companies and people that I had contacted months ago — in one case, all the way back in August.

Again, I want to stress that I’m not taking anything for granted; I still have to make sure I do the proper follow-up work to keep as many possibilities alive as possible.

Still, this is basically a level of weird-good comparable to suddenly getting a number of calls from girls that had only dated you once, and are now asking if you’re up for some brunch.

Feast or famine.

So heck, let’s eat!

I made a list this morning (well, early afternoon — I overslept again), and actually managed to mark everything off of it:

1) Send out Fireside Chat Log End of the Year review.

2) Follow-up with West Coast game company.

3) Follow-up with a local game company.

4) Catch up on various e-mails.

5) Work on the side game project (this is currently in progress, so I haven’t marked it off just yet).

Not bad for a “shortened” day, and this isn’t even counting my nifty meta-gaming moment, in which I was doing the Free Step on the WiiFit for 30 minutes while playing Kingdom Hearts II on the PS2. And, because just stepping up and down on that balance board is not something that I think is really giving me a respectable workout, I placed the board on my futon frame, so it was about a half foot of the ground. Definitely better workout.

Tomorrow will be another short day, but for good reason: I have an interview in the afternoon, and then that evening will be going to my first basketball scrimmage. Of course, these means that I’ll have my gym bag with me on the interview, as I doubt they would appreciate it if I just arrived in my gym clothes. Still, here’s hoping it goes well, as it’s with a great local company.

As for the basketball game, I just have to remember to bring my ankle brace. Oh, and to try and avoid breaking a finger. I hate when that happens.

Well, as I made my weekly Unemployment Claim this morning, I got a weird glitch that made me wonder if the claim had been properly processed. There was a “Payment History” button, so I clicked on it, expecting to see something like a bank statement.

Instead, it showed me the maximum amount of benefits I was allowed through the program, and then how much I had left. The amount remaining is, in fact, quite smaller than I expected.

See, my time on Unemployment runs from this past July until the upcoming July of 2010; basically a full year. Unfortunately, there is apparently only a certain amount that you are allowed within that time, and according to my budget projections, I will be out of UI by the end of January. My savings will last me another 2-3 months, and then I’m completely broke.

Hence, with that rather sobering thought, I’m casting my job net even wider than before. If anyone who reads this blog (all 2 of you) happens to come across job openings that I could use my various skills of video editing/filming, motion graphics, multimedia design, audio work, etc. let me know. I’ll still be looking into game jobs, but now I really need something to pay the bills.

The trip home to Wisconsin is going to be a bit bittersweet as a result. On one hand, I’ll be able to see the family and relax, as well as save money on food and utilities, but on the other hand, I’ll also be pretty much unable to make any headway in the job hunt until Jan 4th, when everyone is back from the holidays.

Ah, fiddlesticks.

I haven’t been on LJ for a bit, and let’s face it, a large part of that is that Wordpress is, honestly, the cool new toy I got; it’s the Buzz Lightyear to LJ’s Woody. After I work my way through the “new-ness” of Wordpress I might start posting more on LJ, but I admit that the ability for me to be able to upload and basically control all of my own content, as opposed to relying on other sites, puts the 300-pound gorilla — or even more awesome, Mr. T — in Wordpress’ corner.

Beyond that, though, that past few days were spent in idyllic Wisconsin for my cousin’s wedding. A good time was had (that will eventually be a Fireside Chat Log), but now it’s back to the dirty business of finding employment in the gaming industry. And yeesh, this is not for the faint of heart. Today has been productive, at least, with a couple more resume’s sent out, an attempt at getting a meeting arranged, and (still to come) a follow-up phone call.

The personal game project with The Wizard and Curly is likely going to be the main focus for the rest of the year, though. Whereas when job-hunting you’re often at the mercy of the unknown-yet-perfectly-nice folks in the respective HR departments, at least with our own little project is something that I have much more control in; in fact, I spent a fair amount of time this past weekend working on (gulp) math equations — dear God, what have I become?!

Actually, I need to work on yonder equations some more. It’s all about balancing out the units, and while it looks like it may work, I really want to see these in practice ASAP.

In other news, with the Tampa Bay Bucs having won their first game, it’s not surprising that the Browns are now, officially, ranked as the worst team in the NFL. And really, how can you argue otherwise? As I’ve stated many times before, it’s not that they Browns are losing, but are so utterly non-competitive. Current rumor is that Quinn takes the field again on Monday Night. Frankly, I do not believe that it will make a difference, given that the same issues will still exist in terms of the rookie WRs, the right side of the line, the lack of a running game, and Brain Daboll’s highly-suspect playcalling. Browns fans now find themselves in an odd position: do you hope that the Browns continue to implode so that the case for a “strong, credible football” man gains enough momentum that Lerner is forced to let Mangini go if that football guy demands it, or do you hope that the Browns actually improve and win a few games in the remainder of the season, which will ease the pain, but weaken the case against Mangini? (For the record, I would like to see what Mangini can do if he just focuses on coaching (he had more success in NY with that approach, after all), but that would require a football-guy hire within the next week or two, which I am doubtful will happen).

Oh, speaking of football, I missed the last game of my rec football league, and have heard that while they had some nice plays, they lost, and again did not score any touchdowns. Given that I was the QB for most of the season (and we lost all but 1 game, and only scored 2 offensive touchdowns), I admit that I feel better in knowing that it was not just me.

Tonight there was a triumvir (don’t you love it when you can use a word like “triumvir” in a sentence?) between me, the programmer (AKA The Wizard), and the artist (AKA Curly). We meet over in the West Village around 8 to go over the game that we have been talking about.

Now, up to this point, things have been a bit… I don’t know–relaxed? We were all looking into the aspects of making a game, and largely for some exposure for all of us. But tonight, it almost seemed like a watershed moment. During our meeting over a plate of mixed appetizers, water, tea, and 2 hot chocolates, we managed to, well, get a lot done:

• We decided that we were going to treat this game as a long-term endeavor. In other words, this wasn’t going to be designed as a quick throw-away game to develop and then set aside to work on something else.
• We settled on some of the early support thingys we would need: hosting space, subversion repository, Wiki pages, bandwidth concerns, etc. Starting in December, we’ll each be paying about 3$ a month to cover development costs. Not a lot, but to me, the fact that we’re putting money in is a pretty serious step.
• The game design was smoothed out a bit. A lot needs to be done, still, but we have officially begun the process of starting to streamline things towards a first prototype.
• We decided to focus on the Flash development of the game, first, and put the iPhone development aside for now.
• When we left, we each had a clear idea of what the next steps will be; for art, for programming, and for game design.

It’s… a bit of a strange feeling. I mean, The Wizard and Curly already have jobs, and my current job is looking for a job. So, each of us have something more important to take care of, and yet it really is starting to feel like this project is growing in importance.

I think it’s a strange feeling for me because when I’ve worked on group projects outside of work, they have been pretty short for the others, and I shouldered the majority of the work. Here, however, it really will be split among the three of us. Often, such an arrangement can lead to problems if one person loses interest and pulls out. But The Wizard and Curly seem to be just as interested in making this thing work. And — here’s the kicker — since this is just the three of us setting our own timelines and agendas, I’m really curious as to what we can make in the end. I’ve worked with these guys a lot before, and know the quality that they can produce, and the idea that the three of us might be able to design, develop, and distribute a game on our own is something that just works in my imagination.

A lot of work lies before us, and I’m certainly not canceling my unemployment benefits anytime soon, but I will say that if this project maintains its momentum, the next few months — regardless of my employment status — will have me feeling a lot better than the past few months.