[JOEL stands in the SOL deck, a dead, gloomy expression on his face as he holds a phone to his ear. A male VOICE, obviously the guy on the other side of the phone, is talking:] VOICE: Friendship? Love? Will the flowers from your mourning friends make your grave warmer? JOEL: Isn't this the Negativity Hotline? VOICE: Yes. Your point? JOEL: Uh...actually, I was hoping for some help in making some friends feel better about life. VOICE: Oh. You want the Anti-Negativity hotline. We're here to depress people who are feeling too happy. JOEL: Uh-huh. [Realization] Hey, is that you, Nowak? [FANFIC SIGN. Pandemonium. J&TB enter the theater] TOM: I can't believe there's more to this. >The next morning, Monterey Jack came in to find Gadget snuggled next to Chip >on top of the covers of his bed. JOEL: Compromising? Nah. > He smiled; they really did make a wonderful >couple. Too bad Dale didn't realize it. CROW: [Monty] Mate, Chip an' Gadget make a better couple than you an' Gadget. Can't you see that? TOM: [Chip] Selfish bastard. > He quietly went to the small window >and pulled the curtains back to let in the early morning sunshine. Gadget >stretched and yawned. TOM: There's an awful lot of yawning in this story, isn't there? JOEL: You're surprised? TOM: No, just saying... > She turned and jumped, startled at Monty's presence. CROW: [Gadget] Hi, Monty (tee-hee)! Nothing compromising, no, no... >"Monty!" she whispered, careful not to wake Chip. TOM: If she's whispering, why the exclamation point? > "I didn't expect you so >early." CROW: [Gadget] I was just, uh, sleeping on top of Chip. JOEL: She was on top of the covers. CROW: Excuse me for trying to insert some drama. > She pulled herself gingerly off of the bed. She joined him on the >other side of the room, the farthest they could get from Chip. TOM: Who was getting ripe. > "How's Dale >doing?" Monty gave a slight shake of his head. "I'm not sure, luv. He >actually came out of his room for a while TOM: [Monty] When I set the fire. > and ate some of my cheese >flapjacks. CROW: [Gadget] Attempted suicide, did he? > He may be comin' out of his funk. Slowly, but comin' out of it." TOM: 'Slowly.' That's the word that describes the story. >Gadget still looked a bit depressed. "Don't worry, Gadget. He'll be right as >rain once he sees how happy you two are together. [Stunned silence] JOEL: What the.... TOM: You know, Monterey has said some stupid things in his life, but.... > This has been coming for a >long time, and nobody's realized it 'till now." CROW: Except for half the people who watched the show. > He gave Gadget a hug. "I'm >proud of you, you know?" TOM: For what? Gadget's done less in this story than in Episode 1 of 'To the Rescue!' JOEL: Didn't she first show up in Episode 3? TOM: Exactly! >Gadget smiled against the bigger mouse's chest. She squeezed him gently. >"Thanks, Monterey. You always did know the right thing to say." CROW: [Gadget] Like that comment about how happy Dale will be to see how happy Chip and I are together. I'm going to have to make sure I kiss Chip right in front of Dale, so he can see how happy we are. >Monty smiled, remembering his promise to Gewgaw, Gadget's father. TOM: Geegaw, actually, but we'll let that pass. > He would >always take care of Gadget, just as a father would. JOEL: One of those fathers on the lam for failure to pay child support. > He wrapped his massive >arms around her. "I just do what I can, luv." TOM: [Gadget] And thanks for trying. >At that moment, Chip roused from his deep sleep. "Monty?" His voice was weak >and cracked from the early morning hour. "Gadget?" > >They went over to him. "Mornin', Chipper. Glad to see you awake!" exclaimed >Monterey. JOEL: [Monty] And in such pain. >"How do you feel today?" asked Gadget. JOEL: [Chip] I couldn't breath all night...like there was some weight on my chest... >Chip stretched slightly, his unused muscles in his arms and legs tightening. >"O-k, I guess. Considering I've just had two surgeries in the matter of days, >I assume that I'm doing pretty good." He gave them a vague smile, then turned >serious. "How are things back home?" CROW: [Monty] Dale hates you. >Monty fidgeted and Gadget looked flustered. "Well, Dale's taking it hard, as >you knew. But, we think that he'll be ok in a few days. It'll just take him a >while to get used to the fact that . . . well, you know." Gadget blushed in >the presence of Monterey Jack. Thankfully, Chip understood. TOM: He ain't a detective for nothing, you know. >"Well, maybe I can go home today and everything will get back to normal." > >"Yes, I believe you can." They turned to see Dr. O'Connor enter the room with >a clipboard. "All your tests seem to be all right. JOEL: [Dr. O'Connor] The other students are ticked that you blew the grade curve. > It appears that you can >fully recuperate in the comfort of your own home." CROW: Well, consider the source. >It was all Chip could do to keep from cheering. He was tired of being cooped >up in such a tiny room, and the antiseptic smells were making him a little >nauseous. TOM: Not even counting the piles of used bedpans in the corner. > Gadget took his hand and gave it a loving squeeze. The doctor told >them about all the checking out technicalities and said that they would send >a wheelchair right away so that they could leave as soon as possible. Monty >gave a wide Aussie grin JOEL: "Aussie grin"? > and left to go fill out the paper work with Dr. >O'Connor. CROW: [Monty] What's this bit about 'The Hospital disavows all work by Doctor O'Connor?' > This left Chip and Gadget alone again. JOEL: Dale's off sulking, still, and Zipper is stealing the show, as usual. >"So, how did you sleep last night?" asked Chip. He remembered waking up once >at about three in the morning and feeling Gadget's warm body against his. It >was the single most comforting feeling that he had ever experienced. JOEL: Wouldn't waking up with a woman in your bed be more exciting than comforting? >Gadget reddened at his comment. "Well, uh, I slept pretty good, thank you. >And you?" TOM: Well, Gadget. Slept well. >Chip smiled broadly. "Great. I slept great." He stretched again. "However, I >can't wait 'till I can sleep in my own bed in my own house." JOEL: [Chip] With you, but I guess that goes without saying. > He sighed >contentedly. "And I can't wait 'till I can get some time alone with you." CROW: Say no more, wink-wink. >This time, Gadget didn't blush. Instead, she leaned forward, kissed him, and >looked him straight in the eyes. "Me, too." TOM: [Gadget] I can't wait until I'm alone with me too. >"Well, we're home, Chip me lad," exclaimed Monterey, helping him out of the >Ranger plane. JOEL: Well, that was a fast flight. TOM: Can't be NorthWest, then. > He gently carried him inside to the couch. Chip settled back, >still in pain, but incredibly happy to be home- and to be able to wear his >old familiar bomber jacket again. CROW: Joel, do you think anyone will ever write a Rescue Ranger fanfic where all the characters move under their own power for the whole story? JOEL: No. >Gadget sat down, staying very close to him. "Well, sorry we don't have a >welcome home party, but-" TOM: [Gadget] You're not welcome here. > Gadget broke off, looking up as Dale suddenly >appeared in the doorway. [TOM whistles the 'Fistful of Dollars' trill.] >Dale took a step forward and stopped. "Chip, can, uh, I talk to you for a >minute?" CROW: [Chip] NO! NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO MORE DIALOG! >Chip looked around at the others. "Uh, sure. Yeah. Well, could you guys- " TOM: Do you suppose there's a chance that Dale will reveal he's in love with Chip? JOEL: No, that would be unexpected. >Gadget took the hint and led Monterey Jack out of the room. "We'll give you >guys some privacy." Zipper buzzed away behind them. CROW: Who said that? >Dale slowly sat down beside Chip on the couch. TOM: Slowly. > The two chipmunks didn't look >at each other for a few minutes. Chip was TOM: Slowly. > embarrassed. He TOM: Slowly. > felt as if he had >double-crossed his best friend instead of merely following his heart. Then, >Dale began speaking. TOM: Slowly. >"I've been thinking TOM: Slowly. > about this, Chip." Chip winced at the serious tone in >Dale's voice. It wasn't often that one heard it, but when you did, you >listened. JOEL: Dale is really E.F. Hutton, I guess. > "I've finally come to the conclusion that I simply can't stay here >with you and Gadget being together." JOEL: [Chip] Okay. Bye! CROW: [Monty] G'bye! TOM: [Gadget] Don't slam the door! CROW: [Zipper] Bzz bzz Bzzzt! >Chip's mouth dropped as he finally turned to look at Dale. "What do you think >you're doing?" he yelled. CROW: Uh, leaving? > Dale looked at him, startled. "Dale, you're my best >friend. TOM: Except for Gadget. > There shouldn't be anything to come between us; not even Gadget. O-k? >Look, you're the only family that I've got. You can't run out on me now. >Besides, where would you go?" CROW: I think they handled this a lot better in "The Creeping Terror." >Dale shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know. But, I don't want to be here when >I'm not wanted." He turned away from Chip again. TOM: So much for Monterey's "He'll be happy when he sees how happy you are without him" theory. >Chip punched Dale weakly in the arm. CROW: Dale punched Chip strongly in the face. > "You must be crazy. You know that I love >Gadget! You also know that I love you. Dale, you'll always be wanted. JOEL: [Chip] This is no statute of limitations for your crime. > If not >by anyone else, you'll be wanted by me. You- you're like my brother, Dale! >And brothers don't run out on their brother." CROW: Sure they do. >Dale had looked as if he was going to agree with Chip, but at this statement, >his face turned stony. "But they can betray them right?" TOM: All the time. >Chip slapped his forehead. JOEL: Dale's, I hope. > "Dale, you just don't understand, do you? CROW: Oh, that's a first. > I didn't >mean to make you mad. But I couldn't ignore my feelings- not for you, not for >anybody. I know that you wouldn't hesitate telling the one person that you >truly love that you love them!" > >Dale squirmed uncomfortably. "Well . . ." TOM: [Dale] That is a major subplot in about three quarters of the stories about us, actually. >"Are you starting to comprehend?" Chip was trying his best to be patient. CROW: But wasn't he trying to get out of the hospital so he wouldn't be a patient? >Dale shrugged again. JOEL: Yes, Dale really is stupid. >Chip patted him on the arm. "Please, just think about it for a while. And >don't even THINK about leaving." CROW: Think about it, but don't think about it. Chip's been taking lessons from O'Connor. > He finally smiled. "We'd have to track you >down, TOM: [Chip] And kill you. You know too much. > and I don't think that the doctor would be too happy with me if I had >to run out and search for you in the Ranger plane." JOEL: Of course, if he were in the plane, he wouldn't be running. >Dale tried not to smile, but it was useless. He just couldn't be somber for >too long! TOM: I think he's just not smart enough. >Chip just grinned at his teammate. "Thanks, pal." > >"For what?" asked Dale. CROW: [Chip] Reminding me of my superiority. >"Just for helping me see what's important to me!" He leaned over and gave >Dale a feeble hug. "I love you, you know?" > >Dale laughed. "I know. I love you too, bro." JOEL: I love you, Crow! TOM: I love you, Joel! CROW: I love you, Tom! JOEL: I love you, Tom! TOM: I love you, Crow! CROW: I love you, Joel! [sobbing] JOEL: Well...it's heartwarming. >From the doorway, Monty and Gadget smiled silently, unbeknownst to the two >embracing chipmunks. TOM: Ah, the peeping motif from "Dark Savior." > Monterey gave her the thumbs up sign. Gadget beamed. CROW: Back to the Enterprise, her work on this backward planet completed. > It >was good to see the two being friends again. Now, maybe things would get back >to normal. TOM: You mean, something might happen? CROW: There's only 1700 words left; don't get your hopes up. >The next day, Monterey Jack woke Gadget up early. "The boys ain't up yet, and >I need your help." CROW: Geeze, Monty spends more time in Gadget's room than Gadget. >Gadget nodded sleepily. "What are you thinking of?" > >"I'll explain later. Get ready and we'll get to work." TOM: [Gadget] Thanks, Monty. First you wake me up, then you won't tell me why. You're the housemate everyone dreams of. >Gadget quickly got dressed and brushed out her long hair. She joined Monty >and Zipper, who were sitting on their knees in the living room. JOEL: "Sitting on their knees?" TOM: I'm guessing a weird spell check error. > "So, what's >up?" Monty turned CROW: First he wakes her up, then he refuses to tell her why, and now he asks her what's up? > from his position on the floor. "We're making a banner for >Chip and Dale. It's kinda a 'welcome home' and a 'we're glad you're friends >again' present." TOM: [Gadget] Uh, are we? >"Great! What can I do to help?" JOEL: See? Gadget now knows why Monty woke her up. Conflicts are being resolved, the plot's - TOM: Stuff it, Joel! >Monty and Zipper looked uneasily at each other. "Well, Gadget luv, we were >hopin' that you could help us hang it up." He motioned to the banner. "It's >almost done, you see." TOM: And for this, you wake up a woman who hasn't slept well for a week. CROW: Monterey has had better days. >Gadget's face fell, but soon brightened. "Sure, Monty. Hey, can I wake the >guys up when we're ready?" TOM: [Gadget] It's about time I got to wake someone up, right? >Monty shrugged. "I guess so. Oh, I've got some cheese oatmeal for you, if you >want. I know the boys don't like it." > >"Oh, uh, no, uh, that's really o-k, Monty. But thanks, anyway." Gadget edged >off to turn on the TV. The early morning news was on. "Oops, I don't think >that Chip will want to see this-" CROW: [Gadget] They're showing the swimsuit special-- >"See what?" JOEL: Bonkers? >Gadget whirled around to see a groggy Chip leaning on the doorframe. "Chip!" >she scolded. "What are you doing out of bed? You shouldn't be running >around." CROW: [Chip] I guess you better escort me back to bed, heh heh... >Chip smiled weakly and made his way slowly TOM: Slowly! > into the living room, finding a >comfortable seat on the couch. "Hey, don't worry about me. And don't worry >about me watching the news." He gave a chuckle. "I can compare how everyone >holds up without us." TOM: [Stan Blather] Crime has dropped to an unseasonable low. "The rodents have stopped getting in our way," Sergeant Spinelli was heard to comment-- >Gadget made her way over to him. "Do you usually get up this early?" > >Chip shrugged. "Yeah, sometimes. CROW: Wait. My parser just locked up. I heard them say, "Do you usually get up this early?" -- "Yeah, sometimes." TOM: Mine too. JOEL: No, they actually said that. [Pause] CROW: Why, Joel? Why did they say that? JOEL: I... don't know. > Usually it's because I go run some laps >around the park. This morning, I think it's just because I didn't sleep very >good last night, that's all." > >Gadget's face took on a concerned expression. "Are you all right?" TOM: I think that was the best "Chip, how do you feel?" scene yet. JOEL: I thought it lacked conviction. CROW: Someone should be convicted for writing this. >Chip nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Too tired to sleep, I think." TOM: [Dubiously] Uh-huh. >"Well, Chip, you almost ruined my surprise for you and Dale!" JOEL: [Dale] You have a twin sister with loose morals who likes chipmunks? CROW: Well, she likes older men, anyway.... >"Huh?" > >Monty held up a corner of the banner. "This is for you and Dale." Gadget ran >over to help him, and Zipper lifted the middle of the huge sign. Together, >they hung it up with tacks. It read: Welcome Home and Congratulations! TOM: Yes, I can see why they had to wake up Gadget, the resident mechanical genius, in order to hang the banner. Yes indeed. >"'Congratulations' for what, Monty?" Chip was puzzled. CROW: Surviving a plot-free story? >"For becomin' friends again, pally!" He grinned, his mustache quivering. TOM: Uh... did Monty just snap and is about to go postal or something? >"We've been worrying about you two." JOEL: Crow, remember the story you were writing earlier? CROW: Yes? JOEL: Can I read it? >"Wow, you guys. This is really special." Chip tried to stand up, but just >couldn't gather the strength. He just eased back into the cushions >nonchalantly, trying to act like he didn't feel any pain. Unfortunately, >Monty perceived the discomfort. > >"Are you all right, Chipper?" CROW: I think this "Chip, how are you?" scene is much better than the last one. TOM: Yeah, I agree. JOEL: It's hard to choose -- they're all so good! >Chip tried to smile, but his mouth wouldn't form the expression very >realistically. "I- I'm sure I'll be o-k, Monty. It's just a slight case of >fatigue, that's all." Gadget sat down next to him and began to rub his back. TOM: Wait. He eases back into the cushions, and then Gadget sits next to him, and she rubs his back? I mean, isn't the couch in the way? >"Perhaps you'd better go back to bed, Chip. You shouldn't be up, anyway," she >admonished. JOEL: [Chip] Geeze, Gadget -- I turn you on like nobody's business... >Chip looked slightly ashamed. "I guess you're right, Gadget, but . . . well, >I just- I'm just tired of staying in bed all the time. I want to get up and >walk around, run my laps, look for new cases. I'm just, bored, I guess." TOM: [Gadget] Hmm...you're bored with staying in bed. If only I could think of something that would make being in bed more interesting for you... >She nodded. "I know. But you have to rest so that you can get better, 'cause >if you don't, then you'll never be able to get out of bed. I mean, you won't >get better, and you won't get to go out and look for cases and-" JOEL: Do you think that was Gadget-babble, or just typical dialog for the story? >"O-k, Gadget, that's enough." Chip laughed. "I get the point." He shakily >stood up. "I guess I will go back to bed." He winked at Monty. TOM: Wow -- Chip's making the rounds. > "Doctor's >orders, and all that." > >Gadget slowly ALL: SLOWLY! > helped Chip back to his room. Dale was still snoring loudly on >the top bunk. She carefully eased him down onto the soft mattress. Chip gave >her a pained smile. > >"Are you sure you're all right?" CROW: LET ME KILL HIM! LET ME KILL HIM SO PEOPLE WILL STOP ASKING HOW HE IS! TOM: Tch! >Chip shook his head yes. "Yeah, I'll be fine. You're right; I guess I do need >to rest for a while longer, huh?" JOEL: That could be why everyone's been saying that. Over and over. >Gadget smiled sweetly. "Uh-huh. Now, you just lay back and relax." She gently >pushed him down and covered him with his blanket. "I'll bring you some >breakfast." Gadget sighed. "Will cereal do? Monty made cheese oatmeal." CROW: Joel, why do they let Monterey cook if they don't like his food? JOEL: Because bad food is funnier than good food. >Dale groaned in his sleep. Chip laughed. "Anything but cheese oatmeal." He >paused as they glanced at the top bunk. "And I think that Dale will agree >with me." TOM: [Chip] Because I'll beat him senseless if he doesn't. >Gadget grinned. "Sure thing. I'll bring you a bowl in a minute." She sailed >out of the room. Chip lay back and chuckled. Maybe there was something to >this invalid business after all. CROW: Having hot chicks at his "beckon call," for example. >When Gadget entered the room next, Dale was up and stretching. "Good morning, >Dale!" she said, cheerfully. > >"G' mornin'," he mumbled, still half asleep. "What's in the bowl?" CROW: Is it a bedpan? JOEL: Oh, hush. >Gadget glanced down. "It's Chip's breakfast." TOM: Well, Crow might be right; it could be Chip's previous breakfast-- > She looked over at him in his >bunk. "Sleeping again, I see." Sure enough, Chip was fast asleep. The doctors >had told them that he would sleep a lot in the next few days while his body >tried to heal itself. CROW: Trying to repair all of Dr. O'Connor's "oopsies." > She smiled, not even realizing she was. JOEL: Unconsciousness turns her on. > Dale caught her >dreamy look and his cheeks brightened. She snapped back to reality and tried >to apologize. "Look, Dale, this thing between me and Chip-" > >Dale just shook his head. TOM: [Dale] I finally realized seeing you and Chip eating face makes me feel real good about myself. > "Hey, I'm sorry about how I acted. It was really >stupid of me." JOEL: Now that line really sums up the total of Dale's existence. >"Dale, I just want you to know that I don't care for you less than Chip. >Just- well, I don't know. It's not the same. You know?" TOM: [Gadget] Chip gets me hot. >Dale reluctantly nodded. "I know. I'm sorry, Gadget." Suddenly, he perked up. >"Hey, what is for breakfast?" > >Gadget's face fell. "You won't be very happy." CROW: [Dale] I'm used to it. JOEL: [Dale] I was in "Under the Bridge", ya know. >"Cheese oatmeal again, huh?" > >"Yeah." > >"Cereal for me, too, then." He stumbled sleepily out of the room. Gadget just >shook her head and crouched next to Chip's bed. TOM: "Oh poor Chip," she then said. JOEL: "Are you okay or dead?" CROW: "Oh, for you my heart bled!" >"Chip?" she whispered. No response. "Chip?" she said, a little louder this >time. Still nothing. Then, a soft snore. She giggled. She didn't know that >Chip snored. JOEL: She's done practically nothing in the entire story but watch Chip sleep and she hasn't noticed he snores. Right. > She carefully stroked his cheek, feeling the softness of his fur >beneath her fingertips. The dreamy look returned. Her imagination wandered, >unbidden. What was in the future for them together? CROW: Better stories, I hope. > Would this thing >progress? TOM: Would this scene ever end? > She knew that she had loved Chip for sometime (even though she had >refused to admit it to herself and to others), and that he loved her equally. >Chip sighed quietly, breaking her thoughts. His eyelids fluttered, but didn't >open entirely. She checked his pulse, almost as an afterthought, but found >nothing unusual- merely an affect of the anesthesia still in his system. She >returned to her daydreaming. Marriage? Kids? JOEL: Soundproofed playroom? > Who knew what could happen? In >her own little world, Gadget began weaving fantasies of her new life with >Chip. CROW: All of which were more interesting than the story. >"Gadget?" > >Gadget bolted upright, jerked out of her sleep. She had fallen asleep on the >floor next to Chip's bed. JOEL: Say, she never laid down. That means she fell asleep crouching next to a bed and hit the floor without waking up. > Almost hitting her head on the night stand, she >pulled herself into a sitting position and yawned. "What time is it?" > >Chip himself yawned before answering. [JOEL yawns] [CROW yawns] [TOM yawns] [MAGIC VOICE yawns] [A RUSSIAN DOG in a passing biosatellite yawns] > "I think that it's time for lunch. I >smell cheese." TOM: Since Monty makes cheese for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, how can you tell? > They laughed together. Chip brushed a small ball of dust out >of Gadget's hair. "I think that I need to sweep in here." > >Gadget sneezed to reiterate his point. "Yeah, I think that you're right." She >began swiping at the dust that lightly covered her purple coveralls. "Dale >will never do it." JOEL: See -- more drama! Will Dale sweep? Will Chip sweep? >"Gadget? Chipper? I've got lunch ready," called Monty. > >Gadget stood all the way up and sighed. "Are you hungry? I can bring you >something," she offered. > >Chip shrugged. "Not particularly, but I probably need to eat something." He >motioned to the soggy cereal on the nightstand. They laughed again. TOM: The characters just came alive for me. I can understand why a bowl of soggy cereal would be amusing to them. >"Well, stay awake, this time!" she chided playfully. She left the room and >came back with two steaming bowls of cheese chowder. "I think that Monty's >overly happy about me fixing that pressure cooker. I swear, if I have anymore >cheese chowder after this bowl, I think I'll be sick." JOEL: One bowl is all it takes, all right. > She handed a bowl to >Chip and kept the other for herself. They sipped the hot cheesy goo silently >for a few minutes, savoring the richness of the cheese and the importance of >each other's company. Gadget looked up from her bowl and gazed at Chip. He >returned her gaze after realizing that she was staring at him. He smiled >questioningly. CROW: Just two hundred eighty seven more words to avoid having something happen. >"What?" he asked. > >Gadget's face turned a brilliant shade of crimson. "Oh, uh, I was just-" She >broke off, knowing that she just couldn't lie to the one she loved. "I was >just looking at you." She blushed yet another shade at the surprise in his >eyes. Chip reached out and took her hand with his free one. "Gadget, I'm >still reeling from the fact that you love me. I'm sorry if I don't seem like >I understand, but I want you to know that I've done the same thing to you, >time and time again." Gadget turned away. "Gadget? What's wrong?" TOM: [Gadget] I just realized you disgust me. CROW: One hundred eighty five. >"It's just that I never really recognized your, AH, advances." CROW: Joel, can I pretend that Gadget is talking about Chip's private parts? JOEL: No. TOM: I second the motion. CROW: [grumbling] Stupid democracy.... > Then she >corrected herself. "Or more correctly, TOM: [mailman] If I don't get this certain box to a certain place at a certain time, we're talking certain disaster. JOEL: [Baloo] You certain? TOM: [mailman] Certainly, > I never took advantage of them." She >turned back to Chip. "Actually, I did see them; not clearly at first, JOEL: [Gadget] I hadn't cleaned my contacts for two years. > but >then I soon got the message. CROW: [Gadget, backtracked] I... buried... Paul.... > I held back- I didn't want to hurt Dale's >feelings." She gave Chip a small smile. "And now that the Dale episode is >over, I guess we can get on with our relationship." TOM: [Gadget] And forget about that loser. CROW: One hundred eight. >Chip's face was positively glowing at this torrent of words. The lady he had >loved and pined over for so long was finally realizing his love for her- and >her own love for him. He gently squeezed her hand. She squeezed back and >simply stared into his eyes. Although she didn't believe in the telling of >fortunes (even after the incident with Cassandra, the fortune-telling gypsy >moth), CROW: She'd have to be pretty dumb not to after that episode. > she knew that she could see their future and fortunes together in >Chip's dark brown eyes. TOM: Or was it just an eye booger? > They leaned toward each other and shared a single, >breathtaking kiss. A new adventure into the most uncharted of territories had >just begun. CROW: I'm guessing that would be Gadget's private parts. >The End [ALL applaud] >All characters featured in this work are the property of Disney. No copyright >laws were meant to be violated. JOEL: But I did it anyway. > Any semblance to any other work (fan fiction >or otherwise) about the Rescue Rangers is purely coincidental. TOM: They usually have plots, after all. >Build Your Free Home PageVisit other great pages on:FamilyFamily [Door sequence runs in reverse. On the bridge, J&TB stand around, anxious with anticipation.] MAGIC VOICE: At the sound of the tone the time will be 10:23 and 15 seconds. TOM: [Excited] I can't wait-- CROW: Hush! Shh! [A heartbeat later, a tone sounds. The guys cavort happily and cheer. The MADs' light begins flashing.] MAGIC VOICE: At the sound of the tone the time will be 10:23 and 30 seconds. [GIZMONICS: DOCTOR FORRESTER's face fills most of the screen as he stares at us in dumbfounded disbelief. FRANK is visible in the background, jaw slack] DR.F: What are you doing? [SOL] JOEL: Oh, hi, Doctor F. After reading that story, it just feels so good to be alive that even trivial, foolish things are a source of endless amusement! CROW: Hey guys! I'll get some model paint, so we can watch it dry! You want enamel or acrylic? TOM: Oh, enamel, definitely. Because it dries more... ALL: SLOWLY! [Laughter ensues.] MAGIC VOICE: At the sound of the tone the time will be 10:24 precisely. [J&TBs hush one another. At the tone, another celebration explodes. GYPSY appears, stage left, pushing a cart with squares of Astroturf piled up.] GYPSY: I'm sorry, guys, I couldn't find any grass. Will this fake stuff do? JOEL: Well, the idea was to watch it grow. TOM: Hey, maybe watching Astroturf not grow would be even more fun! [GIZMONICS] DR.F: What have I done? [SOL] [GYPSY addresses the camera while J&TB stare at the Astroturf and giggle.] GYPSY: Offhand, I'd say that you gave Joel a welcome respite from information overload. A cure for overstimulation and boredom. An ineffable story which, like Nirvana, can only be defined in negatives. No plot. No action. No clever dialog. No serious grammar errors. I think Joel, Tom, and Crow are well on their way to eliminating all desire for the illusions of this world. Three Buddhas will soon emerge from these chrysalises. [GIZMONICS] FRANK: We just have to send them another story. DR.F: No, Frank, there's no way we can get them back into the theater. [SOL] [GYPSY watches through the next exchange] TOM: Check it out! It's curling a little in the air flow. JOEL: Gypsy, could you maybe find us a talking clock that only updates once a minute? Every fifteen seconds is a little too exciting. [GIZMONICS] [FRANK and FORRESTOR look on with frustration. JOHN enters from the side, holding a coffee mug and munching on a Rice Krispie Treat. He looks at the camera.] JOHN: What's with them? FRANK: The experiment didn't wor-- [FORRESTOR stomps on FRANK'S foot forcefully.] FRANK: OW! DR. F: What Frank meant to say is that they're just a tad too "at one with the world" right now. All I have to do is just pop them back into a state of cat-like nervous fear and paranoia. JOHN: Oh, that reminds me. [he holds up the coffee mug, revealing that the bottom has been eaten through.] We're out of coffee. [FORRESTOR does a take.] DR. F: John, you're a genius! JOHN: Your point? DR. F: [ignoring JOHN] Frank! Get another batch of coffee ready! By the time next week rolls around, it'll make a perfect spice for their food supply.... [He cackles madly as he and FRANK head off.] DR. F: [O.S.] Oh, and as long as you're there, John, be useful and push the button, hmm? JOHN: [sighing] Marvin was so right. "Ten billion logic functions, maybe more..." ---FWOOSH!--- JOHN: [V.O.] "...they make me pick the paper off the floor." Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and [c] copyright 199X by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Chip, Dale, Monterey Jack, Gadget, and Zipper are owned by Disney. "Caretaker" and all original characters from it are [c] copyrighted by Rachel S. Helvey. John Nowak is [c] copyrighted by himself, as if you couldn't guess. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. or anyone else is intended or should be inferred. This post is not, in any way, shape, or form, a personal attack on Rachel Helvey, who also offered this one up to be MiSTed ("Hmm... a trend is developing...."). This MiSTing is [c] copyright 1998-1999 by John Nowak and Matt Plotecher. >"Oh, don't worry," said Dr. O'Connor, breezily. "We don't let Nurse Mitchell >do anything big. We just let him handle small jobs.