Name: Matt Plotecher
Kingdom: Animal
Phylum: Isn't this part of a tree?
Class: Matt has no class
Order: A large chocolate shake to go
Family: The Plotechers (duh)
Genus: He's not that smart, actually
Species: There's some debate over this

Description:

Born in Madison, WI., during the heart of a full moon, Matt was formally introduced to the world on June 7th, 1974. Draw from that what you will. Since then, he's moved 15 times, but mostly in the Midwest, ensuring his "traditional Midwestern values" would remain strong. Whatever that means.

He was exceptionally hyper as a child, although it's doubtful that he would have tested positive for ADD or ADHD, given that he probably wouldn't have even been able to complete the exam before ricocheting out of the room. His best subject was, of course, recess, and he split his time on the playground between amazing his classmates by running underneath them while they were on the swings and standing against the school wall as punishment for doing so. As he grew into the cruel world of junior high and the even more hellish world of high school, he acquired a taste for The Dr. Demento Show, Douglas Adams, and Monty Python, altering even more his already ususual brain chemistry. Although he was very much a Grade-A introvert, he still displayed his outbursts of exuberance in Boy Scouts, theatre class, and the 8-bit Nintendo system. His love for animation started here, which turned out to be a pretty good thing.

During his freshman year in college, he made new friends by jumping on their couches and utterly refusing to share any of his snacks. His academic standing was officially "No Great Shakes," but both his instructors and his roommates' trophy dates suggested a switch to an art college. Thus, the next year he transferred from the OSU Newark Campus to the Milwaukee Institute of Art and Design. Surrounded by 4H pencils, acrylics, and people just as askew as he was, Matt managed to finally find his focus, without the aid of martial arts or Starbucks, no less. He transferred again the next year, this time to the Columbus College of Art and Design, whereupon he gravitated towards the Media Studies department, and devoured (or was devoured by, depending on who you ask) his courses in video production, interactive design, and animation. His work was rewarded with the Vagabond Scholarship, the renaming of one of the editing suites into "The Plo-Kenzie Suite" (which has yet to officially happen, unfortunately), and the legacy that his weirdness was pure and good, untainted by vice.

Upon graduation, he did some quick freelance work before driving off to L.A. to find his fame and fortune. Oddly enough, it seemed to require spending two and a half years working as a Night Custodian Host (which is Latin, of course, for "Graveyard Shift Janitor") at Disneyland. One night while he was cleaning the kitchen mats in the Penny Arcade, Matt had an ephiphany. He was flipping a floor mat over to hose off the back, and the ends of it slapped down into a standing puddle. The grease, grime, and residual cleaner that had pooled in the water showered over his face and partly open mouth, bringing with it a moment of clarity: He realized that he really wasn't meant to spend any more time in that line of work. Thus, his beloved minivan was packed up again, and he was back off to Milwaukee, this time taking the southern route in order to visit some friends, drive a little bit on the world-reknown Route 66, and stay in the even more world-reknown Motel 6.

Shortly after his return to his homeland, he spent several months in serious pursuit of more meaningful employment, and eventually achieved this goal, landing a position with the Reynolds and Reynolds company. Once again stakes were pulled up, and his base of operations were moved to Dayton, Ohio. He currently works in the interior communications department, handling just about everything dealing with multimedia presentations, including shooting video, video editing, video compositing, animation (traditional, Flash, and 3-D), photography, image touch-ups and manipulations, and interfaces for both the web and CDs. In his spare time, he does much of the same, working on his own art projects, as well as getting outside for fresh air, fresh ideas, and fresh dairy products. In addition, he has finally fulfilled those old childhood dreams of taking both drum and vocal lessons, and is not afraid to use the knowledge he's gained on an unsuspecting populace.

Recently, Matt was treated to a series of revelations, truths, and new drinks, and has thus found new life and vigor after bearing the brunt of corperate life head-on. New plans are being made. Old plans are being removed. Pictures have been hung. Boxes have been pitched. And with fedoras at the ready and headphones near at hand, the adventure continues.

Over the years, Matt has had scores of accolades heaped upon him; here are some of his personal favorites:

"Matt, you are the most whacked out major...."
R. Petry

"Sometimes I have to wonder where your head is...."
R. Saks

"I've always wanted a fedora... damn you...."
K. Jennings

"What girl wouldn't want to hang out with a guy in a gray fedora?"
S. McHugh

"Last name unpronounceable."
Transcript from the McFarland trial

"There's a full moon out tonight; I don't want you hurting anyone."
C. "Sparky" Read

"You're a bad, bad man!"
C. Muth

"You scare me."
K. McFarland

"What in blazes were you smoking when you wrote that script?"
B.J. Hughes

"...but after reading John Nowak's _Icarus,_ [Matt Plotecher's] _Fly To The Light_ can only disappoint."
D. Tower

"Don't do that -- only a very strange person would intentionally remind others of criticism directed at himself."
J. Nowak

"How can you have The Offspring and Beethoven in the same CD stack?"
S. Williams

"He's really tall."
P. Bundy

"Thank you! I've waited so long and it was so worth it!!!"
Name Withheld (until those checks stop coming in, anyway)

"You look scary!"
Anonymous young child

"I'm starting to fear you and your vast reserves of Ranger/fandom information."
J. Wikstrom

"You're not bad...just mean, resentful, and full of hate."
C. Muth

"The world is a better place with a tall man walking around 24 hrs. a day wearing a fedora."
E. Homan

"I do believe that you're smarter than the average stripper."
L. Gibson

"In spite of finding you very interesting, I'm having more and more trouble coming up with things to talk about."
T. Brocket

"My honest first impressions of him: he's not entirely stud-muffin in terms of looks...."
K. Piehl

"You're insane."
Matt's Father

"That is soooo computer geek coolness that you have a job (job as in computer process) that will have to run for days. It's like you're calculating weather patterns on Mars or something :)"
M. Spiezio

"I thought you were a mannequin."
Lady in Music Store

"[He's] insane. In the coolest of ways."
M. Brunner

"Oh yeah, I know he'd make a great bullshitter."
K. Nieusma

"Thank you, God!"
A. Manning

"You make me laugh. :D"
A. Kroph

"You just made me smile my first heartfelt smile in days."
J. Harris

"Please confirm you are a human below."
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