[The theme song begins for "Ranger Science Theater 3000". It starts with
a long shot of the city park, trucking in on the Ranger HQ.]

VOICE OF CASSANDRA: In a not too distant city
                    Inside a big oak tree
                    There was a mouse named Gadget
                    Just as sweet as can be

[Scene cuts to Gadget (a mouse) and Foxglove (a bat) reading over some
 "Psychology Yesterday" magazines and apparently talking.]

                    She and Foxglove decided to see
                    What if Chip, Dale, Zipper, and Monty
                    Were quarantined and then subjected to
                    Numerous mental stress events
                    Until their brains turned to goo?

[Scene changes to the first episode, where the conversation pit and
television are being walled up and Zipper (a fly) given the camera, while
Monterey Jack (a large mouse), Dale (a chipmunk), and Chip (another
chipmunk) are locked inside.]

MONTY: Wait... a... sec!

[Scene cuts back to the Workshop, with printers in the background
churning out huge amounts of stories.]

FOXGLOVE: We'll send them whacked-out readings
GADGET: The worst we can find (la la la)

[Scene changes to the T.V. Chamber, where Chip, Monterey, and Dale
are cringing at an e-mail spam message about consolidating loans.]

        They'll all be dears and read them all
        while we monitor their minds (la la la)

[Scene cuts back to the outside of the tree at night with the glare of the
television in the window, as time-lapse photography shows the tree going
through all four seasons.]

VOICE OF CASSANDRA: Now keep in mind the boys are too nice
                    To turn Gadget and Foxy down (la la la)
                    So they'll just have to tough it out
                    Through every verb and noun

[Scene switches to a large sign made from black tape on the wall in the
back of the living room.]

                    Ranger Roll Call!

[Each time a Ranger is mentioned, the scene cuts to a shot of them.]

                    Zipper (Bzzt zzztz zz? -- [subtitled] I'm in this?)

                    Monty (How much longer?)

                    Chip (What was I thinking?)

                    Daaaaaaale! (Is it time for "Ricki Lake" yet?)

[Scene cuts back to Monty and the 'munks at the table, playing cards.]

                    If you're wondering why they don't just leave
                    Or other logic facts (la la la)

[Scene switches again to show them ducking inside the passage to the T.V.
Chamber passage as the LiteBrite bulbs are blinking.]

                    Then keep in mind that this is just a spoof
                    So just kick back and relax

[Scene cuts to the Ranger emblem over the front door (now nailed shut).]

                    for some Ranger Science Theater 3000

                              *Twang!*

[The slow zoom out from the T.V. Chamber through the passage begins.
Door #1 is attached to a mousetrap and snaps back into place.
Door #2 slides to a close on a couple of Rollerblade wheels.
Door #3 is a CD which rolls into place.
Door #4 Velcros shut, lifted into place by some Lego pillars rising from 
the floor.
Door #5 hinges shut, a tinker toy gate.
Door #6 is a large shutter for a camera, snapping shut.
The last thing to close is the small air lock door, sealing off the 
passage.]

[Living Room]

[CHIP and DALE sit on opposite sides of the table. CHIP has a series
of notecards he's glancing at, apparently quizzing DALE.]

CHIP: Brain hemorrhages... convulsions....
DALE: Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers?

[SFX: *PING!*]

[MONTY pops his head into the corner of the screen, looking at the
camera.]

MONTY: You rollin', Zipper? Okay, well, hey there, mates -- welcome to
       the Tree of Quarantine. I'm Monterey, and back there are the 
       'munks, Chip an' Dale.
CHIP: Aggravating... unwanted....
DALE: Any e-mail message with dollar signs in the message header?

[SFX: *PING!*]

MONTY: Dale is tryin' to up his witty replies -- and vocabulary -- so
       he can better handle this here mental stress testin' that
       Gadget-luv has been runnin' on us.
CHIP: Okay, uh, purple... chartreuse....
DALE: Natural hair colors in Anime?

[SFX: *PING!*]

MONTY: So Chip's been helpin' Dale out a bit, gettin' him warmed
       up for this week's phase.
CHIP: Evolving... gaining self-awareness....
DALE: Cabbage?

[Silence.]

DALE: Uh... that you left in the fridge... during the last clean
      out... two weeks ago... because it was in the back... covered
      in tin foil?

[Pause.]

[SFX: *PING!*]

[CHIP shrugs and goes on to the next card. Commercial bulb begins
to blink.]

CHIP: [looking questioningly at the card] Who?
DALE: Zipper?

[SFX: *PING!*]

MONTY: We'll be right back.

[Commercials. Disney bought Tierra del Fuego today.]

[Living Room]

[The three test subjects are gathered behind the counter. DALE has
some large object next to him, covered in a piece of burlap. CHIP and 
MONTY try not to look particularly disconcerted as they occasionally 
sneak a glance at the unknown item.]

CHIP: [to MONTY] We have got to start making time for building the
      devices for the Inventomercial.
MONTY: [shrugging] We don't have time; someone's gotta keep things 
       runnin' around here so we have water and meals and all that.
       Unless you want Dale to do it.
CHIP: That's like asking me if I want to bash my skull against a brick
      or a stone.
MONTY: And you're the smart one....

[Red LiteBrite bulb starts blinking. CHIP taps it.]

[Workshop]

[GADGET stands in the foreground, smiling as innocent as ever. FOXGLOVE
is in the back, and waves to the camera jovially.]

GADGET: Hiya, guys! All set for this week's Inventomercial?

[Living Room]

CHIP: No, but we'll go ahead anyway.
MONTY: Dale is becomin' our resident tommyknocker, here, so we'll
       let him explain the invention... whatever it is.

[DALE whips off the burlap cover with a flourish, unknowingly smothering
CHIP and MONTY under it as DALE explains his wondrous contraption,
which appears to be a chair of some sort. A variety of controls,
levers, gears, and foot pedals adorn the chair, while at the top of it
all is a single gloved hand (four fingers, of course) on a swivel-mounted,
extendable arm.]

DALE: Taa-daaaa! Okay, this puppy was built to satisfy that problem
      that you get when you're carrying a lot of stuff and need to
      open the door, or you're playing video games and need to hit the
      reset switch before you lose to the other guy, or anything like
      that. You know, when you say to yourself, "But I only got two
      hands!" Well, not anymore!

[He climbs inside the bulky device and sits down. He beings to shift
levers, press buttons, maneuver foot pedals, etc. The hand at the top
of the machine begins to move about awkwardly. CHIP and MONTY finally
manage to extract themselves from the heavy burlap.]

DALE: [puffing] You see? Pretty [whew] easy... to manipulate... and
      it works... fast... too.
CHIP: So... in order to use move this third hand, you have to use your
      entire body?
DALE: Well, yeah. I mean, how use can you get smooth, life-like movement
      unless you have a lotta gears and pulleys and stuff?

[CHIP just looks on in awe of DALE'S density.]

MONTY: [to the camera] How's about you, Gals?

[Workshop]

GADGET: Well, we decided to tackle the problem of hibernation for all
        those animals who, unlike us, prefer to sleep through the entire
        winter.

[Living Room]

[DALE chuckles as he rests in his chair.]

DALE: And people call *me* lazy.

[Workshop]

FOXGLOVE: Well, the biggest problem is making sure that there's
          enough food on hand, you know, for when they wake up and
          want a midnight snack. Or mid-winter snacks, I guess.
GADGET: Exactly. So, our elegant solution revolves around the
        concept that the humans made for their own hibernation.

[Living Room]

CHIP: Hibernation?

[They all look at each other.]

CHIP: Oh! You mean for things like atomic wars and such, where they'll
      be forced to stay underground for months or even years.

[Workshop]

GADGET: [smiling, not quite grasping the difference] Like I said, 
        hibernation. Well, they use dehydrated food, so they can
        store a lot for indefinite periods of time. All they need
        is water.
FOXGLOVE: So we came up with dehydrated natural foods!

[GADGET holds up a bag of small pellets.]

GADGET: See all these? Each of them is actually one, full-size
        walnut, dehydrated down to a mere inkling of its original
        size! Why, animals could stock up an entire year worth of
        food in their sock drawers!
FOXGLOVE: For those that wear socks, at least.

[Living Room]

[Long pause.]

MONTY: You dehydrated... a walnut?
CHIP: But... but how did you--no, never mind. I really think I'm
      safer off not knowing.

[Workshop]

GADGET: And all the animals have to do when they want a little snack,
        is just to grab some snow or an icicle from outside, let it
        melt, use that water to make the pellet grow, and voila!
        Dinner is served!
FOXGLOVE: We just need to put the warning label on and we'll be all
          set.

[GADGET nods and picks up a piece of paper, reading from it.]

GADGET: Warning: store in a watertight container. Sudden exposure
        to moisture may cause sizable explosion -- not recommended
        for confined areas.
FOXGLOVE: The walnuts?
GADGET: No, the explosion.

[She sets the paper down.]

GADGET: Well, while we get the labels all ready, you boys can start
        on the next phase of the quarantine. It's called "Candidate
        Goof", and details -- and I mean *details* -- Max Goof's life
        during his run for student body. Send 'em the fic', Foxy!

[Living Room]

[Lights, noises, mass hysteria.]

ALL: Argh! It's mental time!

[6 ... 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1]

[MONTEREY and the 'munks enter and take their seats. CHIP is on the left,
MONTY in the middle, then DALE on the right.]

>Candidate Goof

CHIP: The Ross Perot story!

>Written and Edited by: Max_Goof
><A Goofy Movie Themed>
><Time Index: 6:30 A.M. Monday May 4th>

DALE: Cool! This is a great episode of "Space Ghost: Coast to Coast"!
CHIP: Where's Steven Wright?

>It was early Monday morning. The sun was shining, and the birds 
>were chirping. What a beautiful spring day it was turning out to 
>be.

DALE: So any second now the Scud missiles start raining in, right?
CHIP: It's not healthy to assume such darkness will happen in light-
      hearted animation, Dale.
MONTY: It's the hallmark of afternoon cartoon fanfics, ain't it?

>    All was quiet except for the snoring sounds coming from Max. 

CHIP: Then, all was not quiet. But we'll continue anyway.

>His alarm just went off making him wake up suddenly. Max slapped 
>the alarm clock off and grumbled, as he rubbed his eyes to stay up. 
>Max looked outside, and looked at his alarm clock, 

CHIP: His alarm clock is outside?
MONTY: Hey, I pitch mine out all the time, too.

>                                                   which read 6:30 
>A.M., Max grumbled again, and placed his head under his pillow.. 

DALE: [Max] The Tooth Fairy didn't come!

>Just then, Goofy came up to his room to wake him up.
>"Max wake up school today ah-hyuck!"

CHIP: [Goofy] Have you seen my commas anywhere?

>"Hmm.wha.oh school."

DALE: You know, I think I have that site bookmarked.

>                     Max grumbled.
>"Breakfast is on the table so you'd better get up!" Goofy said
>"Oh sure pop." Max tediously hoped up 

DALE: [Max] Getting my hopes up is such a drag these days.

>                                      from his nice warm comfortable 
>bed as he scratched his head, yawned widely, and scrounged around 
>for his clothes. Max hoped on one leg trying to get his pants on, 

CHIP: [Max] I hope the grammar gets better soon.

>but ending up on the floor. Max propped himself back up, and placed 
>his shirt, his shoes on, and grabbed his backpack from the ground. 

MONTY: So he's runnin' around with no pants on?
CHIP: I don't think we're in any position to throw stones, Monty.

>Max quickly grabbed his car keys, and his wallet. He placed it in 
>his pocket, and made a quick pit stop at the bathroom. He turned 
>on the light, sat there washing his face, 

DALE: Do most houses have chairs in front of the bathroom sink?
CHIP: Sure. Why not?

>                                          and combing his hair.
>"COME ON MAXIE BOY! " Goofy yelled from downstairs.
>"OKAY I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN!" Max yelled from upstairs. He quickly 
>used the toilet,

DALE: Uh... that's a sorta odd detail to add.
CHIP: "Disturbing" is a better word.

>                 turned off the lights, and went downstairs to 
>breakfast.
>"Ah-hyuck! Morning Max!" Goofy said.
>"Morning dad." Max said drowsily. Goofy placed the milk and 
>Max's favorite cereal on the table as he sat down.

CHIP: [Max] Yum! Nietzsche Pops!

>                                                   He got a 
>heaping bowl of the cereal, and poured the milk. Max sat there 
>mindlessly crunching away.

CHIP: That last sentence really says so much about Max, doesn't it?

>"Boy Max you're a hungry feller today." Goofy said. Max smiled 
>at his dad, and resumed eating the breakfast.

MONTY: [Max] Uhm, yeah. Shut up.

>"Uhh...dad I'm going to pick Roxanne up then to school."

MONTY: Tally ho! To school!

>                                                         Max 
>said. "So I'll see you after."

CHIP: ...school. It's not that hard to finish your sentences, Max.

>"Okay don't forget your lunch." Goofy pointed to the counter where 
>his lunch was sitting. Max grabbed his lunch, and headed towards 
>the door.
>"Okay bye son have a good day at school!" Goofy said.

MONTY: [Goofy] Pick up some commas for me on the way back, ahyuck!

>"Sure pop." Max bumped into the door, and oofed. He smiled 
>sheepishly, and walked to his car. Max hoped into, 

CHIP: [gritting his teeth] Hopped!

>                                                   fastened his 
>seat belt, and started the engine up. He backed the car out, and 
>drove to Roxanne's house. A school bus passed by Max's car, which 
>was heading to the Middle school. Max turned the corner towards 
>Maple Street, and Roxanne's house. Max pulled up in front of her 
>house, and got out. He walked up to her door, and rang the doorbell. 

CHIP: I've heard of taking a little peek into the main character's life,
      but even J. Edgar Hoover would be unnerved by this.

>Max was expecting her dad to answer it, but Roxanne answered it 
>instead.

MONTY: Max was disappointed.

>"Hi Max!" Roxanne said happily. Max looked at her, and smiled.

CHIP: [Max] Do I know you?

>"Hey Roxanne 

DALE: [Max] You don't have to wear that dress tonight.

>             so ready to go?" Max asked.
>"Of course I am sweetie!" Roxanne said as she grabbed her books, and 
>said good bye to her dad.

DALE: Shouldn't he be at work or something?

>                          Roxanne closed the door behind her, and 
>followed Max to the car. They simultaneously fastened their safety 
>belts.

DALE: And shouldn't they get in the car, first?

>       Max started up the engine, turned on the radio, and drove away 
>from Roxanne's house.

CHIP: [author] Everyone with me so far?

>"Say Maxie, Umm...did you hear about the school elections?" Roxanne asked.
>"School elections? No why?" Max asked.
>"Oh well their electing new class officers, 

MONTY: I never would have guessed, thanks.

>                                            and I thought you'd might 
>be interested in running for President?"

MONTY: [Roxanne] S'at okay? I didn't mean to think.

>"Hmm not a bad idea!" Max said as he rubbed his chin. "I'll give it a 
>try!"
>"You can do it Maxie!" Roxanne said.
>"I know." Max said.

DALE: [Max] Shut up.

>"Max I'm with you all the way you can do it." Roxanne said. Max smiled
>back at Roxanne,

CHIP: [Max, to himself] Just smile at the stupid woman....

>                 as she patted him gently on the back. Finally, he 
>pulled into the Haye's High School parking lot. They were circling 
>around the parking lot for a long 5 minutes.

CHIP: [Tom Lehrer] Isn't that interesting?

>                                             Max and Roxanne grab their 
>stuff, 

CHIP: Changed their tense setting.

>       and head towards the main school, where they met up with The 
>Gang.

DALE: "The Gang"?
MONTY: Best not to ask, mate.

>"Hey Guys!" Max exclaimed.
>"Yo dude! PJ said. PJ, Max, and Bobby high foured "Hi Roxanne!"

MONTY: Seems like a hard thing to high-four to me.

>"Hi PJ!" Roxanne said. "Hi Stacey, Rose, Bobby!"

CHIP: Janet!
DALE: Brad!
MONTY: Janet!
DALE: Dr. Scott!
MONTY: Rocky!
CHIP: Uuh!

>"Hi!" The group headed inside the main building.

DALE: Having said their piece.

>                                                 The hall filled with 
>people walking around. They all passed a huge billboard saying School 
>elections are coming up wanna get involved. Go to the ASB room at 
>lunch, and grab a petition today!

CHIP: Vote for who swings from the gallows this year!

>"Hey Max I think you should run for President!" Stacey said.

MONTY: [Coleman Francis] Well, jog for it, anyway.

>"Yeah I was thinking of that!" Max said.
>"Go for it Max! PJ said.
>"I will definitely you can count on that!"
>BRRRRIIINNNNNGGGGGGG!

DALE: Who's got the rotary cel phone?

>"Well see you two at lunch!" PJ said.
>"See you all at lunch!" Max and Roxanne said as they waved,

CHIP: [Max] We'll keep our eyes closed until then to make sure!

>                                                            and went on 
>to their first period class. They both entered English class. `Man this 
>class sure bites oh well might as well make the best of it.' 

MONTY: That punctuation shortage hit all of Spoonerville, I see.

>                                                             Max said 
>to himself. Ms.. Bronte 

DALE: [author] Forgot her name for a sec....

>                        gave her daily speech, and put up the class 
>work on the board. If uncompleted in class, it would automatically be 
>homework that night.

DALE: Uh, was he talking to us?

>                     Max sat there writing a well-developed three-
>paragraph essay about Modern Politics. 

CHIP: [snorting] Essay? Three paragraphs barely constitutes a synopsis.

>`Let us see here I think our modern politics is way to complex, and 
>certainly out of control I believe that the Political Parties should 
>try to get along with each other, especially at election times.

CHIP: There's the bell, and the run-on sentence is out of the gates 
      and tearing down the track!

>                                                                For 
>instance, in their commercials, their always chewing each other out in 
>the campaigns saying this person said this and this person said that or 
>did that.

MONTY: Yeah, it should be more like elections in me homeland, where
       they're far more accusatory and slanderin'!

[CHIP laughs, then glances at MONTY.]

CHIP: Really?

>          I think it is totally unessential. Max went on, and on 
>explaining.

CHIP: Odd thing to write in an essay.

>            Finally after an hour of writing, 

MONTY: [author] I finished describin' Maxie gettin' dressed.

>                                              and pain from way too 
>much writing, 

CHIP: You are so right it's not even funny.

>              the bell rang. Max and Roxanne grabbed their stuff, and 
>walked out, together, to their next class.

DALE: I bet you didn't know that they were really joined at the hip.

>                                           Max and Roxanne both walked 
>up the stairs talking about the English essay they had to write, and 
>other various things As they passed by, more signs were posted trying
>to advertise the school elections.

CHIP: "Trying" to advertise?
DALE: [signs] *Please* be interested in our messages! It's our sole
      lot in life!

>                                   Max brought up the subject of 
>elections again, and they spent about ten minutes chatting about 
>elections, and school politics. 

CHIP: It's only the plot, after all.
MONTY: [confused] Plot?

>                                Max and Roxanne walk into their next
>class, and sit down.

CHIP: While we switch back over to present tense; what the heck?

>                     The rest of Max's classes seem to be much faster 
>than first period. 

MONTY: They'd *have* to be.

>                   They both headed to their lockers to get their 
>lunches, and put their stuff inside. Just as they were going to the 
>lunch area, Chad eyed the two, and stopped them.

DALE: Chad must be the hall monitor.

>"Hey there it's the goof lover, and the goof himself!" Chad said 
>smoothly.

CHIP: Hey guys, check it out! An adverb for the speaker's tone snuck
      in!
DALE: Oooooooo!
MONTY: Aaaaaaaa!

>"What do you want Chad?" Roxanne said angrily.
>"I heard that Maxie here is running for Student Body President!"

MONTY: Student Wimp President is more like it.

>                                                                 Chad
>said as he put his arm on Max's shoulder.
>"Maybe...maybe I am what's it to ya?" Max said as he pushed Chad's hand 
>off his shoulder.
>"News Flash goof, give up now, you know you'll lose so save yourself 
>the humiliation LOSER!" 

CHIP: Chad's not a very imaginative bully, is he?

>                        Chad laughed, and shoved Max aside. He clenched 
>his teeth, and his fist.

MONTY: In that order? That's... nice to know. I guess.
DALE: I suppose it'd be pointless to ask which one of them did that,
      right?
CHIP: You're catching on.

>"Boy would I like to belt him one!" Max said angrily as he raised his 
>fist toward Chad.

MONTY: One? Try twenty, mate. You'll feel even better.

>"Max don't do anything so crazy." Roxanne said as she leaned over, and 
>kissed him on the lips.

CHIP: Down, girl! Heel!

>                        A few people passing by saw them kissing and 
>made whistling sounds at the two. Max and Roxanne looked up, and 
>blushed.

CHIP: [Roxanne] Those overhead lights are so embarrassing....

>"I'm sorry Roxy." Max said as he released the pressure in his left 
>hand.

DALE: Uhhhh... sure thing.

>      Roxanne smiled, and gave Max another quick kiss on the lips.
>"Come on cutie...let's go find the group." Roxanne said.

CHIP: I hope she means their therapy group.

>"All right." Max stammered. Max and Roxanne walk together towards the 
>lunch area where the group was.
>"Hey guys over here!" PJ waved.

MONTY: See? Just like the story said.

>"Hi guys!" Max said as he waved.
>"Hey Max, Hi Roxanne!" Stacey said as she continued to chat with Rose, 
>and Bobby.

CHIP: I'm guessing they found "the group".
DALE: [Stephan the Squirrel] And this is Acorn, Halley, Stephan Jr.,
      Gunther, and my wife...
ALL: Suuuuuuusan.

>"Max how were your classes?" PJ asked.
>"Boring, yours?" Max asked PJ.
>"Same here!" PJ said.
>"Come on guys like you gotta be kidding...like you call Chemistry, and 
>Geometry boring totally no way I can't believe you I mean I would kill 
>to become a famous mathematician.

CHIP: Like Andrew Wiles?
MONTY: Or Fermat?
DALE: Or Christopher Barat?
CHIP & MONTY: [impressed] Oooooo....

>                                  Or a chemist or something like that 
>your totally..."
>Stacey went on chewing Max,

ALL: [jumping back] AAA!

>                            and PJ out. Roxanne could not help but 
>laugh at the two. Max and PJ gave her the evil eye.

CHIP: I cannot believe that people still actually use the phrase 
      "evil eye" these days.

>"What's so wrong about Chemistry, and Geometry?" Rose asked. Max, and 
>PJ were stumped all they could do was babble. Roxanne could not help 
>but laugh at the two again. Max and PJ gave Roxanne the evil eye again, 

CHIP: Since it worked so well two seconds ago.

>and broke out with a laugh.

CHIP: Their ease at being amused by the most mundane things makes me
      wonder what exactly is in the cafeteria's hashbrowns....

>Max opened his bag, and got out his sandwich, and soda out still 
>laughing. 

DALE: It's so funny that even the drinks are yukking it up! Whoop-
      whoop-whoop!
CHIP: Help me.

>          Max spritzed the soda open, and it sprayed a bit at Max. 
>Roxanne giggled a bit, took a napkin, and wiped his face.
>"Silly Max." Roxanne said giggling. PJ, Bobby, and Stacey began to 
>laugh. 

DALE: Kids just love Widget's chewable Prozac vitamins, don't they?

>       Max just grumbled, and smiled after that. Just then Bobby 
>sprayed some EZ cheese inside his bologna sandwich, and took a huge 
>bite out it.

MONTY: Well who wouldn't?
CHIP: Not everyone is as enthusiastic about cheese as you, Monty.
MONTY: [shrugging] Their loss.

>"Sheesh Bobby your one heck of a garbage disposal today!" Max kidded. 
>The group looked at Bobby oddly watching him put more disgusting spray 
>cheese in the sandwich.

MONTY: Hey! *No* cheese can be disgustin'!

>"Bobby your gonna end up at the Nurse's office before the end of the 
>day if you keep eating all that cheese!" Roxanne joked.

MONTY: Crikey -- even vegans like cheese more than these blighters!

>                                                        Max, PJ, 
>Stacey, and Rose could not help but laugh.

CHIP: What with all the laughing gas being pumped in through the
      air vents.

>"No way I can handle it huh." Bobby said.

DALE: As his eyes rolled up in his head and he fell backwards and died.

>"Whatever!" Roxanne said as she rolled her eyes up.

DALE: [surprised] And fell backwards and died?

>"Oh before I forget Max, I got you something here!" Stacey handed a 
>piece of paper to Max.
>"What's this?" Max asked.

CHIP: [Stacey] Your expulsion notice! Get out, get out, get out!!!

>"It's a petition for the school elections." Stacey giggled.
>"Oh yeah Uhh I knew that!" Max said.
>"Now remember you need at least 25 signatures, and two Teacher
>signatures in order to participate in the elections."

MONTY: [Max] I'd better start forgin', then, huh?

>"No Problem Stacey!" Max said.
>"Here you go!" Stacey took out a pen, and signed it.
>"Thanks!" Max said.

CHIP: [Max] Why are we shouting?!

>                    Roxanne, Bobby, Rose, and PJ signed it as well.
>"Thanks guys this will help me!" Max said.

MONTY: Like a lead life jacket.

>"No Problem Max." PJ said. Just then, Chad came up to the group.
>"Well...well if it ain't the goof troop." Chad said.

CHIP: It's only a Goof Troop fanfic, dolt.

>"What do you want Chad why don't you just leave us alone?" Max said 
>angrily.
>"You'll never win the elections goof...your such a wimp, and a loser." 

MONTY: Aren't those prerequisites for candidacy?

>Chad said smoothly. "No one likes a loser!" 

MONTY: Just ask Bonkers.
DALE: Ouch.
CHIP: That's cold....

>                                            Chad left laughing, and 
>hitting Max on the back. Making Max even angrier then he was earlier, 
>but he really did not want to show it.
>"What was that all about?" PJ said.

CHIP: Gee, PJ, you think *maybe* it has to do with something with
      Chad's taunts that Max won't win the elections?
DALE: You know, I like PJ. I feel smart next to him.
MONTY: It's a start, mate.

>"Oh Chad is in his competitive mode again." Max said.
>"Again boy why doesn't he pick on someone his own size." PJ said. They 
>all continued to eat their lunches just as they threw their trash away, 

CHIP: Which is a lot harder to accomplish than it sounds, so I'm
      impressed.

>the bell rang.
>"Well see you guys later!" Max said.
>"Okay bye Max, bye Roxanne!"
>"Bye!" Max and Roxanne threw their trash away,

CHIP: Again, after having enjoyed it so much the first time.

>                                               and headed to their 
>lockers. They got their stuff out of their lockers, 

DALE: Books, pencils, mob stool pigeons....

>                                                    and headed to 
>class. People were rushing to their lockers, and to class. Max and 
>Roxanne went up the stairs, and into the classroom where some students 
>mobbed Max.

ALL: [students] Lynch the goof! Lynch the goof!

>"Hey Max Stacey told us your running for Student Body President, so can 
>we sign your petition?"
>"Uhh yeah...YEAH sure!" Max said. Max looked at Roxanne with amazement. 

MONTY: [Max] I never knew you could gargle the first verse to "Coba
       Cabana".

>Roxanne smiled, and put her books on her desk.
>"Thanks Max!"

CHIP: For what?

>"Your welcome." Max said. He walked over to the desk next to Roxanne, 
>and had a seat. Mr. Pythagoras put the assignment on the board, and 
>took the roll.

ALL: Where did he take it?!
DALE: Ba-dum-bump-bump.

>"Okay class please open to page 345 today were gonna discuss Pre-
>Trigonometry." Mr. Pythangoras went on with the lesson.

DALE: And people claim math is boring. Go fig.

>                                                        `Let's see here 
>First Period: Boring, Second: Boring, Third: Boring, Forth: Boring, 
>fifth: Boring, Sixth: VERY boring.' 

CHIP: Is Max talking about the periods or the scenes so far?

>                                    Max thought as he listened to Mr. 
>Pythagoras giving his lecture.. Max was really paying more attention to 
>the elections coming up more than schoolwork.
>"Okay students please do the assignment on the board, and when your 
>done put it on my desk." Mr. Pythagoras said.

MONTY: They must go through a lotta blackboards at this school.

>                                              "Don't forget to jot down 
>the homework assignment!" An hour later, The period ended.

CHIP: The students ripped the blackboard off the wall and dropped it on
      Mr. Pythagoras desk.
MONTY: So... each period is an hour long in this school?

>                                                           Max and 
>Roxanne placed their work on the tray.

DALE: They had troubling making the chalkboard fit, but oh well.

>"Excuse me Mr. Pythagoras can you please sign my petition for the 
>school elections?" Max asked.
>"Why sure Max." Mr. Pythagoras signed the petition for Max.

CHIP: [Mr. Pythagoras] For crimes committed against the State, Max Goof
      is hereby sentenced to death....

>"Thanks sir!"
>"My pleasure." Mr. Pythagoras said. Max and Roxanne walked out of the 
>classroom, and headed to their next class, probably one of Max's least 
>favorite classes, French.

DALE: And we're going to suffer right along with him, I bet.

>                          Oh well there's no way around it besides this 
>is the last class of the day. 

CHIP: [cheerfully] Because now you die!

>                              They had ten minutes left before the bell 
>rang so Max asked Mr. Le Meur if he could get his signature.

MONTY: On a blank check.

>"Of curse Max I will sign your petition good luck."
>"Thanks sir." Mr. Le Meur signed the paper, and handed it back to Max. 
>A few more students signed his petition filling his entire paper.

DALE: With all sorts of lame jokes and stupid catch phrases.

>                                                                  Max 
>placed the paper in his binder, and closed it.
>BRRRRRIIIIINNNNNGGGGG!

DALE: Max must've forgotten to turn off the burglar alarm on his
      binder.

>The beginning of Sixth period everyone took their seats, and 
>listen for instructions from the instructor.

MONTY: Is he talkin' to us again?

>"Bon Jour class today were gonna watch a film about France."

CHIP: [Mr. Le Meur] It's called "We Surrender!!"

>                                                             Mr. Le 
>Meur said. "There will be note taking today so please take out a sheet 
>of paper, and title it France."

DALE: You think the Fearless Frogs were from France?
MONTY: They ran away most of time, didn't they?

>Sixth Period went by fast. Max was happy that the day was over.

MONTY: So are we. Trust me.

>BRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGG!
>The end of another day, 

CHIP: The forgery of another dollar....

>                        Max and Roxanne grabbed their stuff, and headed 
>out of the classroom. As they walked to the exit of the school, a few 
>students walked by, and patted Max on the shoulder.

DALE: [student] If you sing a Powerline song this year we'll skin you 
      alive.

>"Good luck Max!" Someone said passing by Max.

MONTY: [someone] What with your face and all.

>"Thanks...I ...think?" Max looked at Roxanne, and shrugged his 
>shoulders. She could not help but giggle.

CHIP: Considering all the "Laugh at the Goofball" notes the students
      just planted on Max's back.

>"I think they're referring to the school elections!"
>"Oh.Oh 

DALE: Anime emoticons are scaring me more and more these days.

>       yeah." Max said.

MONTY: Even Maxie agrees, mate.

>                        They met up with the group outside. 
>Students were running out of the main building cheering that the 
>day was over. Several school buses were pulling up to pick up 
>students.

DALE: The students tipped them over and set them on fire.
MONTY: Spoonerville '99. Pieces and Good-swill towards man.

>"Hey Max did you get a great deal of signatures?" PJ asked.
>"Check it out!" Max said as he handed the paper to PJ.
>"DUDE!" PJ high foured Max, and handed it back to Max.

CHIP: [PJ] I didn't know we had that many Napoleon Bonaparte's in 
      the school.

>"Here Stacey!" 

DALE: Fetch!

>               Max said as he handed her his petition for the 
>elections.
>"Thanks. " Stacey took the paper from Max.

MONTY: [Stacey] We're outta toilet paper in the girl's room.

>"Hey guys need a ride?" Max asked.

CHIP: Out on a rail, maybe.

>"Nah will see you later!" PJ said.
>"Okay see you later guys!"
>"Bye!" Max and Roxanne headed towards the parking lot, and 
>Max's car. He disarmed the burglar alarm, and unlocked the doors. 
>Max opened the door for Roxanne, and Max hoped

CHIP: Look, it's "hopped", okay?
DALE: [singing] And whether you can hear it or not, your spelling
      checker, is laughing, behind your back...
ALL: [singing] You are a fluke... of the Internet... you have no
     right to be here....

>                                               in the driver's seat 
>as he put his stuff in the back seat of the car. Max and Roxanne 
>simultaneously fastened their belts.

CHIP: Whatever else they may be, these kids are safe.

>                                     Max started the engine up, and 
>backed out of the parking lot. They began talking about various 
>things as Max was driving. Like schoolwork, the campaign, and 
>other stuff.

CHIP: Lobster lips.
MONTY: Elephant earwax.
DALE: Lightning bug bulbs.

>             Max passed Luv's Records,

MONTY: Gadget-luv has a record shop?

>                                       and turned towards 
>Maple Street. Max pulled up in front of Roxanne house, and turned 
>the engine off. He opened the door for Roxanne, and walked her up 
>to her porch.

MONTY: Seein' as how he believed all women to be weak and feeble
       creatures.

>"Well Maxie umm I'll call you later?" Roxanne asked.
>"Okay." Max smiled, and Roxanne smiled back.

CHIP: [Max and Roxanne] Duhhhhh....

>"Isn't it such a gorgeous day?" Roxanne asked.
>"Yeah it is!" Max said as he looked at Roxanne. She turned around, and 
>looked at Max with a smile she leaned over, 

DALE: Whoa. Roxy really *does* have eyes in the back of her head!
MONTY: No wonder Max never cheats on her.

>                                            and kissed Max on the lips, 
>sending him into a daze.
>"Hmm..Hmm...hmm...

CHIP: [Max] What's my next line?

>                  ah-hyuck...ah-hyuck!" Max covered his mouth, and 
>smiled sheepishly. Roxanne could not help but giggle.

CHIP: She's mentally disturbed, and is in need of help.

>"Heh silly I love you!" Roxanne said as she hugged, and ran her hand 
>through Max's hair, and rubbed his cheek, making Max break a wide grin.

DALE: It was her grin he broke, though, so it kinda spoiled the moment.

>"I love you too Roxy!" Max said as he hugged Roxanne, and 
>affectionately brushed his hand over her cheek. She blew a kiss,

CHIP: Her teeth tumbling out....

>                                                                 and 
>waved to Max. He timidly waved back, as he walked to his car in a daze. 
>Max hoped in his car,

CHIP: *I* hope he runs into a lamppost.

>                      and drove away from her house, and Maple Street. 
>He soon approached West Main Street, and his house. Max pulled up into 
>his driveway, and turned off the engine.. Max got his backpack, and 
>opened his front door.

DALE: Hey! How come Max can have his own personal entrance to the
      house, but not me?

>"Hi dad I'm back!" Max said.

MONTY: [Goofy] Who cares? Ahyuck!

>"Hiya son ah-hyuck! How was school today?" Goofy asked.

CHIP: [Max] Drained away all my youthful vigor and hope for the
      future, father.

>"Pretty Good pop!" Max said. "So what's for dinner?"
>"Roast Beef, and mashed potaters ah-hyuck!" Goofy mentioned.
>"Sounds great, pop, really." Max said. 

DALE: [Max] Just shut up.

>                                       Just as Max walked into the 
>living room, to watch a little TV, When telephone rang.

CHIP: That, was an epileptic sentence....

>"I'll get Maxie...hello...ah-hyuck hiya Roxanne hold on MAXIE!" Goofy 
>yelled..

CHIP: Max must have been suddenly kidnaped by flying monkeys again.
MONTY: Third time this week.

>"Jeez dad I'm right here you don't have to yell!" Max said as he rubbed 
>his ear. "What is it?"

DALE: Your ear.

>"Ah-hyuck sorry umm Roxanne's on the phone!"
>"Oh, okay!" Max said as Goofy handed the telephone to Max.

CHIP: I haven't seen comedy like this since... well... Goof Troop,
      really.

>"Hi Roxy what's up?" Max asked.
>"Hi Max, umm I was wondering maybe we could get together tomorrow at my 
>house maybe we can get started on the campaign?" Roxanne asked.

DALE: This seems like something that film about what to do on a date
      would suggest.
CHIP: You've watched films on how to *date*?
DALE: Uhhh....

>"Why sure Roxy that sounds perfect!" Max said.
>"Great! Okay well see you tomorrow!"
>"Okay I'll pick you up about 7:30?" Max proposed.

DALE: [singing] I resolve to call her up, a thousand times a day...
      and ask her if she'll marry me, in some old goofy way....

>"Sure 7:30 sounds great!" Roxanne said in a blissful matter.

DALE: Roxanne's easy to please, isn't she?
MONTY: Look at her boyfriend.
CHIP & DALE: Ouch.

>                                                             "Well bye 
>Maxie!"
>"D'I oh

DALE: [singing] With a Hyuk-yuk here, a Hyuk-yuk there, here a Hyuk,
      there a Hyuk, everywhere a Hyuk-yuk -- Old McGoofy had a son,
      D-I D-I Ooohhh!

>        ...ahem bye Roxanne!" Max said in a daze.
>"Heh...silly!" Roxanne said. Max sighed, and grumbled a bit because he 
>hated babbling like that. `Man I wish I could stop this moronic 
>babbling 

ALL: Hear hear.

>         it makes me sound like a total spaz!'
>"Maaaaa-aaaax, Dinners ready!" Goofy yelled from the kitchen. Max stood 
>there thinking about Roxanne, and his imbecilic babbling.

CHIP: Thus, he had a *lot* of thinking to do.

>"Max?" Goofy asked.

DALE: Isn't he still in the kitchen?

>"Huh..Oh sorry dad Uhh you were saying?" Max asked.
>"Ah-hyuck! Dinner's ready silly."

CHIP: [Max] Why can't we ever talk in the same room anymore?

>"Oh dinner, right." Max said as he followed Goofy to the dinner table. 
>Meanwhile Max was thinking about what Chad said to him. `You have no 
>chance against me goof!' Max heard Chad in his thoughts. `Maybe I 
>should just give up.....' Max said to himself. He had mixed thoughts 
>about the school elections. `Should I give up? Or risk being the 
>laughing stock...man...too many choices!'

MONTY: If you had any less you wouldn't have *any* choices, whiner.

>                                          Max and Goofy sat down 
>simultaneously, and began eating. Goofy looked at Max's face oddly as 
>he was moving his food around with his fork.

DALE: [Goofy] Did you know you have a halberd cleaving your skull in
      half, Maxie?

>"Max, something wrong with the food?" Goofy asked.

MONTY: [Max] It's not dead yet.

>"Huh no." Max said, surprised.
>"Something on your mind son?"

DALE: [Max] Just the halberd.

>"What? No what makes you think I got something on my mind?" Max asked.

MONTY: [Goofy] The foot-long piece of metal sticking out of your skull.
       Ahyuck!

>"Aww...come on Max I can see it in your eyes something's wrong you can 
>tell me."

CHIP: [Goofy] Or I'll beat you senseless.

>"Well, today at school, Chad came up to me, and told me I'm no match 
>for him in the elections that is, I don't know he just makes me feel 
>like a fool sometimes." Max said sadly.

CHIP: [Goofy] But you *are* a fool, son.

>"Aww don't listen to him just do your best!" Goofy said.

MONTY: [Goofy] You'll fail anyway, of course, ahyuck! Ya loser!
       Loser loser loserrrrrr!

>"I know, but he makes me so angry!" Max said fiercely.
>"Wahyll son your just gonna have to learn to ignore him,

CHIP: [Goofy] It's easy to do once ya KILL HIM!!! Ahyuck! More 'taters?

>                                                         and don't sink 
>to his level that's all he's trying to make you do."

DALE: I thought he was trying to intimate Max out of the elections?
CHIP: A valiant attempt at understanding, my friend.

>"Your right dad thanks!" Max said a little happier.

MONTY: But not by much.

>"My pleasure son!" Goofy and Max ate the rest of their food in virtual 
>silence, only hearing the forks moving around the plate, and Max 
>clearing his throat.

DALE: [Jody] Well, I'll stay through to the end of the week -- but 
      that's it!

>                     After they finished with dinner, Max sat back with 
>a full stomach.

CHIP: Uh, well, I guess you can't argue with the logic on that one, can
      you?

>"Full Maxie boy?" Goofy asked.
>"Yeah...I'm stuffed."
>"Ah-hyuck!" 

DALE: Uh... was that a punchline?

>            Goofy cleared the table, as Max went upstairs to his room 
>to do his homework. Max did not really want to do his homework, but he 
>had to finish it by tomorrow

DALE: That's not true. Some of my best papers were written five minutes
      before class started.
CHIP: And how well did you do on those "best papers", Dale?
DALE: Uhm, let's move on.

>Max could not concentrate completely because he had too many thoughts 
>on his mind. The campaign for one, and the fear if Chad becomes the 
>next Student Body President.

CHIP: I counted *two* thoughts.
MONTY: Max is barely a monotasker, boyo.

>                             `Max it's better you think of school work 
>rather than getting worked up over the campaign.' Max told himself. Max 
>opened his Geometry book, and began doing the assignment. Later that 
>night 

DALE: He finally finished the first problem.

>      Max checked his clock, and it read 9:00. `Finally done with this 
>homework' Max thought. Max stretched his arms, and got up. He put his 
>homework in his binder and his books back in his backpack. Max zipped 

ALL: Who?

>up his backpack, and went downstairs. Goofy was in the living room 
>watching television.

MONTY: It wasn't on, oddly enough.

>"Hiya Maxie didja get all your homework done?"
>"Yeah dad." Max said. "By the way whatcha watching?"
>"Oh I'm watching ER" Max said.

CHIP: Wait -- what happened?
MONTY: Did Maxie just spontaneously clone himself?

>"ER! Jeez I forgot it's on about this time." Max sat down with his dad. 
>They sat there for about an hour or so watching TELEVISION, 

CHIP: A very important plot point, it seems.

>                                                            the show 
>finished. The grandfather struck 10:00. 

MONTY: The grandmother kicked the livin' tar out of 9:15.

>                                        Max was getting droopy-eyed, 
>and yawned widely.
>"Tired Maxie boy?" Goofy asked.
>"Yeah I'm gonna hit the sack good night dad!"
>"Good night Max see ya in the morning!" Goofy said. Max was just about 
>to walk upstairs when Goofy stopped him.

DALE: [Goofy] And beware the dark things that lurk in your closet,
      whose thirst can only be sated by blood.
CHIP: [dryly] You'll make a great father one day, Dale.
DALE: [missing the point] Thanks!

>"Max don't forget to brush your teeth, and floss too ah-hyuck!" Max 
>turned around, and looked at his dad.

DALE: [Max] Don't bug me old man.

>"Sure pop." Max said. "I won't forget." 

MONTY: [Max] Whatever it was you just said there.

>                                        Max walked into the bathroom, 
>and turned on the lights. He looked at himself in the mirror, and got 
>out his toothbrush, and paste.

DALE: And proceeded to glue his toothbrush to his teeth.

>                               He began brushing his teeth. Max sat 
>there mindlessly staring in the mirror.

CHIP: [author] I can't stress Max's mindless state enough.

>                                        The strong minty flavored 
>toothpaste made Max twitch.

DALE: You know what'd be cool? Peanut butter that doubled as
      toothpaste. You could, like, eat a peanut butter and jelly
      sandwich and brush your teeth at the same time!
CHIP: Uhm... sure thing, buddy.
MONTY: Actually, that *would* be cool.

>                            He rinsed his mouth out, and threw away the 
>plastic cup. 

CHIP: Max doesn't give a hoot about our crowded landfills.

>             Max reached over for the floss, and began flossing his 
>teeth. 

MONTY: Thanks. I never would have guessed the reason why he grabbed 
       the floss in the first place.

>       Without noticing it, the floss trapped between his two front 
>teeth.

DALE: How? They're eight yards apart from each other!
CHIP: You're a fine one to talk.
MONTY: Easy, mates....

>       `Gahh...not again!' He sat there trying to pry the floss out of 
>his teeth. Finally after ten minutes of struggling with the floss, 

CHIP: The floss pins him for the count.

>                                                                   Max 
>threw the floss away, and turned the bathroom lights off.

CHIP: Wacky comedy only to be topped by "Heathcliff".
DALE: Do you mean the orange, unfunny, overbearing cat or the spaz 
      from "The Wild Wild World of Batwoman"?
CHIP: Now that you mention it, both.

>Max walked into his messy room, and turned the lights on. He kicked 
>some dirty clothes into one corner, and threw some crumpled up paper 
>over by his trashcan. 

CHIP: [Max] Well, I have a trash can, but I'm not gonna use it.

>                      What a mess Max's room was there were magazines, 
>clothes, and papers all over the floor. 

MONTY: Yeah, ya slob! Quit slackin' and pick it up!

>                                        Goofy would always harp on Max 
>to clean it up, but Max liked it this way it was much easier to find 
>things.

DALE: [smugly] Horizontal filing systems are the best, all right.
CHIP: And I'm sure you can take a lot of pride in knowing you share 
      something else in common with Max, here.
DALE: ...oh.

>        Max walked over to the window, and closed the blinds. He 
>stripped down to his briefs,

ALL: [cringing] AAAA!

>                             hoped into bed,

ALL: HOPPED!!!

>                                             and closed his eyes. Sleep 
>quickly brushed over him.
>
><Time Index: 7:00 A.M. Tuesday May 5th Max's Room>

DALE: This is an X-Files fanfic now?
CHIP: I'm guessing "The Hunt for Red October."

>"Max? Wake up son school today!" Goofy said as he shook Max's shoulder.

MONTY: Dislocatin' it.

>"Hmm wha...oh school!" Max got up slowly from his nice warm comfortable 
>bed, and got his clothes and shoes on. 

CHIP: Doesn't this kid ever shower?
MONTY: What? You want to read a paragraph describin' it in detail, too?
CHIP: Ugh. Point taken.

>                                       Max scratched his head as he 
>headed into the bathroom to freshen up. 

CHIP: Dandruff came down like a Wisconsin blizzard.

>                                        Max washed his face with cold 
>water, and looked at himself in the mirror. "Aakk...my hair!' 

DALE: [Max] My dad shaved it off while I slept!

>                                                              Max said 
>to himself. He sat there wetting his comb several times, and began 
>combing his hair until it was the way he liked it. 

MONTY: Shaped like a month-old Brillo pad.

>                                                   Max's hair was 
>perfect, 

CHIP: If you lived by the philosophy never to judge anything.

>         so he turned off the lights, and grabbed his backpack in his 
>room making sure everything was there that he needed for school. 

DALE: Oh, that's where he keeps his brain.

>                                                                 Max 
>walked down the stairs to breakfast. Goofy had just placed the toast, 
>jam, the milk, and cereal on the table.

CHIP: None of which were in any plates or bowls at the time, so it
      was really messy.

>"Morning dad." Max said.
>"Ah-hyuck! Morning son." Goofy said. 

MONTY: [Goofy] Got yer last meal all set!

>                                     Max got a heaping bowl of the 
>cereal, and poured the milk on it. He sat there mindlessly eating the 
>cereal. 

DALE: [Max] Must... consume... nourishment....
CHIP: Mindlessness and Max just *go* together!

>        The clock struck 7:20, as Max was just finishing up his 
>breakfast.

CHIP: So, since he got up at seven, and already spent time in the
      bathroom, he can wolf down his cereal in under a minute?
MONTY: Blimey. A challenger to my title.
DALE: Sure he can "woof" it down; he's a dog, remember? Hah!

[CHIP'S arm twitches, but he manages to resist the temptation to
hit DALE.]

>"Max aren't you gonna pick up Roxanne today?" Goofy asked in a curious 
>matter

DALE: [Goofy, ominously] You know... "pick up"... "today"....

>"Yeah." Max said.
>"Wahyll you'd better get over to her house Maxie boy!" Goofy said as he 
>pointed at the grandfather clock.

DALE: Roxanne lives in the clock?

>"Sure pop." Max said.
>"Don't forget your lunch. Ah-hyuck!" Goofy pointed to the counter where 
>Max's lunch bag was sitting.

CHIP: Goofy points a lot, doesn't he?

>"Thanks dad see ya after school!" Max said. Max grabbed his lunch, and 
>placed it in his backpack. Max snatched his wallet and keys from the 
>counter as he headed to his car. Max put his backpack in the back, and 
>started the engine up. Max opened the garage door, and backed out of 
>the driveway.

CHIP: I hate to nitpick, but since we're being forced to witness every
      second of Max's life, I should point out that he never put the
      car in the garage last night.
DALE: Maybe Goofy did--

[CHIP stretches past MONTY to bop DALE repeatedly.]

CHIP: Traitor!
MONTY: [separating the two] Whoa, calm down Chipper!

>              A yellow school bus was fleeting by West Main as he was 
>turning the corner to Maple Street, and Roxanne's house. He pulled up 
>in front of Roxanne's house, and got out of his car.

ALL: [annoyed] Seen it!

>                                                     Max walked up to 
>her front door, and knocked on it. Max was expecting her dad as usual, 
>but Roxanne answered it instead.

MONTY: Again, Max was disappointed.

>"Hi Maxie!" Roxanne said.
>"Hi Roxy ready to go?" Max asked.

DALE: [singing] Baby I'm ready to go!

>"All ready to go sweetie!" Roxanne nodded. She grabbed her books, and 
>closed the door behind her. Max opened the passenger door for Roxanne, 
>and hoped into the driver's seat. They simultaneously fastened their 
>seat belt. Max started the engine up, and drove away from her house.

MONTY: Now they drive around lookin' for used recliners on the curbs.

[Everyone starts to sway.]

DALE: Da-da-daa...
CHIP: Boom, chika-boom, chika-boom...
DALE: Da-da-daa....

>"Isn't it such a beautiful day Max?" Roxanne asked.

DALE: [Max] No. Now shut up. You're my trophy date.

>"Yes it is Roxy!" Max said. "Just like you are!"
>"Aww Maxie!" Roxanne said. Max drove up into the Haye's High School 
>parking lot, and drove around looking for a spot to park.

CHIP: He finally chose the teacher's lounge.

>                                                          Max stopped 
>the car, and unfastened his belt. 

CHIP: His seat belt, hopefully.

>                                  Roxanne, and Max got their stuff, Max 
>locked the car, and set the burglar alarm on. They walked together 
>towards the Main Entrance where the group was waiting for them.

MONTY: Knives bared and poised to attack--

>"Hey guys!" Max said.
>"Hi Max, Hi Roxanne!"
>"Hi!" Max and Roxanne said simultaneously.

CHIP: Max likes repeating himself in front of others, it seems.

>BRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!
>"Dang First period bell catch ya guys at lunch!" Max said.

DALE: The dang first period bell is gonna catch them at lunch?

>"Okay see you Max, see you Roxanne!"
>"Bye!" Roxanne said. Max and Roxanne walk upstairs to their first 
>class. A few people passed by patting Max on the shoulder. Max could 
>not help but break a wide grin. 

DALE: Max has a violent tendency to just belt people in the mouth
      without warning, doesn't he?

>                                They both walk into their class. 

CHIP: A man enters stage left with an ax. He kills them. Fade out.

>                                                                 Fellow 
>classmates came up to Max. They all said they would vote for him.

MONTY: Maxie is a dog.
DALE: Roxanne is a dog.
CHIP: All his classmates are sheep.
MONTY: [Eddie Valiant] Makes perfect sense.

>"Gee thanks!" Max said. He looked at Roxanne and smiled. "Wow I didn't 
>know I was that popular."
>"Well I may have put a good word in or two." Roxanne said as she smiled 
>back at Max.
>"Really?" Max asked.
>"Yeah!" Roxanne nodded.

MONTY: [Roxanne] The loaded Magnum .44 aimed at their hearts helped,
       of course.

>                        Max smiled back, and gave Roxanne a kiss on the 
>cheek. Roxanne smiled back, and followed suit.
>BRRRRRIINNNGGG,

CHIP: The bell smiled back.

>The beginning of First period which was English for Max, and Roxanne` I 
>can tell it's gonna be another boring day here in the dreaded English 
>class' Max said to himself. Finally after 60 minutes of Ms. Bronte's 
>boring lectures, the period ended. Max thought this period would never 
>end. `Jeez 4 more periods to cope with!' Max said to himself.

CHIP: Weren't there six periods yesterday?

>                                                              Max's 
>morning classes went by much faster then that of his first period went. 

CHIP: This is the ultimate dichotomy of writing; either mind-numbingly
      detailing every action or completely skipping everything in a
      few words.

>Max and Roxanne headed over to their lockers to get their lunches, and 
>put their books, and other stuff in them. Max leaned on his locker, and 
>talked to Roxanne about various things like what they had for lunch, 

CHIP: [half-crying] They haven't eaten yet, though!

>the upcoming school elections, etc. 

CHIP: How much they could fence Goofy's car for....
MONTY: When to frame Chad for the arson....
DALE: Where they should hide the bodies....

>                                    Max and Roxanne held hands as they 
>walked out to the lunch area where the group was sitting.
>"Hi Max, hi Roxanne!" PJ said.
>"Hi guys!" Max said as he waved to Stacey, Bobby, and Rose.

DALE: [PJ] That's fine. Just ignore your best friend you insensitive
      piece of--

>"Hi Max...hi Roxanne!" Stacey said as she continued to chat with Rose. 

CHIP: Which confused Rose a bit, but oh well.

>Max and Roxanne sat together, and began to talk with the rest.
>"So Max how were your classes today?" PJ asked as he took a big bite in 
>his sandwich.

MONTY: [PJ] Mmmm... chicken a la raw!

>"Boring!" Max said. "As usual...yours?"
>"Same here dude!" PJ said. "Man....I wish we had a long vacation." Max 
>and PJ glanced at Bobby spraying cheese in his sandwich, yet again.
>"Man dude

CHIP: Man-cub?

>          that stuff will kill ya!" Max said.

MONTY: [irritated] Again with cheese-bashing!
DALE: [Raul Julia] I'm as clumsy as a stupid, repulsive cheese-eater!

>"No way dudes, this stuff is high in protein!" Bobby said.
>"More like high in fat!" Max whispered to PJ, and Roxanne.

[CHIP and DALE cast a sideways glance at MONTY, who cracks his
knuckles.]

MONTY: You boys weren't gonna say anything to that, were ya?
DALE: Hmm, nah. I like my spleen right where it is.
CHIP: Likewise.
MONTY: Bright lads.

>                                                           They all
>looked at Bobby, and rolled their eyes up.

DALE: Bobby's only thin as a rail, after all.

>"So Max by the way thought of something you wanted to say at the 
>election speeches?" Stacey said.

CHIP: Whoa, cut back on the amphetamines, girl!

>"No that's my whole problem I can't think of anything at all maybe I'm 
>not made to become President!" Max said sadly.

DALE: Praise the Lord.

>"Max don't talk like that you are definitely president material!" 

DALE: Of the Hair Club for Men, maybe.

>Roxanne said, as she kissed Max on the cheek, sending him into a quick 
>daze.
>"Yeah I guess so!" Max said.

CHIP: [Max] I can't make decisions and am easily lured by women!

>                             The group continued to munch on their 
>lunches, and chat throughout the lunch period. Soon it would be time to 
>head over to Fifth Period. 

DALE: Back to the drudgery and sorrow of high school.

>                           Max and Roxanne threw their trash away, and 
>walked to their lockers.
>"See you guys!" Max said. 

CHIP: [the group] Don't bet on it!

>                          The rest waved to Max, and Roxanne. As they 
>go their separate ways. 

CHIP: We read some. More sentence fragments.

>                        Max and Roxanne grab their stuff from their 
>lockers, and head to Fifth Period. Max and Roxanne fight the usual 
>crowd going to their classes. 

CHIP: Now it sounds like a reading primer.
DALE: See Max. See Max fight to class. Fight, Max, fight.

>                              Max's fifth, and sixth period classes 
>zipped by with a flash. They both fight the usual crowd, 

MONTY: The same one that just hangs around the halls all the time.
ALL: [crowd] Heck no, we won't go! Heck no, we won't go! Heck no--

>                                                         and catch up 
>with PJ, and Rose outside when Chad stopped Max, and Roxanne.

CHIP: [Chad] Where's your hall pass?

>"Well...well it's the Student Body President reject!" Chad said 
>sarcastically.

MONTY: He had been practicin' all morning for that.

>"Leave us alone Chad!" Roxanne said, as they walked away from him.
>"CHICKEN!" Chad yelled, and made chicken noises.

MONTY: [Chad] Come back and make empty threats like a man!

>"Yo Max what was that all about?" PJ asked.
>"I don't know!" Max shrugged his shoulders. 

CHIP: It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the election.
DALE: You think?

>                                            "Hey Peej guys need a 
>ride?"
>"Sure dude!" PJ said as he, and Rose followed Max and Roxanne to the 
>car.

DALE: "Well, I hope you find one!" Max taunted as he sped off.

>Roxanne walked with Rose talking about various things. Leaving PJ, and 
>Max to talk for a moment.
>"Dude is that idiot Chad still bugging ya?" PJ asked.

MONTY: He only insulted Maxie five minutes ago, after all.

>"Sorta..." Max said. "But I don't care I'll show him at the elections!" 
>Max unarmed the burglar alarm,

DALE: By throwing a trash can through the windshield.
CHIP: He'll blame it on the Michael Jackson video, of course.

>                               and unlocked the car. Roxanne hoped in 
>the passenger seat. They all fastened their seat belts simultaneously. 

CHIP: The synchronized safety is probably a metaphor for something, but
      I sure can't figure out what.

>Max started the car up, and drove out of the parking lot. He drove 
>passed Luv's Records again, 

CHIP: Rather than drive through it, as he was wont to do.

>                            and turned the corner towards Maple Street. 
>Just as they were talking back and forth, Max approached Roxanne's 
>house. He stopped in front of her house, and stopped the car.

[Everyone laughs.]

CHIP: Yes folks -- Max abruptly decided to cancel his own inertia
      *before* the car's.

>                                                              Max got 
>out, and walked her up to her porch. PJ and Rose got out too, and 
>followed Max.

CHIP: [PJ] Warn me next time you decide to ignore the laws of physics! 
      That hurt when I was torn through you!

>"Well Maxie I'll call later?" Roxanne asked.

DALE: [Roxanne] After you get the car fixed, of course.

>"Okay!" Max said as he affectionately brushed his hand over her cheek. 

MONTY: With the force of twenty mules--

>She leaned over, and gave Max a passionate kiss. They stood there 
>kissing while PJ rolled his eyes up, and Rose giggled.

DALE: These people have no lives. And this is from someone who's stuck
      in a tree.

>"Hmm..Hmm..Hmm...ah-hyuck!" 

DALE: No no no no! It's like this: [singing] Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm....

>                            Max quickly covered his mouth, and smiled 
>back at Roxanne.

MONTY: Who couldn't tell since his mouth was covered.

>"Well Bye Maxie I love you so much!" Roxanne said.

DALE: Yeah, just wait until his checks bounce.

>"I do too!" Max said. She kissed Max again, and waved to PJ, and Rose. 
>Roxanne closed the door behind her. Max smiled, and walked down the 
>steps, still blushing.
>"Hey Max your blushing dude!" PJ said.
>"Am not..."
>"Are too!" PJ argued.

MONTY: Oh, Max and PJ are really chipmunks.
CHIP & DALE: Hey!

>"I am?" Max smiled sheepishly.
>"Will just walk Max you need time alone lover boy!" PJ joked.

ALL: Ewwww....

>"Yeah...so what I am I'm in love with Roxanne!

CHIP: This had better not be the precursor to a song....

>"Dude I was just kidding." PJ said.
>"I know dude." Max said.

MONTY: [Max] I was too -- I'm really just toyin' with the dumb broad.

>"See ya!" Max said.
>"Okay see ya!" Max said as he waved to PJ. Max hoped into his car, 

CHIP: [sadly] You know, it's not even worth trying anymore.

>and drove back home. He soon approached his house, and drove up 
>into his driveway. Max got out, walked to the front door, and 
>opened it.

DALE: *THRILL* as he walks in!

>"Hi dad!" Max said as he closed the front door behind him.

CHIP: *GASP* as he greets his father!

>"Hiya Maxie...ah-hyuck! How was school today?" Goofy asked.

MONTY: *CRY* as you read the exact same lines over and over!

>"Great..." Max said.
>"Anything happen at School?"

CHIP: [Max] I killed Chad. Oh, and the cafeteria jacked up the price
      on milk by a nickel.

>"Well I'm going to run for Student Body President that's all." Max 
>said.

DALE: [Max] I'll have run really fast to catch it when it flees in
      terror.

>"Garwsh that shore brings back some memories."

MONTY: [Max] No! Not the family album!!!

>"I'll bet you ran for Student Body President right?" Max asked.

CHIP: [Goofy] Nope. Just said it brought back memories. Like when I
      swore to my father on his deathbed to use hot bands of fire to
      flail the skin from the body of anyone I knew who got into 
      politics. Ahyuck! C'mere.

>"You betchy...ah-hyuck!"
>"So did you win?" Max asked.

DALE: [Goofy] Nope! Lost it big-time and sent me on a downward spiral,
      ahyuck!

>"Yup...and good Ol' Pete got in trouble with the Principal!" Goofy 
>said.
>"What did he do?"

MONTY: [Goofy] Mistook the Principal for me--
DALE: [Max] That's it?
MONTY: [Goofy] --when Pete pantsed the guy and dragged him around the 
       track.

>"Spread rumors about me, and went through my permanent files, and 
>tampered them."

CHIP: Pete's political idol was Nixon, apparently.

>"Jeez...he did all that just to get you outta the race?" Max asked.

MONTY: Granted, Pete's a semi-bad guy, but is Goofy really *that* big
       of a threat in a school election?
CHIP: Does anyone *care* enough about student elections to go to the 
      trouble?
DALE: [sadly] These people have no future....

>"Yup...." Goofy said.
>"I see...

DALE: [Max] That's okay; don't bother finishing the story. You only 
      brought it up, after all.

>         by the way what's for dinner pop?" Max asked.
>"Meat loaf!" Goofy said.

MONTY: [Goofy] Ahyuck! You ever see "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"?

>"I see sounds good, really oh I'm going to go over to Roxanne's house 
>tonight is that okay?" Max asked.

CHIP: Boy, that was a perfectly executed fib, wasn't it?

>"Why sure Maxie just don't be out too long." Goofy said.
>"Sure pop." Later that night, Max snatched his car keys, and drove to 
>Roxanne's house. He parked in front of her house, and secured the car. 

DALE: By riveting it to the ground.

>He walked up to her door, and rang the doorbell.

CHIP: Wait -- shouldn't he be expecting her father to answer?
MONTY: Gasp! Deviation!
DALE: Shock! Horror!

>"Hi Maxie...come on in Stacey,

CHIP: [Stacey] Don't say 'hi' to me or anything, Max. I've only been
      on the porch for five minutes.

>                               and PJ is here!" Roxanne said. Max 
>followed Roxanne inside.
>"Hi guys!" Max said.
>"Hi Max...hey I just go through some campaign sighs check 
>it out!" PJ said.

CHIP: [PJ] ...*sigh*, I didn't know that land belonged to the American 
      Indians... *sigh*, I didn't know that nuclear power plant was
      dangerous... *sigh*, I didn't know that girl was wearing a
      concealed microphone....

>"Cool!" Max said as he followed PJ.
>"Dude! This is something." Max said looking at the sign oddly.

DALE: [Max] I think it's some type of message, but can't be sure.

>"Something wrong?" PJ asked.
>"Well...the picture is great, but the phrase is not!"

MONTY: [PJ] What's wrong with "Don't Settle for the Lesser Evil"?

>"Yeah!" Roxanne agreed. PJ went to work leaving the girls, 

DALE: It takes an effort for him?

>                                                           and 
>Max to talk.
>"Hey Max let's brainstorm for the campaign speech." Roxanne and 
>Stacey suggested.

CHIP: I suspect their brainstorms have less precipitation than the
      Sahara.

>"Okay first of all when I made my speech, I put what I could 
>do for the school, and that's the most important thing you can 
>put into the speech." Stacey said.

MONTY: Stacey is just the guru of speech-writin', ain't she?

>                                   Max began thinking of something,
>but ending up into a dead end.

CHIP: Pretty much par for the course.

>"Jeez I'm no good at this!" Max said sadly.
>"Max...don't fret will help you!" Roxanne said.

ALL: What?

>"Thanks!"

CHIP: [Max] I have absolutely no clue what the heck it was you just
      said, but am sure it was a supportive comment.

>"Okay first of all you should have something in there that you 
>are planning to do as President for instance. Hello My Name is Max 
>Goof, if elected as your president, I will try to make lunch 
>activities much more interesting...." Stacey suggested.

DALE: Uh, what exactly are "lunch activities" besides eating? I mean,
      doesn't lunch period mean you, you know, eat lunch?

>"Okay this shouldn't be too hard...okay let's see...umm...

MONTY: I guess it *is* too hard.

>                                                          well I 
>do want to make lunch activities better, 

CHIP: [Max] By introducing chewing and digestion.

>                                         and the pep rallies more 
>fun!"
>"Well there you go Max!" Stacey said.

MONTY: [Stacey] It sucks rocks!

>"See Maxie I told you can do it!" Roxanne said.

DALE: [Roxanne] Feel free to start any time now.

>"Your right!" 

CHIP: What about her left?

>              Max said as he began writing down his rough draft 
>of his speech. Later that hour, Max put his pen down, and picked 
>up the paper once more.
>"Okay here's what I have!" Max said.
>"Let's hear it Max!" Roxanne said.

DALE: [singing] If I were not a candidate... a window washer me! With
      a scrub-a-dub-dub, and a rub-a-dub-dub, and a scrub-a-dub-dub
      all day long!

>"Okay...Hello my name is Max Goof, and I'm running for Student 
>Body President, if elected I will do my best to make lunch 
>activities more interesting, and Pep rallies too. If elected..." 
>Max went on. "How does it sound?"

CHIP: How does *what* sound?

>"Terrific Max!" Roxanne said.

CHIP: What?
DALE: Huh?
MONTY: Eh?

>"Yeah? You...you mean it?" Max stammered.
>"Yep!" Roxanne assured.

CHIP: Hey, time out here! That wasn't a speech, it was something
      from a fortune cookie!
DALE: *That* took him an hour to write?!

>"Thanks!" Max said.
>"Yeah Max it's great!" Stacey said.

CHIP: [Stacey] It's Imaginary Speech -- you let the listeners make up
      what you say!

>"Cool!" Max said.
>"Yeah dude it rules!" PJ said, and high foured Max. "Yo dude how's 
>this?" PJ showed one of the signs to Max.
>"DUDE! It rules!"

CHIP: [angrily] It's a piece of blank paper!

>                  Max said and high foured him. Later that night 
>about 10:00 P.M.,

DALE: So Max's campaign drive consists of a speech the size of a 
      bumper sticker and a series of blank posters?

>                  Max was talking with Roxanne, on her sofa.
>"Max?" Roxanne asked.
>"Yeah?"

MONTY: [Roxanne] I want to start dating other mutts.

>"Good Luck tomorrow..."

MONTY: Roxanne can tell he's gonna bomb Big Time.

>"Thanks Roxy!" Max said, as he glanced at his watch.
>"Jeez I'd better get going...thanks guys!" Max said, as he grabbed the 
>signs..
>"No problem." PJ and Stacey said.
>"I'll pick you up tomorrow morning about 7:30 Roxanne?"
>"Okay!" Roxanne said, and smiled.

DALE: [Roxanne] What time will you set me back down?

>"Well see you guys in school!" Max said.
>"See ya tomorrow Max!" Stacey and PJ said. Roxanne came up to Max and 
>gave him a passionate kiss, sending him into a quick stupor.

CHIP: Which wasn't much of a change from the constant stupor he
      existed in.

>Hmm...Hmm... hmm...

MONTY: [author] What should I write here?

>                   ah-hyuck! Max covered his mouth, and smiled 
>sheepishly at Roxanne. She could not help but giggle.

CHIP: Being a completely brainless airhead, after all.

>"Heh...silly bye Max!" Roxanne said.
>"Buh..Bye!" Max timidly waved and backing up into his car.
>"OOF...hehe."

DALE: Okay, who said that? Roxanne?
CHIP: Max?
MONTY: The Door?

>"Silly!" Roxanne said as she waved.
>"Heh!" Max hoped into his car, and drove away. Max drove all the way 
>home thinking of Roxanne. 

CHIP: Reminding us all to pay attention to the road as he rammed
      headfirst into a telephone pole.

>                          Her soft warm inviting eyes,

ALL: Sayyyy....

>                                                       he perfect 
>smile, 

DALE: Whoops. A missing "r" can make a world of difference, can't it?

>       and her red hair which shimmered like rubies on a ring. Max 
>pulled up into his driveway, and secured the car.

MONTY: He chains his car to the driveway?

>                                                  He hoped out,

DALE: I guess Chad's taunts were too much for poor Maxie....

>                                                                and got 
>the signs from the back. Max walked up to his porch, and opened the 
>front door.
>"Hi dad I'm back!" Max said as he closed the front door behind him.
>"Hiya Maxie didja get alot done over there?" Goofy asked.
>"Yep...I finished my speech!"

CHIP: [Max] I call it "Mein Kampf".

>"Oh let's hear it ah-hyuck!"
>"Sure, ahem.

MONTY: [Max] Hrfty grnfd srtf grmmb--

>             Hello my name is Max Goof, and I am running for Student 
>Body President, 

DALE: [Max] But it bolts every time I close in.

>                if elected I will do my best to make lunch activities 
>more interesting, 

CHIP: [Max] Saliva will be employed.

>                  and Pep rallies too. If elected, I will try my 
>hardest to be one of the greatest student body presidents there is 
>thank you."
>"Sound good Maxie...ah-hyuck!" Goofy said.

CHIP: [Goofy] Now that you've done the ad for morning announcements,
      let's hear the actual campaign speech.

>"Thanks dad!" Max said as he yawned.
>"Tired Maxie?"
>"Yeah good night dad." Max said droopy eyed.

CHIP: It takes a lot of effort to write four lines, after all.

>"Night son see you in the morning." Goofy said. Max trudged 
>slowly upstairs just as he was going to go into his room, 
>Goofy stopped him.

MONTY: [Goofy, ominous] The rabbits are still screaming.

>"Max don't forget to brush, and floss your teeth ah-hyuck!"
>"Sure pop." Max said. "I won't forget!"

DALE: [Max] You only remind me EVERY SINGLE NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!

>                                        He sauntered slowly into 
>the bathroom, 

MONTY: Moseyed over to the sink, and then strolled over to the window.

>              and turned on the lights. He stared at himself in the 
>mirror. 

CHIP: [Max] My God, I look like a french loaf that grew eyes.

>        `Max what are you going to do, are you just gonna let Chad 
>walk all over you? 

DALE: It's worked in the past.

>                   Or stand up to him tomorrow you'll show him at 
>the speeches tomorrow.' 

CHIP: With your *BIG* ten-second speech.

>                        Max sighed, and said to himself. 

MONTY: Or would have, if he had anythin' worthwhile to say.
CHIP: [snorting] Never stopped him before.

>                                                         He took 
>out his toothpaste, and toothbrush. 

MONTY: Now what am I supposed to do with these, again? Oh yeah --
       scrub down the toilet.

>                                    He began brushing his teeth 
>twitching every time the strong minty flavored toothpaste contacted 
>his teeth. 

CHIP: His teeth have nerve endings on the enamel?

>           After that finished, he rinsed his mouth out, and began 
>flossing his teeth. Again the floss got trapped him his two front 
>teeth.
>`Man, why me!' 

MONTY: Blame Copy & Paste.

>               Max said to himself as he was trying to get the 
>floss free from his teeth.

MONTY: Try a band saw.

>                           Finally after ten minutes of pulling, 
>and yanking at the floss, he threw it in the trash, turned off the 
>lights, and left the bathroom. Max closed the door, that did not 
>mean his dad would unexpectedly sneak up on him, 

DALE: And bash his skull in with a moose head. Really. Never happened
      before.

>                                                 but he wanted 
>privacy. Max shut the blinds, stripped down to his briefs, 

ALL: GAAAH!

>                                                           and 
>turned off the main lights. Max hoped into bed,

CHIP: [whimpering] I gave up hope a long time ago.

>                                                and set his clock 
>for 6:50. Sleep brushed over him like a soothing wind on a serene 
>grass field.

MONTY: Aflame.

>             He began dreaming of Roxanne on a peaceful field of 
>grass.

CHIP: While she hanged him in effigy.

>
><Time Index: 6:50 A.M. Wednesday May 6th >
>BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! 

DALE: *BOOM!* The Mad Bomber has struck again! 
CHIP: Why does he keep setting his alarm for different times?

>                  Max woke up suddenly, reached over, and smacked the 
>alarm clock off. He squinted as he looked at the alarm clock. Max 
>grumbled, and put his head beneath his pillow. 

DALE: [Max] God, dad is singing Abba songs again....

>                                               Just then Goofy 
>unexpectedly opened Max's door, and came in.

CHIP: They live the same dull life every single day -- how can
      *anything* be unexpected?

>"Max wake up son school today!" Goofy shook his shoulder.
>"Hmm.. Wha...oh yeah school." Max said somnolently.

[CHIP blows a referee whistle and throws a yellow flag into the air.]

CHIP: Fifteen yard penalty for using a word like that in a "Goofy
      Movie" fanfic.

>                                                    He slowly got up 
>from his bed, as Goofy departed his room, and headed downstairs to 
>prepare breakfast. 

MONTY: Maxie makes breakfast while just wearin' his briefs? Rather 
       unappetizin', ain't it?

>                   Max scratched his head and yawned widely as he 
>looked for his clothes. 

DALE: Ah, the magic elves hid them again, the little pranksters.

>                        Once he found his clothes, and put them on, he 
>trudged into the bathroom to wash his face, and comb his hair. 

MONTY: But no shower again? Max must be short for "Maximum Odor".
CHIP: I hear the sequel to this is "A Gamey Movie".

>                                                               `Aakk 
>what a mess.' Max said to himself as he grabbed his comb, and wet it 
>several times. 

DALE: Brings a whole new meaning to "I wet 'em", doesn't it?

[CHIP and MONTY shudder at the thought.]

>               Once he had his hair the way he liked it, he looked at 
>himself once more, and then turned off the lights. 

DALE: You know, I just realized this is kind of like "Groundhog Day".
CHIP: Except for the humor.
MONTY: And the irony.
CHIP: And the poignancy.
MONTY: And the depth of characters.
DALE: Uh, what are we left with?
CHIP: Repetition.
MONTY: Repetition.
CASSANDRA'S VOICE: Repetition.

[Workshop]

GADGET & FOXGLOVE: Repetition.

[T.V. Chamber]

DALE: [subdued] ...oh.

>                                                   He quickly got his 
>wallet and his backpack from his room, and trudged downstairs to 
>breakfast.

MONTY: Just trudgin' through another dreary day of existence....

>"Good morning' Maxie boy ah-hyuck breakfast is just about done!" Goofy 
>said.

CHIP: Over the roaring flames and din of fire trucks.

>"Morning dad." Max said as he sat down at the table. "What's for 
>breakfast?"

MONTY: [Goofy] Dunno, ahyuck! Couldn't recognize it when I was
       scrapin' it off of the bumper!

>"Sausage, pancakes, and toast ah-hyuck!"
>"Sounds good, really!" Max said. Goofy placed the pancakes, sausage, 
>and the toast on the table. They both ate breakfast in virtual silence. 

DALE: These are men of few words.
CHIP: These are men of few dendrites.

>Later that morning, 

MONTY: Around ten or so. Maybe later. Dunno for sure.

>                    Max got up from the table, and went to the bathroom 
>to brush his teeth, soon returning with his car keys in his right 
>hands.

CHIP: [Max] I spontaneously sprouted another limb, dad. I really
      think we should stop using toxic waste as a water substitute.
MONTY: Actually, that would account a *lot* for the Goofy family's
       traits....

>"Okay I'll see you after school!" Max said as he placed his backpack on 
>his back.

DALE: Sounds reasonable.

>"Okay Max...have a good day don't forget your lunch!" Goofy said as he 
>pointed to the counter where his lunch was.

MONTY: Maxie would forget his head if not for Goofy, I bet.

>"Thanks!" Max said as he headed out to his car. He opened the back 
>trunk, 

CHIP: Not to be confused with the side trunk, of course.

>       and put his backpack in. He closed the trunk, and opened the 
>front car door. Max hoped in, and closed the door. He fastened his 
>belt, and started the car up. Max backed out slowly from the driveway, 

MONTY: Runnin' over five people.

>and then drove to Roxanne's house. Max pulled up, and parked in the 
>front of her house. Max secured the car, 

DALE: More riveting.
CHIP: At least something is riveting about this story.

>                                         and walked up to her front 
>door. Max rang the doorbell.
>"Hi Max!" Roxanne exclaimed as she grabbed her books.

MONTY: [Max] I came to see your dad.

>"Hi Roxy ready to go?" Max asked as he smiled.
>"Of course silly!" Roxanne said. "Bye daddy!" Roxanne waved to her dad, 
>and closed the front door. Max opened the passenger side door for 
>Roxanne. She smiled, and hoped in. They both fastened their seat belts. 
>Max started the engine up, and drove away from her house headed towards 
>the school.

DALE: You know, this reminds me of a busboy training video. Only not 
      as exciting.

>"So Max all ready to deliver your speech tomorrow?" Roxanne asked.
>"I think so..." Max said, and smiled. Roxanne smiled back, and 
>continued to look out of her window. 

CHIP: [Roxanne] Why is the sky blue?
DALE: [Roxanne] How do sandwiches work?
MONTY: [Roxanne] What makes that rattling sound when I shake my head?

>                                     They soon arrived at Haye's High 
>School. Max pulled into the parking lot, and drove around finding a 
>parking spot. Finally after ten minutes of looking, 

DALE: He gave up and went home.

>                                                    Max pulled up, 
>secured the car, and popped open the trunk. Max and Roxanne got out of 
>the car.

CHIP: [Max] C'mon. Time for you to get in the truck.

>         Max got his stuff out, and locked the trunk, and the car. 

DALE: [Roxanne] Why did you put your books in the truck in the first
      place?
MONTY: [Max] Shaddup. [slapslap!]

>                                                                   They 
>both headed towards the main building, where they met up with the 
>group.

CHIP: Ah, time for the cherished exchange of greetings and hellos
      before the bell rings. Wonderful.

>"Yo guys!" PJ said to Max and Roxanne.
>"Hi guys!" Max said as he high foured PJ, and Bobby. They all said 
>their hellos, and walked into the main building, where unexpectedly 

DALE: Hey, something unexpected is about to happen!
CHIP: I'm not all that convinced.

>Chad, and his friends stopped them.
>"Well...well if it ain't the goof troop!" Chad said sarcastically.

CHIP: Chad is losing a lot of clout in my book as a villain.
DALE: Yeah. I bet Tammy could take him down.
MONTY: I bet *Bink* could.

>"Look Chad why don't you save yourself sometime 

CHIP: [Max] Give up drinking and find the church.

>                                                I know what your gonna 
>say....your probably gonna say I have no chance against you, and your 
>gonna cream me tomorrow!"

DALE: Is this supposed to be a tension builder?
CHIP: No. More like a tension subcontractor. 
MONTY: The lowest bidder, no less.

>"Well I'm impressed you're not just a wimp, but you're a psychic!" Chad 
>said sarcastically, and his friends began to laugh.

MONTY: Must be the executives who thought "Bonkers" would be a hit show.

>"Come on guys we don't have to take this!" Max said, 

ALL: [the group] What do you mean, "we", loser?

>                                                     as he, and the 
>group left.
>"SEE YOU TOMORROW GOOF!" Chad yelled. Max grumbled a bit.

CHIP: Because he knew that since they were both running in the
      election, he would be forced to indeed see Chad tomorrow, and
      thus had to admit Chad was right.

>"Maxie, you okay?" Roxanne asked as she placed a hand on his arm.

MONTY: [Roxanne] I know the locations of dozens of acidic lakes where
       his body will never be found.

>"Hmm? Oh yeah I guess (Until Tomorrow)." Max said positively.

CHIP: How can anything be a positive statement with that ominous 
      _Until Tomorrow_ bit?

>BRRRRRRIIIIINNNGGG!
>"Drat first period bell well see you guys at lunch!" Max said.

DALE: Now a drat first period bell will see them at lunch?
CHIP: Dale, just forget it.

>"See ya Max bye Roxanne!"

DALE: We'll see Max buy Roxanne what? Hah!

[MONTY is ready to hold CHIP back, but CHIP just sighs.]

CHIP: I'd bonk him on the head, but this fanfic has sucked the life 
      out of me.

>"Bye guys!" Max and Roxanne walked upstairs to their first period 
>class. Max's morning classes went by like a speeding train.

CHIP: Several students were horribly mauled?

>                                                            Max and 
>Roxanne walked to their lockers, put their stuff in them, and got their 
>lunches out. Max and Roxanne walk to the lunch area, where the group 
>was waiting for them.

MONTY: In ambush, I hope.

>"Hi Max...Hi Roxanne!" Stacey said as she continued to chat with 
>Rose.

CHIP: [Rose] Stacey, is it too much to ask for you to at least *look* 
      at Max and Roxy when you say that?

>"Yo Peej...Bobby!" Max said.
>"Hi guys!" Roxanne added. 

CHIP: [Roxanne] I'm not a communist!

>                          Max and Roxanne sat down together, and began 
>eating their lunches while chatting with the rest of the gang.

CHIP: Kids, don't talk with your mouths full.
MONTY: Better yet, just don't talk.

>"Say Max, you ready?" Stacey asked.
>"Ready for what?" Max asked.

DALE: [Stacey] For death!

>"Ready to deliver your speech tomorrow!" Stacey laughed.
>"Oh yeah!" Max said, as he took a bite out of his sandwich.
>"By the way Max, I made some campaign stickers for you hand them out 
>whenever you get a chance!" Stacey said as she handed him the stickers.

DALE: "Help support the mentally handicapped -- elect Max Goof."
MONTY: "Vote for Max Goof and the New World Order."
CHIP: "A vote for Max Goof is a vote for racial purity."

>"Cool! Thanks!" Max said. "So guys how were your classes?"
>"BORING! As usual!" PJ said.
>"Yeah dude a total drag man!" Bobby added.

CHIP: Like, fer sure.

>"Guys! I can't believe you...I mean like school is the best, how are 
>you gonna expect to get a decent job later in life without a good 
>education you gotta be." 

CHIP: Ah, it makes sense now; this is really a funny farm for
      adolescents.

>                         Stacey went on chewing the two out. Max and 
>Roxanne could not help but laugh. PJ and Bobby beamed an angry look at 
>the two.

DALE: [Shatner] Beam me angry, Bobby.

>"Sorry guys I just can't contain myself!" 

MONTY: So wear diapers.

>                                          Max said laughing. PJ and 
>Bobby rolled their eyes up. 

DALE: Impressed yet?

>                            They continued to chat between bites 
>throughout the entire lunch period.

CHIP: Like the day before that, and the day before that, and the
      day before that....
DALE: Man, even _Voyager_ didn't have this many time loops!

>BRRRRRRRRIIIINNNGGG!

CHIP: Here's hoping it's the Disney lawyers for once.

>The entire group got up from their seats, threw their trash away, and 
>headed outside to their classes. 

DALE: Oh, that's just what they told the hall monitors so they could
      cut class.

>                                 Each saying goodbye to each other, and 
>going their separate ways. 

MONTY: Now we're suddenly at the end of their college years....

>                           Max and Roxanne walk to their lockers to get 
>their stuff. They both walked upstairs to their class. 

DALE: Shouldn't they be fighting a crowd?
CHIP: Maybe they got smart and just killed the crowd once and for all.

>                                                       Max and 
>Roxanne's fifth, and even sixth period classes went by faster then 
>their morning classes.

CHIP: [author] I just don't want to bother with them, okay?!

>BRRRRRRRRIIIINNNGGG!

CHIP: [Bell] Watson? Come in here; and bring the 12-gauge.

>The end of another day, 

MONTY: Days don't end in this thing; they're just recycled.

>                        everyone rushing to their lockers to get to his 
>or her stuff and head home. Max and Roxanne walk down the stairs 
>holding hands, and walked towards the main entrance where they met up 
>with the group. 

DALE: Geez, it's like kindergarten; everything is done as a group.

>                Each person saying hellos to each other as they walk 
>out of the main entrance. 

CHIP: Because saying goodbye hurts too much.

>                          The school buses rolling up in front of the 
>school waiting to take students home. 

MONTY: The buses were barrel rollin' up, though, so it might be a
       while before they can leave.

>                                      Several students passed by Max, 
>and praised him on running for student body president, 

DALE: The students of this school are really starting to scare me.
CHIP: You're just noticing this now?

>                                                       and Max giving 
>them a sticker saying Max Goof 4 President. They were all chatting 
>about various things as they headed to the parking lot.

CHIP: Watergate, whitewater, the retrieval of the K-129 Russian
      sub....

>"See you Max...see you Roxanne!" The gang said.
>"Laters!" Max said, as Roxanne, and Max waved. He got the car keys out, 
>disarmed the burglar alarm, and unlocked the door for Roxanne. They 
>both hoped in, and fastened their seat belts. Max started the engine 
>up, and backed out of the parking lot.

DALE: [Sister Mary Elephant] Uh, thank you, young man--

>                                       Max drove out of the parking 
>lot, and headed towards Roxanne's house. Passing Luv's Records, and 
>turning on Main to Maple Street.

DALE: [Sister Mary Elephant] Thank you--

>                                 Max, and Roxanne began talking about 
>various stuff like the elections, school, whatever came to their minds. 

DALE: [Sister Mary Elephant] That's enough, young man--

>Soon they approached Roxanne's house. He pulled up in front of her 
>house, and secured the car.

DALE: [Sister Mary Elephant] Young man--

>                            Max, went around, and opened the door for 
>Roxanne.

DALE: [Sister Mary Elephant] Youn--

>         They both walked up to her porch, and stopped in front of her 
>door.

DALE: [Sister Mary Elephant] *SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!*

[CHIP and MONTY applaud.]

DALE: [Sister Mary Elephant] Thank you.

>"Well Max, umm...call me later?" Roxanne asked.

DALE: [Max] Call you what?

>"Sure Roxy." Max affectionately brushed his hand over her cheek, leaned 
>over, and gave her a passionate kiss on the lips. Roxanne started to 
>blush, and giggled. Max joined in, letting out, an ah-hyuck.
>(Hmm.hmm.hmm.) 

DALE: Was that the author just now?

>               Ah-hyuck! 

CHIP: Was *that* the author just now?!

>                         Max covered his mouth, and smiled sheepishly.
>"Heh silly Maxie, well bye!" Roxanne said.

DALE: Hey, wait -- that "Hmmm" bit reminds me of an idea. C'mon. Let's 
      take a break real quick.

[He gets up and leaves the Chamber.]

CHIP: [surprised] We can do that?
MONTY: You complainin', mate? Let's go.

[They leave.]

[Bumper of the RR symbol as time-lapse photography shows the day going
into night, while the theme plays over it.]

[Commercials.]

[Living Room]

[CHIP is off to the right of the table, playing a piano, while MONTY
is on the left, playing a small set of drums. DALE is in front of the
table, leaning back on a handheld T.V., the image of Max frozen
on the screen -- preferably when Max is looking exceptionally bored. 
DALE is playing an acoustic guitar. The lighting is tastefully low
for a somber mood, while all three of the Rangers have contemplative 
looks. DALE begins to sing to the tune of "Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm".]

DALE: Once... there was this dog whose
      life was so drab and boring that nothing ever happened.
      And when... he woke from his sleep,
      He "hoped"
      into his car and drove to Roxanne's
      He ate dinner in silence
      And watched some TELEVISION

      Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm
      Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm

[The image on the screen dissolves to Roxanne, looking completely
brainless.]

DALE: Once... there was this girl with
      so much space in her head that the Blue Angels preformed there
      And when... a neuron was used
      She rolled
      her eyes up and she said "silly"
      She couldn't quite explain it
      'Cause she could only giggle

      Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm
      Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm

      Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm
      Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm

[Screen dissolves to a shot of "the group".]

DALE: And "the group's" collective brain cells
      Couldn't beat a game of Freecell

[The screen dissolves to any image of Chad.]

DALE: And then... there was this bully
      Who wasn't really a bully just big and dumb and cliched
      And when... he made his "tough" threats
      They were
      Even emptier than Roxanne's head
      He called the others losers 
      But it takes one to know one

      Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm
      Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm

      Zzzz Zzzz Zzzz Zzzz
      Zzzz Zzzz Zzzz Zzzz

ALL: Yawwn-yawwwwn-yawwwn-yawn-yawn
     Yawwn-yawwwwn-yawwwn-yawn-yawn

     Yawwn-yawwwwn-yawwwn-yawn-yawn
     Yawwn-yawwwwn-yawwwn-yawn-yawn

[The Rangers play quieter and quieter, finally coming to an artful
stop. The lights return to their normal levels.]

DALE: Well, that was a nice break.
CHIP: Yeah. I didn't know we were allowed breaks.
MONTY: [thoughtfully] And we're not even Union.

[The lights, buzzers, and chaos hit.]

CHIP: Maybe we should be -- break time's over already!

[6 ... 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1]

[The TOQ crew enter and sit down in their respective seats.]

>"Heh.... Buh...Bye!" Max stammered. Roxanne affectionately brushed her 
>hand over Max's cheek, and waved to him, as she closed the door behind 
>her. Max waved back to Roxanne, 

DALE: Good thing Roxy has X-ray vision to see it through the closed
      door.

>                                and pleasantly sighed. Max walked back 
>slowly to his car, and hoped in. Max glanced at her house, and sighed 
>pleasantly once more. 

MONTY: [Max] That bomb should go off any time now....

>                      He started up the engine, and Max drove away from 
>her house, and soon arrived back on his block. 

CHIP: Max lives the type of life where a trip to the grocery store is
      a major and traumatic event.

>                                               He drove up into his 
>driveway, and stopped the car. Max hoped out, and popped the trunk to 
>get his backpack out from the back. 

DALE: I still don't get the backpack in the trunk deal. Is he carrying
      around dead fish in it or something?
MONTY: Heh. A biology project gone horribly awry.

>                                    Max walked up to his porch, and 
>opened the door.

CHIP: When the herd of wildebeests that Goofy smuggled in last night
      stampeded out in a massive frenzy!
DALE: [sighing] Sure would be nice.

>"Hiya Max how was school?" Goofy asked.
>"Good!" Max smiled. "So what's for dinner pop?"
>"Ham and scalloped Potaters...ah-hyuck!" Goofy said.

MONTY: Goofy is a step above most dads in the cookin' department, I'll
       give him that.

>"Sound great, dad, really, it does!" Max said not so excited. "Well 
>I'll be upstairs studying until my eyes get sore." Max walked slowly up 
>the stairs.

CHIP: [growling] *Life* happens slowly in this fanfic!

>"Okay son happy studying ah-hyuck!" Goofy said. Max turned around and 
>looked at his dad.

DALE: [Max] You are so outta it, old man.

>"Sure pop." Max said, as he continued climbing the stairs, and walked 
>into his messy room. What a mess! 

CHIP: Oh, we're in Dale's room.
DALE: [indignantly] Hey!

>                                  There were papers, magazines, and 
>dirty clothes all over the place. 

MONTY: Yeah, what's with you, Maxie?

>                                  Max kicked some pair of pants out of 
>his path. 

CHIP: The pants stood up and kicked the stuffing out of Max.
DALE: Oh, they were those green pants that Dr. Suess warned us about.

>          Max sat down near his desk, and shoved the papers off, and 
>onto the floor. 

MONTY: [Max] Stupid court orders; I never followed 'em before, why
       start now?

>                Max opened his geometry book, got a fresh clean piece 
>of paper, and went to work instantaneously. 

DALE: He didn't have any geometry homework, though, so it was kinda
      pointless.

>                                            Meanwhile his troubles came 
>back to him. 

MONTY: From their mother's house.

>             `What would I do if Chad wins? 

CHIP: Lose.

>                                            Man I'll be the laughing 
>stock of the entire school...

MONTY: And thus have found your niche in life.

>                             this sure bites!'

DALE: We fully agree.

>                                               Max said to himself. He 
>tried to shake his troubles out, but it would cooperate. 

CHIP: Someone call the paramedics -- that sentence just had a massive
      seizure!

>                                                         He coerced 
>himself to think about schoolwork, and not the elections..

ALL: Sayyyyy....

>                                                           'Max...get a 
>hold of yourself...schoolwork comes first.' Max said to himself 
>repeatedly. 

CHIP: And if there's something we know that Max can do, it's repeat
      himself.
DALE: Hey... isn't the author's handle "Max_Goof"?
MONTY: Well, whattaya know....

>            Just as he was about to finish his last problem, Goofy 
>called him from downstairs.
>"MAX!!...DINNER'S READY!"

MONTY: [Goofy] GET YER [CITNOGT] DOWN HERE NOW YA [CITNOGT]!

[CHIP and DALE whistle innocently.]

>"ALL RIGHT!" Max yelled from upstairs. Max placed the paper between the 
>pages so he will not forget where he is in the book. 

MONTY: Remembering something that happened earlier in the evenin' is
       so hard, yeah.

>                                                     Max turned off his 
>lights, and trudged downstairs. 

CHIP: [Max] Isn't this fanfic over yet?!

>                                He sat down with his dad, and they 
>began eating in virtual silence.

DALE: [Max] Let's not talk.
CHIP: Suits me fine.
MONTY: Too right.

>"So Max when do you have to deliver your speech?" Goofy asked as he 
>broke the silence in the room.
>"Tomorrow." Max said not happy.
>"What's the matter?" Goofy asked.

CHIP: [Max] FedEx is booked through Sunday, and UPS won't insure it.

>"Just nervous I guess." Max said, as he continued to eat.
>"Why are you nervous Max...

DALE: [Goofy] You know you're gonna have a humiliating loss, so why
      worry?

>                           it just takes a little confidence although 
>it's okay to be nervous."
>"I know...but what if everyone laugh's at me or boo's at me."

MONTY: [Goofy] Then it'll be just like every other day of your
       pathetic life, son.

>"You just have to have a little faith in yourself, 

CHIP: [Goofy] Since nobody else does.

>                                                   and everyone else." 
>Goofy said.
>"Your right dad, but I know I'll be nervous for a while."

DALE: [Max] What if Chad doesn't ask me to that dance?

>"Wahyll...it's okay to be nervous remember keep the faith."
>"Thanks pop!" Max said happier.

CHIP: It says something about a kid when their moods are that
      easily effected by "Goofy wisdom".

>"My pleasure son." Goofy smiled, and resumed eating his dinner. Later 
>that night, Max trudged upstairs to study some more. 

DALE: [Max] My life is a hollow lie....

>                                                     Max had a great 
>deal on his mind, but decided to just think about it later, 

CHIP: So he didn't have a great deal on his mind, then.

>                                                            and try to 
>get some work done.. An hour later Max finally finished his English, 
>and Marine Biology work. 

ALL: Marine Biology???
CHIP: Where did *that* come from?
DALE: I guess he really *was* carrying a dead fish around in his
      backpack.
MONTY: Weird homework project.

>                         He put his stuff back in his backpack, and 
>went downstairs. Max accidentally stepped on Waffles' tail. He let out 
>a loud meow

DALE: No, Max, you're a dog; you should be barking.

>"Oops sorry Waffles." Max said. "Hey dad whatcha watching?"
>"Oh ER...ah-hyuck!" Goofy said.

CHIP: Now *that's* a line I can actually hear Goofy saying.

>"ER...oh jeez I don't wanna miss this." Max said, 

DALE: He sounds really enthusiastic, huh?

>                                                  as he sat down on the 
>sofa to watch the show with his dad. This was probably one of Max's 
>favorite shows on television. He never missed one episode once, and did 
>not plan to in the future.

MONTY: Maxie had no life, and did not plan to ever have one.

>                           Max was getting tired, as the credits 
>rolled
>"Tired Maxie boy?" Goofy asked.
>"Yeah...good night dad." Max said.
>"Good night Maxie...see you in the morning." Max trudged slowly up the 
>stairs. He was about to take another step when Goofy stopped him.

MONTY: [Goofy, ominously] The darkness hides the eater of your soul.

>"Max do not forget to brush your teeth, and floss too...ah-hyuck!"

CHIP: [D.A.] Is it not true, Mr. Goof, that your son Max was driven to
      his mad murder spree by your constant, unyielding reminders on
      proper dental hygiene?!
DALE: [Max] Brushyourteethbrushyourteethbrushyourteethflossflossfloss
      KILLKILLKILL!!!

>"Hmm oh sure pop I won't forget." Max said somnolently. He walked into 
>the bathroom, and turned the lights on. 

ALL: Surprise! [singing] Happy birthday to you--

>                                        He looked at himself in the 
>mirror, 

DALE: And screamed in terror.

>        and sat there brushing his teeth while thinking about 
>something.

CHIP: [author] Don't ask me *what*....

>           Just then, he remembered what his dad told him.

DALE: To brush his teeth and floss?

>                                                           `Keep the 
>Faith Max.'

DALE: [singing] We were keeping the faith....

>"Yeah keep the faith dad's right I just need to buck up, and keep the 
>faith." 

CHIP: With his buck teeth he's halfway there.

>        Max said to himself, he continued to brush his teeth, and 
>flossed after that. Once he was done, 

DALE: What? No hilarious floss-in-the-teeth bit again?
CHIP: Yay team.

>                                      Max put his toothpaste and 
>toothbrush back and left the room turning off the lights. He slowly 
>walked in the room closing the door behind him. 

MONTY: Wait. Did he just go back into the bathroom?
CHIP: [puzzled] I... think so.

>                                                PJ's light was still on 
>so he thought why not see what PJ's up to so he walked to the window, 

CHIP: And peered in, feeding his twisted voyeurism.
DALE: Eeeew... he's a Peeping Max!

>and gave the cable a ring.

CHIP: [Max] Will you marry me, broadband?

>"Yo Max-o what's shakin'?" PJ asked.

DALE: [Max] Your belly, you tub of lard.

>"Nothing much just about to hit the sack you?"
>"Doing Math ICK!" PJ disgusted.

DALE: Mathickmatics?
MONTY: Daffy Duck must be teachin' it.

>"Oh!" Max said. "Well Math isn't that bad!"
>"Yeah right!" PJ said. 

CHIP: Max has been to Mathmagic Land.

>                       "Hey Max you okay looks like you got something 
>on your mind."

DALE: [PJ] I'm glad we got the fiber-optic cable for our tin-can 
      telephone.

>"Huh Sorta." Max said.
>"What's on your mind is it Roxanne?" PJ asked.

CHIP: That's as far as we want to go, please.

>"Well yeah she's always on my mind remember I love her."

DALE: [Max] Can't you tell from the bored tone of my voice?

>"I know dude, but what is it looks like something's disturbing ya?"

CHIP: I get the felling Max has been disturbed for a loooooong time.

>"Just nervous about tomorrow I guess, but I'll cope with it."

MONTY: [Max] I'll relax by watching TELEVISION.

>"Just do your best bud...and keep the faith!" PJ said.
>"Uhh...did my dad talk to you about faith?" Max asked.

CHIP: [Max] He's on that weird conversion kick again.

>"Huh? No " PJ said.
>"Uhh...never mind." Max said. "Well I'd better let you get back to your 
>math happy studying Peej!" Max said.

DALE: [Max] Why don't you get your studying done before eleven at night?
CHIP: You're one to talk....

>"Yeah right, good night Max!"
>"Night!" Max said as he closed his window, and blinds. 

CHIP: Max was practicing for the part of Oedipus in the school
      play.

>                                                       He stripped down 
>to his briefs, 

ALL: [cringing] AAAAAA!!

>               and hoped into bed. 

CHIP: [growling] You're supposed to leave your "p" in the word, not in
      the pool!

>                                   Max turned off his lights, and sat 
>there thinking about tomorrow. He closed his eyes, and sleep fell over 
>him quickly.

DALE: He sleeps sitting up?

><Time Index: Thursday May 7th 6:00 A.M.>
>BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! 

MONTY: Someone must be dialin' the boredom-induced coma hotline.

>                        Max woke up suddenly, and smacked his alarm 
>off. He checked his alarm, and noticed it was 6:00. What a day it was 
>turning out to be. 

CHIP: And since he just woke up, that's quite an accomplishment.

>                   The sun was coming out. Max was so somnolent that, 

CHIP: Isn't odd that a word meaning "drowsy" and "sleepily" keeps
      cropping up in this fanfic? Hmmm.

>he placed his head under the pillow.
>"MAX! UP AND AT EM!" Goofy yelled from downstairs.

MONTY: [Goofy] Don't make me kick yer rear from here to Zaire, ahyuck!

>                                                   Max jumped up.
>"Man how did he always know?" Max said to himself.

CHIP: It's called a clock, moron.

>                                                   He hoped out of bed 

CHIP: That's it. If he's going to insist on hitting us over the head
      with the same misspelled word, I'm going to be petty. Zipper?
      You want to man the counter?

[ZIPPER buzzes an affirmative, then a loud *PING!* is heard as the
number "19" appears in the lower left-hand corner, and remains
as a digital counter.]

>scratching his head, and briskly got his clothes on. Max was quite 
>nervous today since he had to deliver his speech. "Man what if this 
>goes all wrong?" Max said to himself. 

DALE: [morosely] You'll be laughed at and ridiculed and scarred for 
      the rest of your life....

[CHIP and MONTY glance at him.]

DALE: Oh. Uh, not that I would know, personally, of course.
CHIP: [dubiously] Uh-huh....

>                                      His mind wandered around again, 

MONTY: Tryin' to find an escape from the moldy skull it was trapped
       in.

>but he shook his troubles out. 

CHIP: Always a good idea when you first wake up, in case any scorpions
      or spiders crawled in during the night.
DALE: Where? In Maxie's head?
MONTY: There's enough empty space, ain't there?

>                               Max grabbed his wallet, car keys, 
>backpack, and his speech, 

CHIP: But left his hearing and other senses behind.
MONTY: Not to mention his common sense.

>                          and went into the bathroom to freshen up. 

CHIP: Okay, maybe it's that Goofy's place doesn't even *have* a shower.

>Once that procedure completed, he went downstairs to eat breakfast.
>"Hiya Maxie...you okay son?" Goofy asked.

CHIP: You ever wonder what happened to Max's mother?
MONTY: I suppose that Maxie's mom is in the same place as Gadget's
       mom, mate.
DALE: [confused] Other fanfics?

>"Yeah...just nervous but keep the faith right pop?" Max asked.

CHIP: Keep it tightly locked away and never let it out, right.

>"That's right Maxie...ah-hyuck!" Goofy placed the milk and cereal on 
>the table. Max slowly ate his breakfast.

CHIP: It took every ounce of intellect he possessed.

>"So Max got your speech with ya?" Goofy asked.

CHIP: [Max] What? I left my hearing upstairs....
DALE: Oh, I see! Max is really Pete Townsend!

>"Got it right here dad!" Max showed his dad. Just then, the clock read 
>7:20.

CHIP: Max got up at six, and now it's over an hour later. Just how long
      does it take for him to "freshen up"?
DALE: Tammy Fae Baker spends less time in the bathroom than Max does.

>"I'd better go pick up Roxanne I'll see you later!" Max said, as he got 
>up from the table.
>"Bye Maxie good luck, and don't forget your lunch!" Goofy pointed again 
>to the counter where his lunch was. 

MONTY: Maxie lives a life of utter predicableness.

>                                    Max grabbed it, and walked to his 
>car. Max hoped in his car, 

*PING!* -- 20

>                           and drove to Roxanne's house. A yellow 
>school bus passed Max's house heading to the middle school, 

DALE: [bus driver] Darn. Missed.

>                                                            as Max 
>turned the corner to Roxanne's house. He pulled up in front of her 
>house. Max hoped out, 

*PING!* -- 21

>                      walked up to her door, and rang the bell. Max was 
>expecting her dad as usual.

CHIP: Max is just begging to be added to Freud's index.

>"Hi sir is Roxanne there?" Max asked. 

DALE: Why is Max talking to the door?
CHIP: No, I think that her dad answered the door, but we just weren't
      informed as to that fact.
MONTY: Must've ran out of room amid the vivid descriptions of
       fastenin' seat belts and strippin' down to briefs.
CHIP: Thank you, Monty, for ruining my appetite for the next four
      weeks.

>                                      Roxanne's dad did not grunt at 
>Max this time.

MONTY: He just merely beat Maxie to a pulp.

[Everyone cheers.]

>               A good sign.

MONTY: Too right!

>                            Just then, Roxanne came downstairs.
>"Hi Max!" Roxanne said.
>"Hi Roxy ready to go?" Max asked.

CHIP: Ready for another day of middle-class conformity and redundancy?

>"Mmm hmm." Roxanne nodded. She grabbed her books, and kissed her dad 
>good bye.
>"Bye daddy!" Roxanne said, and waved. Max opened the door for Roxanne. 
>They both hoped in, 

*PING!* -- 22

>                    and drove to the school.
>"Well Maxie today's the day!" Roxanne said.

DALE: [Roxanne] They're burning the principal at three in the parking 
      lot!

>"Yeah!" Max said.
>"You look nervous!" Roxanne said.
>"Nervous HA! I laugh at nervousness!" Max joked.

DALE: Ha. Hah ha. Heh. Ho.

>"Then why are you clenching the wheel so hard that your palms are 
>turning color!" Roxanne giggled a bit.

CHIP: It is impressive, all right, seeing as how Max wears gloves.

>"Oh heh." Max smiled sheepishly. They soon pulled up into the Haye's 
>High School parking lot, and parked the car. 

MONTY: A maverick act, being in a parkin' lot and all.

>                                             Max and Roxanne grab their 
>stuff, 

CHIP: [rubbing his temples] This fanfic is giving new meaning to the
      term, "tension headache".

>       and Max locked the car and they both headed to the main building 
>of the school. Just then Chad eyed the two, and sauntered up to them.
>"Well, well if it ain't the goof couple!" Chad said sarcastically.

DALE: [flatly] Boy, Chad, you sure burned them. Wow.

>"What do you want Chad here to antagonize us again?" Roxanne asked.

DALE: She talks like a kid from a cheesy, dubbed Japanese monster
      movie.

>"No I just wanted to wish Ol' Maxie here good luck, and he'll need it 
>because I'm gonna win no matter what!" Chad said.

MONTY: Chad needs a bit of humility, I think. Maybe if someone ripped
       out his esophagus.

>"Will just see about that Chad! Come on Roxy let's go!" Max said as 
>Roxanne, and him walked away.

DALE: [Max] Boy, I sure told him off, huh?

>"Humph!"
>BRRRINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
>Max and Roxanne fight their way through the usual crowd. To their first 
>period class, which was English class. `Ick English class oh well I 
>guess this is inevitable.' Max said to himself. When the bell rang, 

CHIP: The dogs salivated.
DALE: Max drooling -- thanks Chip, for that mental image.

>                                                                    Ms. 
>Bronte put the daily assignment up, and began her usual 10-minute 
>speech. The rest of his classes seem to go fast then usual. 

CHIP: So fast that we're starting to lose proper verb endings.

>                                                            About Forth 
>Period, Chemistry class. Max's heart began to pound faster. 

DALE: There's some real chemistry between Maxie and this class, huh? 
      Hah!

>                                                            He began to 
>get butterflies in his stomach. 

MONTY: When he gets moths placed in his mouth, then I'll be happy.

>                                Dr.. McGaffney showed his students what 
>would happen if you mixed hydrogen and helium together. 

CHIP: Which, incidentally, is nothing. Nothing at all. Helium is a
      Noble gas and does not react chemically with anything. We now
      return to our story.

>                                                        Meanwhile Max 
>was still thinking about the speeches not even paying attention to 
>class.

CHIP: [Dr. McGaffney] Now that the room is filled with this gas
      mixture, allow me to demonstrate the inherent combustibility of
      hydrogen by lighting this match....

>       `Man what if everyone laughs at me!' Max thought.
>KAAAAAAAABOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

DALE: It would forever be known as Dr. McGaffney's Flammable Folly.

>                             Max jumped, and the others followed 
>everyone was talking after that demonstration.

MONTY: It was all over the news and everythin'.

>                                               Finally an hour later, 

CHIP: The smoke cleared and wounded were transported to the Emergency
      Ward at Spoonerville Hospital.

>the bell rang. Max and Roxanne walk out together.

MONTY: On crutches.

>"The Election speeches will be held in the school auditorium in a few 
>minutes!" Stacey said over the PA system.

DALE: [Stacey] For those of you still alive, at least.

>"Come on Max let's get you over there!" Roxanne dragged Max to the 
>auditorium. 

CHIP: Considering his legs were mulched by the explosion.

>            He began to get butterflies in his stomach. 

MONTY: Monarch butterflies, I hope.

>                                                        Stacey 
>introduced the candidates for Student Body President, and handed it 
>over to Max. 

CHIP: Handed what over to him? The election?
MONTY: Not very good at riggin' the election secretly, is she?

>             The crowd cheered with joy, tons people chanted his name 
>out. 

MONTY: In a vast stream of colorful and graphic curses.

>     "Okay Max this is it keep the faith." Max said to himself.

DALE: And lost his lunch.

>"Good luck Maxie!" Roxanne said as she gave Max a kiss on the cheek.
>"Thanks Roxy!" Max smiled. Her kiss gave Max a boost of confidence.

MONTY: It wasn't very much, though, as she hadn't brushed her own
       teeth since 1983.

>"Ahem Hello my name is Max Goof, and I'm running for Student Body 
>President, if elected I will do my best to make lunch activities more 
>interesting, and Pep rallies too.

CHIP: Eat your heart out, Willie Stark.

>                                  If elected" Max went on with his 
>speech,

CHIP: [Max] I will renounce the Versailles Treaty, I will annex the 
      Sudatenland, I will blunder into a war with 80% of the world's 
      industrial strength and a global empire of one billion....

>        after that was done, the whole crowd cheered for Max. 

MONTY: Only because he was now preformin' the "knee test" on stage.

>                                                              He could 
>not help but break a grin.

DALE: *POW!*
CHIP: [Stacey] OW! [muffled] Wha' wuz tha' fo'?!

>"Maxie...you were excellent!" Roxanne hugged, and kissed Max, sending 
>him into a short daze.

MONTY: [Roxanne] You had them rollin' in the aisles!
CHIP: From sickness, I bet.

>"Heh...thanks...Roxanne!" Max said in a stupor.
>"Your welcome Maxie!" Roxanne said. PJ, Rose, and Bobby came sauntering 
>by to congratulate him.

CHIP: People saunter a lot in this fic, don't they?

>"Good job Max!" Rose said.
>"Yeah dude!" PJ and Bobby added.

DALE: Together? What, are they Doublemint Twins?

>"Thanks!" Max said. They all found a seat, and watched the rest of the 
>speeches.
>"Now here's our final candidate for President, Chad."

MONTY: Wait -- what happened to all the other candidates?
CHIP: I don't think there *are* any other candidates.

>"*Ahem* Students Max Goof is a big FAT LIAR!

CHIP: [Max] Not true! PJ's the fat one!
DALE: [PJ] Yeah! ...wait.

>                                             Do you want to elect 
>someone who had detention so many times that he would consider that 
>homeroom? 

CHIP: Chad sweated for weeks over that one sentence alone, I bet.

>          Alternatively, would you elect a person who tampered with 
>school papers? Vote for someone with an honest face.

CHIP: Wait; he never said what exactly Max lied about....

>                                                     That's me Chad!" 
>Chad said with a wide grin.

MONTY: *Now* you need to break a grin, Maxie!

>                            Max grew angrier by the minute,
>"I never did that!" Max said angrily.
>"I know..." Roxanne said and beamed an angry look at Chad.

DALE: [Scotty] Capt'n, I canna do it! She's out o' power!

>                                                           Everyone 
>booed Max, and cheered for Chad.

CHIP: The future population of Oceania, ladies and gentleman.
MONTY: Spoonerville has never been at war with Duckburg. Spoonerville
       has always been at war with St. Canard.

>                                 As Max got up, The rest of Max's 
>classes went by fast.

DALE: Whoa -- we hit a time oil slick or something, here.

>                      Max and Roxanne walk to the car, and hop in. Max 
>did not say anything during the commute to Roxanne's house.

CHIP: Aside from his standard helpful suggestions to those drivers who
      cut him off, which he shouted at the top of his lungs.

>"Max?" Roxanne asked.
>"Hmm?"
>"Wanna talk about it?" Roxanne asked.
>"What's there to talk about Sweetie, that jerk made me as worse as he 
>is!" Max said angrily.

DALE: Uh, so Chad assembled Max in shop class?
MONTY: It would explain why Maxie doesn't have a mother, anyway.

>"It helps if you talk about it!" Roxanne said.
>"I know, but I'm too upset!" Max said.

MONTY: At least they're managin' to keep the tone pleasant.

>"Well okay." Roxanne said. He finally pulled up in front of her house, 
>and walked her up to her door.

CHIP: Roxanne lives in the tough part of white suburbia, you see.

>"Well Max I'll call you later?" Roxanne asked.
>"Sure Roxy!" Max said. Roxanne came close to Max, 

MONTY: But his overwhelming B.O. drove her to her knees.

>                                                  and gave Max a long 
>hug to comfort him, and squeeze out his troubles.

DALE: [singing] And she squeezes his troubles from the middle of the
      tube!
CHIP: *There's* a reference few will get.

>"It's okay Maxie I still love you, and I'm here for you!"

CHIP: [Roxanne] Even if you are an ineffectual, weak-willed, pushover
      freak of nature.

>"Thanks Roxy I love you too...sweetie!" Max said as he affectionately 
>brushed his hand over her cheek.

MONTY: [Torgo] ThE I-TsY-bIT-sy sPi-DEr....

>"Heh..." Roxanne began to blush. She gave Max a kiss on the lips, and 
>waved to him. Max timidly waved back, and hoped into his car. 

*PING!* -- 23

>                                                              Roxanne 
>closed the door behind her, and Max drove back home. 

CHIP: Well, back to their private lives of quiet desperation.

>                                                     As soon as he 
>arrived back, Max got angry again. 

DALE: [Max] Dad blew up the house again!

>                                   He hoped out of his car, 

*PING!* -- 24

>                                                            and walked 
>up to his door, and opened it saying nothing.

DALE: [Max] Nothing.
MONTY: Actually, I can see that happenin'.

>"Hi Max how was school?" Goofy asked.
>"Appalling!" Max said.

MONTY: [Goofy] Sucks to be you, then. Ahyuck!

>"What happened?"
>"Look Dad I Rather not TALK about IT OKAY?!" Max said angrily.

CHIP: [Max] I'd much rather watch TELEVISION.
DALE: [Max] Because I LIKE IT VERY MUCH.

>"Now Maxie there's no reason to get angry at me!" Goofy said.

MONTY: [Max] Considerin' the genes you gave me, there's plenty
       of reasons!

>"Oh jeez I'm sorry dad, it's just that Chad makes me so angry!" Max 
>said frimly.
>"What did he do?"

DALE: [singing] He did the hustle!

>"He accused me of tampering with school papers, and called me a liar!"
>"Aww...Petey did the same thing happened to me when I was your age."

CHIP: Thank you for all coming out, but I'm afraid we just can't use
      all of you words in one sentence, or it would sound
      embarrassingly nonsensical.
MONTY: And, actually, Goofy told us earlier that Pete tampered with
       his school records, not accuse Goofy of doing so.
DALE: Weird; you'd think with all the repeating at least the
      continuity would be safe.

>"What did you do?"

DALE: [singing] I did the Watusi!

>"Wahyll, when Pete admitted it to me little did he know that the 
>microphone was on backstage, and everyone heard him so he got in 
>trouble, and I won fair and square." 

CHIP: You have to give the author credit; he chose a series in which
      even the chinchiest deus ex machina is expected and employed.
      And anyone want to bet on how this story ends?
DALE: No chance, Chipper.

>                                     Goofy said. "Just relax Max, and 
>get your mind off it!"
>"Sure pop!" Max said. "I'll be upstairs studying!"
>"Okay son!" Goofy said. 

CHIP: [Max] Can we stop shouting now?!

>                        Max walked upstairs, and into his room. He 
>opened his Chemistry book, and began doing some of his homework. 

MONTY: I gotta admit, Maxie may lead the dullest life ever, but at 
       least he's got proper study habits licked.

>                                                                 It was 
>better to think about schoolwork rather then the elections. 

CHIP: Here's a wild thought; if he thought about the elections more,
      he might have actually had an easier time of it!

>                                                            Just as he 
>was about to do the next problem, Max heard the cable ring. 

DALE: [Max] I thought my cable box had an unlisted number....

>                                                            He got up, 
>and went to the window.

DALE: Oh, I get it; he's watching for the She-Creature.

>"Yo Max!"
>"Hey Peej!" Max said. "What's up?"

MONTY: [PJ] Not your popularity ratin', that's for sure. Man, you were
       disgraced and shamed up there.

>"Not much congratulations today Max!" PJ said.

CHIP: In this case, the improper punctuation actually makes the sentence
      more accurate.

>"Thanks." Max said not so happily.
>"Man I'm gonna belt that Chad for ya!" PJ said.

MONTY: [PJ] Just as soon as I can find a belt that fits me.

>"I rather not talk about that ya know?" Max said.
>"Sure dude, remember I'm behind ya!"

CHIP: Yeah, it's a good idea to stay upwind of Never-Shower Max.

>"Thanks but I'm too upset ya know can we discuss it later?"
>"Yeah I know whatcha mean I'll see ya later Max!" PJ said.
>"Sure Peej!" Max said, as he waved to PJ. He closed his window, and 
>resumed working on his homework.

CHIP: Hoping in vain that the punctuation shipment would arrive soon.

>"MAX!" Goofy yelled from downstairs.
>"YEAH?"
>"DINNER'S READY!"
>"OKAY POP!" Max yelled. He closed his book, and went downstairs to 
>dinner. He sat down with his dad, and began eating. They kept eating 
>in virtual silence.

DALE: Their dinner parties must be fun.

>                    Once he was done, Max sat back with a full stomach.

CHIP: The story scrambles for an example of a logical plot and comes up
      with this scrap.
MONTY: Too little too late.

>"So Maxie didja get all your homework done?"
>"Yeah...I'm glad!"
>"What's wrong with homework?" Goofy asked.

DALE: [Max] You have to work on it at home!

>"It's boring!" Max said.
>"Naw..." Goofy disagreed. 

CHIP: Man, Socrates would've been hard-pressed in a debate with Goofy.

>                          Max got up, and went into the living room to 
>watch television. 

CHIP: That should read: "...to watch ER on TELEVISION."

>                  Later that night, Goofy joined Max in the living 
>room. 

DALE: The stress had Max coming apart at the seams. Hah! Get it?
CHIP: Yes.
DALE: You're not laughing.
CHIP: Again, yes.

>      Goofy sat down in his chair, and read a book, while Max was 
>watching television. 

MONTY: Maxie is just the social butterfly of Spoonerville, ain't he?

>                     It was a brand new episode of The Early show with 
>Johnny Letterwright. Powerline was his guest. He played his new hit 
>song, Probably the best song since Stand Out when the show finished it 
>was already 10:30.

DALE: Powerline's last big hit was called "Stand Out when the show
      finished it was already 10:30"?
CHIP: Uh, no.

>"Tired Maxie boy?" Goofy asked.
>"Yeah I'm gonna hit the sack good night dad." Max said.
>"Good night son!" Goofy said. 

DALE: Dialogue second only to any Ed Wood film.
MONTY: And maybe Coleman Francis.
CHIP: Ooo, tough call, yeah.

>                              Max trudged into the bathroom, 

DALE: [Max] I'm just gonna flush myself down the toilet and end it
      all!

>                                                             and 
>brushed his teeth. 

CHIP: Oh my God! He remembered *without* his father reminding him!
DALE: Stop the presses!

>                   Once that finished, Max went into this room, 

MONTY: What room?

>                                                                and 
>closed the door. He went over to the window, and closed the shades. Max 
>stripped down to his briefs, 

[Everyone retches.]

>                             set his alarm, and hoped into bed. 

*PING!* -- 25

>                                                                Max 
>used the remote control lights, 

[Much snickering.]

DALE: Great -- he's in "The Jetsons".

>                                and sat in the dark thinking about the 
>school elections,

CHIP: Nononono Max -- by not thinking about the elections and denying
      your problems you can be a healthy and productive member of
      society!

>                  Max was getting droopy-eyed, and fell asleep 
>instantaneously.
>
><Time Index: Friday May 8th 6:50 A.M.>

MONTY: You gotta admit this fanfic does give a good sense of the
       passage of time.
CHIP: It does feel like I've been reading it for a week, yes.

>BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Max woke up suddenly, and smacked his alarm clock 
>off. 

CHIP: That clock should really report in Max for abuse.

>     He checked his clock, and noticed it was 6:50 A.M. He hoped out of 
>bed, 

*PING!* -- 26

>     and quickly got his clothes on. Max grabbed his wallet, backpack, 
>and went into the bathroom to freshen up.

CHIP: This kid needs to see "Body Care and Grooming" desperately.

>Once that finished, he went downstairs to eat breakfast.
>"Morning son!" Goofy said.
>"Morning pop." Max said as he sat down at the table. 

DALE: [Tom Servo] Well this certainly is pleasant....

>                                                     A bowl, milk, and 
>cereal was waiting for Max on the table. He poured a heaping bowl of 
>cereal for himself, and began eating quickly.

DALE: He's a dog; "woofing" down his food--
CHIP: You used that joke already.
DALE: Oh. Nuts.

>"Boy you must be hungry today ah-hyuck!" Goofy said. Max smiled and 
>continued to eat.

MONTY: [Max] Don't talk to me.

>"Well I'd better go pick up Roxanne see you after school dad!" Max 
>said.
>"Okay son...good luck today!" Goofy said. "Don't forget your lunch." 
>Max grabbed his lunch, and waved as he walked to his car. Max hoped in, 

*PING!* -- 27

>and drove to Roxanne's house. When he arrived, Max got out, and walked 
>up to her door. Expecting her dad as usual, but luckily, Roxanne 
>answered it.

CHIP: Now there's a plot line that never went anywhere: Max and
      Roxanne's dad.
DALE & MONTY: Good!

>"Hi Roxy ready to go?" Max asked.
>"Hi Maxie!" Roxanne leaned over, and gave Max a quick peck on the lips. 

MONTY: [Roxanne] Ugh; you smell like William S. Burroughs!

>"Yeah" Roxanne grabbed her books, and said goodbye to her dad. Max and 
>Roxanne walk to the car together. They hoped in simultaneously, 

*PING!* -- 28

>                                                                and 
>fastened their belts simultaneously. They drove away from Roxanne's 
>house, and headed to Haye's High School. They pulled up into the school 
>parking lot, and parked the car. 

CHIP: This has all the markings of a David Lynch film, except that
      there's nothing going on under the veneer exterior... so I
      guess it really *doesn't* have any markings of a David Lynch
      film....

>                                 Max and Roxanne held hands, as they 
>walk towards the front entrance to the school.

CHIP: No group?
DALE: No Chad?
MONTY: Geez, the story is fallin' apart!

>BRRRRINNNNGGG! The first period bell. Everyone rushed to get to his or 
>her classes early. 

MONTY: Then they shouda left *before* the bell, but we digress.

>                   Max and Roxanne fought the usual crowd, as they 
>headed to their class. Unexpectedly, Max's classes zipped by even 
>faster, 

CHIP: In a desperate attempt to build towards the climax of the story.

>        and it was the decisive moment the day where they elect the new 
>officers for ASB.

DALE: So what? You know only sixteen students are going to wind up
      voting, anyway.

>"All candidates report to the auditorium." Stacey said over the PA 
>system. Max and Roxanne walk to the auditorium.

DALE: [Max and Roxanne] We will obey you, magical and all-knowing
      disembodied voice that lives in the school.
CHIP: Hey, Roxanne's not a candidate!

>"Ladies and gentlemen I would like to introduce the candidates for ASB 
>president." Stacey said.

DALE: To an empty auditorium.

>"Our first candidate is Max Goof!"
>"BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!...GET OFF THE STAGE LOSER!" Someone in the 
>crowd said. 

CHIP: The ironic part is that it was his dad.

>            Stacey continued to introduce the candidates.

DALE: There are others?

>"Heh...goof looks like no one's gonna vote for you now...loser!" 
>Chad said. 

MONTY: Uh, Chad, nobody was gonna vote for him regardless, so it's
       no big deal.

>           "Ha! Those suckers fell for it they thought you did it, 
>I actually did that ha they're all suckers!"

CHIP: [Chad] Of course, yelling this out while in front of the whole
      school isn't exactly a master stroke of genius, either, so who
      am I to judge?

>Chad did not know that PJ, and Bobby planted a small microphone on 
>his shirt.. 

CHIP: Even though we, the readers, who were not told either, all knew
      a loooooong time ago that this was going to happen.
DALE: Why is Chad ripping off *Pete's* old scams anyway? Unless
      PJ's not his real son.
MONTY: You'd think Chad would have ripped off a scam that worked,
       too, but then again, enemies that are dumber than you make
       winnin' a lot easier.
CHIP: Well, that's the fun political message of the story; only run
      in races in which the standards are so low that you win by
      default.

>            Everyone in the crowd heard what Chad said, and gasped.
>"Now our final candidate is Chad!"
>"BOOOOOOOOO!!...GET OFF THE STAGE!" Someone in the crowd said. Just
>then, Principal Mazur came up to Chad.

DALE: [someone in the crowd] BOOOOOOOOO!!...GET OFF THE STAGE!

>"You're coming with me Chad!" Principal Mazur said as he pulled his
>ear.

MONTY: Why is he tuggin' at his own ear?
CHIP: Must be signaling to his mother that the show's over.
DALE: Good. I can leave then.

[DALE starts to rise, but is shoved back by MONTY.]

>"Now the moment you all been waiting for." Stacey announced.

DALE: [someone in the crowd] BOOOOOOOOO!!...GET OFF THE STAGE!

>                                                             She 
>announced the Secretary, Vice President, and Treasurer.

CHIP: But enough about them.

>"Now the President of this years Student body President is 
>Max Goof!" Stacey said. Everyone in the crowd cheered loudly. 

DALE: Chip, was anyone else besides Max and Chad actually *running*
      for president?
CHIP: Nope. Makes it a lot easier to win, doesn't it?
MONTY: I just wanna state this is the first time I've seen the
       results of a vote called *before* *any* ballots were cast.
ALL: Fix! Fix!

>Roxanne had a wide grin on her face.

MONTY: But, disturbingly, not her own.
DALE: Hers is still in the shop from when Maxie broke it.

>"MAX!!!...Sweetie you did it!" Roxanne said.

DALE: [someone in the crowd] BOOOOOOOOO!!...GET OFF THE STAGE!

>"I did it? I DID IT!

MONTY: [Max] Dang me all to heck!

>                     YAHHOOOOO!

DALE: Will own everything you put up on your webpages and never have
      to pay you a dime ever even though you still own the copyrights.
CHIP: Well, they changed their TOS since....

>                                " Max cheered. PJ and Bobby were 
>in the back high fouring. Max lifted Roxanne in the air, 

MONTY: [Max] (grunt) Geez, you've really been puttin' on the tonnage,
       haven't you?

>                                                         and 
>followed by hugging her. She could not help but laugh, and kiss 
>him back.

CHIP: Seeing as how she was born with no free will.

>BRRRRRIINNNGGG! Roxanne and Max walk to their class, waving to 
>Stacey, Bobby, Rose, and PJ. Everyone came up to Max, to 
>congratulate him. 

DALE: [student] Sorry about egging your car yesterday, but we're 
      pretty gullible.
MONTY: [student] Sorry about tar and featherin' you, but we're
       easily fooled.
CHIP: [student] Baaaa! Baaaaaaa! Bleat! Bleat! Baaaaaa!

>                  His fifth, and sixth period classes went by 
>fast. They both hoped into Max's car, 

*PING!* -- 29

>                                      and drove away. He 
>approached her house, and walked Roxanne up to her door.

DALE: [Max] I'll protect you from the overwhelming dangers of
      freshly-cut grass and vanilla ice cream, dear.

>"Well Maxie you did it I'm so proud of you!" Roxanne said.
>"Thanks!" Max said. "Um...do you wanna do something with me Roxy?"

[Everyone backs up while making time out signs.]

CHIP: Whoawhoawhoa! I don't think the Sensor Ship is fully recovered,
      yet!

>"Sure I'd love to Maxie!" Roxanne said. "I love you so much!"
>"I do too Roxy...my fair maiden!" Max said.

MONTY: [Max] "Fair" as in "average", of course.

>"Heh..." Roxanne came close to Max, and they both shared a kiss.

CHIP: [Roxanne] (gags) Uh, look, about your hygiene....

>"Well I'll see you tonight Roxy!" Max said.
>"Okay!" Roxanne said as she waved to Max. Max hoped into his car, 

*PING!* -- 30

>and drove back home. He hoped out of his car, 

*PING!* -- 31

>                                              and went inside the 
>house.
>"Well pop your looking at the new Student Body President!" Max 
>said proudly.

DALE: [Goofy] It likes like a pogo stick with anorexia, ahyuck!

>"Congratulations Maxie ah-hyuck see what a little faith can do?" Goofy
>said.

DALE: [someone in the crowd] BOOOOOOOOO!!...GET OFF THE STAGE!

>"Yeah your right pop." Max said. "Oh by the way Roxanne,

MONTY: [Goofy] Mah name's Goofy, ya inbred brat. Ahyuck!

>                                                         and I are 
>going to go on a date tonight is that okay?"

MONTY: [Goofy] No!
CHIP: [Goofy] We have to watch ER tonight!
DALE: [Goofy] On TELEVISION!

>"Sure Maxie." Goofy said. Later that night, Max drove to her house to 
>pick her up. He walked up to her door, and rang the bell.
>"Hi Maxie!" Roxanne said.

CHIP: [Max] Where's your dad?

>"Hi Roxy ready to go?" Max asked.
>"Mmm hmm. " Roxanne nodded. 

ALL: Sayyyyyy....

>                            Max and Roxanne hoped in, 

*PING!* -- 32

>                                                      and drove off 
>into the sunset on their way to their date. 

CHIP: Unable to see from the sun in his eyes, Maxie failed to notice 
      the red light, though....
DALE: [Impish Officer of Death] Did you know forty percent of all
      accidents--

>                                            Max was extremely proud of 
>himself. 

MONTY: He had remembered to brush and floss.

>         His dad was right, a little faith in you could go along way. 

CHIP: Having morons for classmates went even further.

>You just have to trust in yourself, and everything will be all right. 

CHIP: As long as you keep slipping Thorazine into the school's water 
      supply.

>Max cannot wait to fulfill his new duties as Student Body President.

DALE: Yeah, those tough campaign promises of making lunch more
      interesting and pep rallies more fun.
CHIP: Ha -- you know he's not going to keep any of them, and just
      hang around the water fountains, trying to pick up women.
MONTY: Then at least he can say he really has presidential qualities.

[They exit the Chamber.]

[Door sequence is run in reverse.]

[Living Room]

[CHIP is hunched over the table, sobbing pitifully. DALE and MONTY
flank him, each just shaking his head.]

MONTY: Well, I knew politics could be borin', but this made a
       Crossin' the Bridge ceremony from Boy Scouts look like a
       presidential impeachment.
CHIP: [sobbing] Thirty-two times....
DALE: I'm still trying to figure out who else was running in this
      race. I mean, it looked like it was just Chad and Max.
MONTY: Yeah. I bet that "None of the Above" option on the ballots was
       voted in by default.
CHIP: [sobbing] Thirty-two times....
DALE: You think Max's life will change at all with his new
      responsibilities?
MONTY: Yeah, right. He'll get up, refuse to shower, shovel down his
       breakfast, have his dad show him where his lunch is, "hope"
       into his car, pick up Roxy--
DALE: [interjecting] But expect her dad.
MONTY: Oh, yeah, point. Anyways, they'll go to school, exchange
       mindless greetings with "the group", fight the crowd, sit
       through borin' classes, endure Chad's daily empty threat
       session -- probably about the upcomin' dance or track meet
       or bake sale or whatever -- then Max will drive Roxy home,
       they'll get all mushy and stupid--
DALE: [snorting] More than normal.
MONTY: Right. Maxie'll head home, do his homework, THEN he'll write up 
       whatever lies and underhanded deals he needs to stay in power,
       and then it's downstairs for another Zen dinner, watch some
       TELEVISION, he'll...
MONTY & DALE: [ominously] _Brush and Floss_...
MONTY: Then he'll do the 90% Monty--

[DALE laughs.]

MONTY: Shut up. Like I said, after scaring the fungus growing in his
       pig sty of a room with his pitch black flesh -- all that dirt
       saved up since birth -- he'll go to bed.
DALE: [chortling] And then repeat 'till death, huh?
MONTY: Too right.
CHIP: [sobbing] Thirty-two times....
DALE: Chip, will you just get over it?
MONTY: Easy, boyo; Chipper was hurt by this one.
CHIP: [finally gaining control] Thirty-two times... the word "hoped"
      was used thirty-two times in this story and not *once* was it
      used correctly!
DALE: Sheesh. I guess we really can't rag too much on that "pelagic"
      goof anymore, huh?
MONTY: Nah, just the Presidential Goof.
CHIP: [puzzled] Clinton was in this story?

[The Gals bulb flashes.]

MONTY: Well, ladies, whattaya think?

[Workshop]

[GADGET and FOXGLOVE make a face of distaste.]

GADGET: I don't think I could get into politics.
FOXGLOVE: Me neither. [she grins coyly at the camera] Although Dale
          would be the perfect choice for my running mate.
GADGET: Really? Golly, I thought Dale hated jogging.
FOXGLOVE: [nodding] Yep! He'll have to stay put with me. Easier to
          snuggle with him.
GADGET: [confused] Is it good campaign strategy for a candidate to
        snuggle with their running mate?
FOXGLOVE: [cheerfully] Always shake a voter's hand, always kiss a 
          supporter's baby, and always snuggle your aides.
          Especially if they're cute.

[GADGET thinks on the wisdom of that while FOXGLOVE reaches over and
presses the button.]

-- FWOOSH! --

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and [c] copyright 199X by Best Brains, Inc. All
rights reserved. Chip, Dale, Monterey Jack, Gadget, Zipper, and
Foxglove are owned by Disney. The original story is [c] by 
Max_Goof. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for 
entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original 
copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. or anyone 
else is intended or should be inferred. This is not, in any 
way, shape, or form, a personal attack on Max_Goof. This is 
not, in any way, shape, or form, a personal attack on Max_Goof.
This is not, in any way, shape, or form, a personal attack on 
Max_Goof. Thanks to John Nowak for continuing to check these
things for content and basic grammar.
Send any comments and questions to MattBat@ix.netcom.com
This MiSTing is [c] copyright 1999 by Matt Plotecher.
Copy & Paste. They're cops. This fall on NBC.

>Just as they were talking back and forth, Max approached Roxanne's 
>house. He stopped in front of her house, and stopped the car.