[JOEL and the bots enter the theater.] >The next morning, Dale was still awake. Chip had not stirred; the oxygen mask >was still in place. JOEL: The oxygen tank itself was gone, but.... > His fever had not changed; at least it was not higher. >Dale jumped as Gadget walked in. She gave Dale a once over- he looked >haggard, pale. TOM: Instead of grinning and bouncing happily, like most friends of intensive care patients. > It was obvious that he had been crying. She was glad that she >had asked Monterey to talk to him later, after Dale had gotten some sleep. > CROW: Now was not the time to hit him up for this month's rent. >"How is he?" she asked. CROW: [Dale] He's really, really dead. > >Dale shook his head. TOM: [Dale] Not tellin'. > "The doctor said that he may have to go in again and >stitch him back up. He doesn't know if it will work very well. JOEL: [Dale] Come to think of it, the doc doesn't know much of anything. > They were >going to wait until ten o'clock this morning to do it." > TOM: [Dale] After the game, of course. >Gadget nodded. "Meanwhile, you'd better go home and get some sleep. Monty is >waiting out in the plane to take you home." CROW: Monty runs a chauffeur service on the side? > >Dale hesitated before walking out of the door. CROW: [Dale] How do these things work, again? > "Uh, take care of him, Gadget. CROW: [leering] I'm *sure* she *will*.... [Risque laughter.] >He doesn't look too good." JOEL: Most people don't in an oxygen mask. > Gadget gave him a heartfelt hug. > >"Don't worry, Dale. He's in good hands here." TOM: With Allstate. > She gave him a gentle push. JOEL: Down the stairs. >"Now go. Monty'll fix you some breakfast. I'll see you later." > >She stood in the doorway and watched him go. As he turned the corner, she >turned back to Chip. TOM: Heh heh, she's got a little surprise for him under those overalls.... > "Oh, Chip," she breathed. CROW: I do believe you're right, Tommy. > It was frightening to see him >with the oxygen mask. CROW: So she removed it. What harm could it do? > He looked very small in the bed. TOM: Never tell any male that, Gadget. Please. > She sat down in the >chair next to him and took his hand in hers. It was apparent from his body >temperature that he was still running a fever. JOEL: Actually, they just put his bed over the furnace heater. CROW: Checking his body temperature to see if he has a fever?! BRILLIANT! > She noticed a wet cloth on the >table next to her. She put it on his forehead. JOEL: Uh, that was used to clean up Chip's bouts with incontinence, Gadget.... > As she did, she noticed the >burn. It wasn't looking too good, either. CROW: Do they ever? JOEL: And wouldn't it be under bandages, maybe? > In fact, it looked as if it were >getting infected. TOM: In fact, it looked like something exciting might happen, so she had to stop it! > Suddenly, Chip began coughing. After a few minutes, he >quieted down, but looked much worse. His breathing was undeniably laborious. JOEL: [Chip] Luke... help me take... this mask off.... >She turned as the doctor appeared in the doorway. ALL: HUZZAH! > >"Dr. O'Connor? His burn looks infected." > >Dr. O'Connor came over to Chip and inspected the burn. "You know, you're >right!" He hurried to the doorway. "Will someone page Nurse Mitchell?" [Everyone snickers uncontrollably.] > He >turned to Gadget, exasperated. "Nurse Mitchell is the one who is supposed to >be watching the burn and making sure that it's not infected. TOM: He probably fell asleep in front of Cummings' house again. > Someone is >responsible for letting this happen, and I'm almost sure it's him." JOEL: [Dr. O'Connor] Unless it's not, of course. > Five >minutes later, a slightly built male chipmunk entered the room. TOM: Oh. I guess it's not our Mitchell. CROW: Rats. JOEL: No, a chipmunk. > >"Did you page me, Dr. O'Connor?" The chipmunk seemed agitated and nervous. JOEL: He needed a potty break. > >"I most certainly did. Weren't you the one assigned to take care of this >burn?" He motioned to Chip and his chest. > >Nurse Mitchell blushed. ALL: MITCHELL! > "Well, I, uh . . ." > CROW: Hey, now he's MacBadger from Disney's version of "Wind in the Willows". >"Well nothing. Fetch me some medication and some sponges. We're going to have >to correct your mistakes again." ALL: Again??? CROW: Geez, these is the MIR of hospitals. > Nurse Mitchell ducked his head and hurried >away to carry out the orders. > >"Does this happen often?" asked Gadget. TOM: [Dr. O'Connor] Yes; he follows orders all the time. > >Dr. O'Connor shook his head sadly. "Only, it seems, with Nurse Mitchell. He >just can't seem to follow instructions. JOEL: That are written in Japanese. > He's . . . well, a bit >scatterbrained, if I say so myself. JOEL: People who live in glass houses, doctor.... > Unfortunately, we're always short on help >and just can't afford to tell him to leave." TOM: Yeah, much better to risk your patients health, all right. JOEL: Couldn't they just shunt him to the filing room or something? > The doctor looked sadly at Chip. >"We're sorry this had to happen." > CROW: [Chip] What? I'm unconscious -- having trouble hearing you. >"That's alright," she said shakily. TOM: [Gadget] What's a little fatal complication between friends? > "As long as it can be fixed, it's o-k. >It's the big problems that worry me." > CROW: [Gadget] Like doctors who don't know their elbows from their-- >"Oh, don't worry," said Dr. O'Connor, breezily. JOEL: I have a strong hunch this guy breezes a lot of things off. > "We don't let Nurse Mitchell >do anything big. We just let him handle small jobs. TOM: [Dr. O'Connor] We think very little of your friend here. > Nothing like surgery or >setting broken bones. CROW: [Dr. O'Connor] He's good at breaking them, though. > Just little clean up jobs and such. JOEL: [Dr. O'Connor] Mopping up the blood.... CROW: [Dr. O'Connor] Monitoring potentially lethal infections... > Things that we can >watch after and correct easily." TOM: Which explains how this one developed into a problem. > By this time, Nurse Mitchell came back into >the room with a wooden bowl and some sponges. TOM: [Mitchell] Okay, who has the soup, and who ordered the seafood sampler? > >"Do we need some water or anything?" CROW: Chip's giving birth?! > Gadget was eager to help. She didn't >just want to stand and watch. TOM: Sure; grab a scalpel and join in. > >Dr. O'Connor looked pleased. "Well, we could sure use some if you could get >it. JOEL: Water is awfully hard to find these days, yeah. > Thank you. TOM: [Merlin] You're welcome! > Just go out the door and turn right. Ask the mouse with the >gray hair. CROW: It's a hospital; there's only about fifty of them out there. > She'll get it for you." He turned and began swabbing Chip's chest >with a sponge. TOM: [Gadget] Wouldn't it help if you soaked it in the medication first, doctor? CROW: [Dr. O'Connor] Hmmm? Oh, yeah -- heh heh, boy I tell you, I just haven't been the same after my seventeenth stroke. > Gadget hurried out of the room. Sure enough, a fat gray mouse >with her hair in a bun was standing at a makeshift desk. JOEL: [mouse] Let's see, only eighty-five death certificates to fill out since lunch? Slow day. > >"Uh, could I get some water in a bowl or something? It's for Dr. O'Connor." > JOEL: [Gadget] He's thirsty. >The big mouse smiled. "Sure, dearie." She turned and ran some water in a >thimble and handed it to Gadget. Gadget thanked her and fairly ran back to >the room. The doctor smiled in appreciation. TOM: [Dr. O'Connor] I like babes who jump when I call. > >Gadget looked down at Chip, who was breathing steadily, if not easily. "Dr. >O'Connor, are you going to have to do more surgery on Chip?" > CROW: [Dr. O'Connor] Practice makes perfect, right? >The doctor didn't look up from applying the medication. "Well, it's beginning >to look that way. I think that infection may have set up around the stitches >also. TOM: [Dr. O'Connor] Besides, I'm really starting to enjoy our time together. JOEL: [Gadget] Thanks! TOM: [Dr. O'Connor] I was talking about Chip. > That would be the cause for his fever. I don't think that it'll be as >easy this time, though." JOEL: [Dr. O'Connor] Unless it is. > >"Go on." > >"It was hard enough on Chip for the first surgery. I'm hoping that another >one won't put him into shock, TOM: From boredom. > or even a coma. TOM: From boredom. > Anesthesia does strange things >to one's mind while they're under the effects. CROW: That explains the vast majority of fanfics we've been forced to read. > I'm hoping that won't happen. JOEL: Then the doctor shouldn't be breathing anesthesia before surgery. CROW: Or at all. >But there's always a possibility." He finished his job and turned to Gadget. >"I need to go check on another patient. TOM: [Dr. O'Connor] He should be dead by now. > Will you excuse me? I'll be back >around ten to begin the surgery. I'll see you then." JOEL: [Dr. O'Connor] You're the patient, right? > >Gadget sank back into the chair and watched as the doctor, CROW: Or whatever he really was. > followed by Nurse >Mitchell, left the room. She sighed, and took Chip's hand again. TOM: [singing] I hold your hand in mine, dear.... > As she did, >she remembered her words about Chip's stubbornness. Again, she hoped that >they were true. CROW: [Bud] Come on, live, damn it, live! You never gave up on anything in your life!! TOM: But if he's dead already, doesn't that exclude him from trying? > >About three minutes after ten, the doctor and three nurses CROW: Three is the magical number here, isn't it? TOM: Given Chip's medical recovery slump, it's probably Julie Bihn, Candy Courtnier, and Paltiel Goldstien. > (Nurse Mitchell >not being one of them) CROW: See, they're developing into characters you can know and love. None of them are named 'Mitchell.' > entered the room. Gadget smiled weakly at them, kissed >Chip on the cheek, whispered an "I love you" and left the room. CROW: No one's really quite sure why she whispered it to one of the nurses. > She paused in >the doorway and gave Chip a small smile. A nurse grinned encouragingly at >her, TOM: Fangs glistening in the light-- > and then closed the door. Gadget felt very alone. She wandered up and >down halls, casually looking around. JOEL: Window shopping for a new boyfriend. > She walked for about two hours, then >walked back to Chip's room. The door was still closed. A small sign hung on >the door handle- TOM: "Room for rent." CROW: "Chipmunk meat in fridge." > "surgery in progress- do not disturb." TOM: Do most surgeries happen in the patient's hospital bed? JOEL: Sure. Why not? > Gadget wiped a tear >from the corner of her eye and realized that she was starving. CROW: You know, when you start to get hungry from thinking of your friend in surgery.... > She had >declined Monterey's cheese ala cheese for breakfast, JOEL: "Cheese as cheese"? What? TOM: Well, it does sound like something Monty would cook. > but now didn't know what >to do for lunch. TOM: She could try eating. JOEL: Don't hospitals usually have cafeterias? CROW: And listed phone numbers? JOEL: And ambulances? CROW: And surgical theaters? TOM: Okay, okay... > She ambled out of the door and headed home. > >Back at the tree, Monterey Jack was cooking up some cheese souffle. CROW: Monterey was the epitome of denial by now. > He put >the finishing touches of grated cheese on it, then set out three plates, one >of them a bit smaller than the others for Zipper. JOEL: I've really liked Rachel's portrayal of Zipper in this so far.... TOM: So... Monty only set out three plates for the four of them? > Suddenly, he heard the door >open. CROW: And that's about as sudden as the action is going to get. > "Gadget? Is that you?" JOEL: Avon calling! CROW: [Nicholson] Heeere's...Gadget! > >"Yes. I just came home for lunch. Chip is in surgery." Gadget made her way >into the kitchen. "Is Dale asleep?" > >Monterey Jack nodded. "Did you say that Chip was in surgery?" JOEL: Time to clean out your ears, Monty. > >Gadget sighed. "Yeah. They're sewing the stitches back that came loose in >flight and checking for infection. CROW: [Gadget] Then they said something about rotating his tires and changing the oil. Monty, do you think they're *really* professional doctors? > They think that is what's causing the >fever." JOEL: That, or the heat. > >"Well, strike me starkers. JOEL: I rather not strike Monterey naked, thanks. CROW: Why? He doesn't wear pants in the first place. > Me poor little lad!" Monterey handed some forks to >Gadget, TOM: [Monty] Here; comb out those knots in your hair. > who set them on the table. "I'd better go rouse up Dale. You just >wait here." He left her for a moment. Zipper flew over to her and hugged her. CROW: [Zipper] I understand you're single now.... > >"Thanks, Zipper." She hugged him back. "I needed that." > >Dale quietly walked to the table. JOEL: [Dale, blandly] Cheese, again? > Gadget could see that he hadn't slept well- >if he had slept at all. "Hey, Gadget." TOM: [Dale] No, I'm Dale; you're Gadget. CROW: At least we know Gadget is a true blonde. > >"Hey, Dale. Chip is in surgery." > TOM: Gadget just can't get enough of saying that, can she? >"I know. Monty told me." He spoke in a flat monotone. CROW: Ah. Practicing his Steven Wright impression. > Gadget decided not to >press more conversation. Monterey, however, did not know how to take a hint. JOEL: [Monterey] By ignoring the problem, it will go away, yes? > >"Well, I'm sure he'll pull through just fine. Right, Zipper?" > >Zipper TOM: Snorted. > squeaked a cheery affirmative. Dale just sat and stared at the souffle >that Monty put on his plate. CROW: It was moving. > "Eat up, Dale!" exclaimed Monty. "I used the >best cheese I could find this morning. JOEL: Great -- lunch came courtesy of the dumpster behind the supermarket. > I believe it'll be pretty good, if I >say so meself." CROW: Yeah, well, your standards aren't something people shoot for unless they're aiming to kill. > >"I'm not too hungry, Monty." From the way he pushed it away, Gadget could >tell that he probably had done the same at breakfast. TOM: What? She's the Jane Goodall of chipmunks? > She decided to give it >a go. CROW: The souffle? > >"Come on, Dale. You need to keep up your strength if you're going to be there >for Chip tomorrow." He just stared. JOEL: [Dale] You are completely in outer space, aren't you? > Gadget looked at Monterey and shrugged. JOEL: [Gadget] Well, that was all the effort I care to give. >He shook his head; the message was clear. TOM: [Monterey] I don't understand. > Dale would eat in his own time. >Eventually, Dale got up from the table and sat in front of the TV. TOM: Man, it's starting to turn into one of the trips to your Aunt Ruth's house. > Flipping >on the TV, the others saw that the news was on. CROW: Oh good. Something cheerful and fun to pick their spirits up. > >"This is Stan Blather. Today in the news, TOM: [Stan Blather] Chip died in surgery. > a robbery and arson suspect was >just apprehended. Officer Muldoon, of our city's fine police squad, CROW: Who are so incredibly fine that two chipmunks, two mice, and a fly wind up solving ninety percent of their major cases. > is here >to tell about the exciting case. Officer?" JOEL: [Muldoon] Stan? > >Gadget watched as the familiar officer told of the harrowing capture and near >escape. JOEL: I can just barely stand the excitement of it all, yeah. > She watched on in fascination as they showed a clip of the burned >warehouse. "Golly," she said. TOM: [Gadget] That looks like fun! > "I wonder what else we've missed in the world >of crime fighting." CROW: The fashion show. > >"I'll bet that we could have stopped that fire," said Dale. TOM: [Dale] It would be hard to use the extinguishers, but still. > "Chip will be >awfully disappointed that we couldn't have taken that case." TOM: Along with your readers. CROW: [Dale] We need to be spanked. > Abruptly, he >started crying. "I don't want Chip to die!" he wailed. JOEL: Ah, there we go; that shipment of angst finally arrived. > >Gadget ran to him. "Chip won't die, Dale! TOM: [Gadget] Only over his dead body! > That's just your craziness talking. CROW: Blame it on Dale's mental illness, Gadget. Smooth. >We won't let him die. O-k?" TOM: [Gadget] We'll sacrifice nine black puppies to Hecate... >Dale seemed to calm down a bit after Gadget hugged him. His crying slowed to >hiccups, and finally stopped. TOM: Because his breathing stopped, but oh well. > "O-k, I'm better now." He wiped his eyes with >the back of a hand. TOM: [Monty] What a fem. > >"Do you want to go back with me and see if the doctor has finished with the >operation?" JOEL: [Gadget] They might have leftovers. > >Dale shook his head. "I guess you and Monty are right; I'd better stay here >and get some food and rest. Actually, I'm really hungry." > >Gadget smiled. "Of course you are. JOEL: Poor sap.... > Well, I'm going to head back down there. I >think I'll take the Ranger plane, if you don't mind." CROW: The Rangers have time-share on the vehicles now? > She headed out the >door. > >Another hour later, Dr. O'Connor emerged. TOM: What's he doing at the Ranger Headquarters? > He looked dead tired, JOEL: Tired of looking at his dead patients.... > as did his >nurses. CROW: They were the ones who had to haul the corpses to the trash compacter. > "There was a lot of bleeding this time," he told Gadget. "That took >us a while to stop. TOM: [Dr. O'Connor] The heart just kept on beating and beating-- > And then there was the infection . . . that doesn't even >count the stitches." CROW: [Dr. O'Connor] Man, this stuff is a lot harder than that mail-order PhD place told me it would be! > He paused and shook his head. "Did he do much tossing >and turning while he was asleep?" CROW: Could you specify a time frame, please? > >Gadget tried to remember. "I think that he did one night. He was having a >nightmare of some kind-" > TOM: [Chip, drowsily] Punishment -- marriage -- Julie Bihn.... >"I thought so." Dr. O'Connor sighed. "It was a mess. Fortunately for Chip, I >believe we fixed all the problems. [Everyone snorts.] CROW: I'd feel more confident if the operation was preformed by Dr. Demento. > You can see him now, if you wish." He JOEL: Held up a moist ziplock bag-- >motioned toward the now open door. Gadget nodded shakily and stepped inside. JOEL: It smelled really, really bad. > >"Oh, my poor Chip," she murmured. He was still wearing that horrible oxygen >mask. CROW: It was from the Darth Vader line of medical wear. > Gadget stroked his face softly. She turned to where the doctor was >still standing. "When will he come out from under the sedatives?" TOM: You know guys, it's disturbing when you realize that this fanfic has had more drug use than "Pulp Fiction". > >The doctor thought for a moment. CROW: Smoke filled the room. > "In about an hour or two. If he's not awake >in three hours, come and get me. That will signify a problem." JOEL: [Gadget] You're completely winging this, aren't you? > He gave Gadget >a quick smile TOM: [Dr. O'Connor] Damn straight! > and walked away. Gadget sat down in the chair once more. > >An hour and a half later, CROW: Nothing happened. > Chip stirred. Blinking his eyes open, he saw Gadget >with the washcloth. TOM: It was momentarily confusing, as the lingering dream had Gadget with a whip. > "Gadget?" > >She smiled softly. "Hey. How're you feeling?" CROW: [Chip] Like crap. > >He shifted, then thought better of it. "I'm not sure. I'm kinda numb." JOEL: Ah, he's suffering from a boredom overdose. CROW: [sighing] I think it's contagious. > >She nodded. "The doctor came by a few minutes ago and said that you probably >would be for a while. Just stay still." TOM: I doubt he was about to leap up and dance the lambada, Gadget. > >"Where is everybody else?" > JOEL: [Gadget] Getting the wake ready. >"At home. Dale stayed all night, TOM: At home? > and he's getting some sleep. Monty is going >to stay with you tonight. CROW: [Chip] Well, aren't I Mr. Popular? > We're all making sure that you're being well taken >care of." She took his hands in hers and blushed. Chip smiled weakly. TOM: [Chip] God, she's acting like my mother.... CROW: Because in this hospital, they can't trust the staff. > >"So, I'm going to be all right?" TOM: [Gadget] Yep; once they saw you in half and throw your left side away. > >Gadget nodded. "Of course. You just had a close call." Gadget then went on to >explain what had happened. JOEL: [Gadget] You had a close call. > She smiled. "We all knew you would pull through." JOEL: [Gadget] Despite what Dr. O'Connor kept saying. > >Chip was silent for a moment. "So, Dale stayed all night?" CROW: Tomorrow he'll work on the "sit" command. > >"Yeah. He was really worried about you." > >"Have you told him?" > TOM: That he was really worried about Chip? What? >Gadget blushed again. "Well, no. But I think that Monty is going to explain >it when we're not there. He thinks that he'll be mad, but that he'll get over >it." TOM: Monty and Dale? JOEL: Dale and Dr. O'Connor? CROW: Dr. O'Connor and Mitchell? > >"That's Dale, alright. Slow to thought, quick to temper. JOEL: [Chip] Why I picked such a lame excuse for a best friend I'll never know! > Inside, though, >he'll realize that it's the right thing." TOM: To blow up and spout off? > Chip squeezed her hands. "Like I >did." > >Gadget stared into his eyes. CROW: [Gadget] Is that your natural eye color? > She leaned forward; the kiss was the sweetest >thing that she had ever felt. CROW: Uh, did they ever take off his oxygen mask? JOEL: No. Why? > Suddenly, the pair felt eyes on them. TOM: [nurse] Oops! Sorry -- tripped as I was walking this jar down to the organ transplant room.... > They >broke apart and looked up. JOEL: It was a brief affair.... > Dale stood in the doorway, his eyes wide. > CROW: [Dale] Someone replaced my eyedrops with Crazy Glue. >"Dale- " Chip began. > >Dale put out his hands. CROW: [Dale] All right, Chip -- hustlin' da broads already! Gimme ten, bro! You da man! > "Hey, uh, don't mind me. I'll just get in the way, as >usual." TOM: It's his God-given gift, all right. > He turned and ran out of the room. JOEL: [Dale] Rikki Lake is on! > >"Oh, no," groaned Chip. > >"I'll talk to him," said Gadget. She started to get up, but Chip's persistent >hands caught her. JOEL: [Chip] Forget the loser -- let's love! > >"Just let him cool down for a while," he cautioned. "He's likely to just blow >up and be unreasonable. TOM: He's unstable, anyway. > The best bet is to just let it go for about a day. CROW: [Chip] He forgets things quick. >Then he'll calm down and be able to be confronted. Until then, just pretend >that it didn't happen." > JOEL: Denial. The cornerstone of all successful consoling. >Gadget sat back down, not knowing what to say. A few minutes later, Monterey >walked in. JOEL: [Monty] Well, you two are certainly havin' yerselves a time! > >"Have you seen Dale?" > TOM: [Gadget] Well, duh, we've been on the same team for years. >Gadget and Chip looked at each other. CROW: [Chip] Who tells him you're pregnant? > "Monty, I thought that you were going >to talk to him," said Gadget. Monty looked taken aback. TOM: [Monty] I did. We talked about how much Gadget loves Dale... oh, wait. It's Chip, you love -- dang it! I can never tell these chipmunks apart! > >"I was going to, but he was insistent on coming and seeing Chip for a while. CROW: [Monty] He was hoping to get here in time to watch the surgery. Odd lad. >Why? What happened?" > >"Dale walked in at a bad time," explained Chip. JOEL: [Chip] He saw us putting the gifts under the tree. > "Now he's off somewhere >pouting. He needs to watch his temper. TOM: [Chip] It's not housebroken and we're guests here. > Things like that are what could tear >our team apart." CROW: My money's on the fanfic authors. > He started to sit up, but the sudden shock of pain kept him >from propping himself all the way up. > >"Now, Chip, you know how you would feel if you walked in on Dale and me," >Gadget said softly. TOM: [Gadget] Goin' at it in wild, passionate, monkey-love... oh! Not that we've done anything like that at all during the time you've been away. Really. Honest. > "I wouldn't be too critical. He did lose his temper, but >he'll calm down. He always does!" > >Dale walked up and down the length of the park. He wiped his tears away with >one hand. The anger overwhelmed him. First, he thought that Chip was dying. >Then, CROW: Chip had the nerve to live! How rude! > he walked in on his best friend kissing the girl that he loved! Of >course, he told himself, Chip loved her too. However, that part of his inner >dialogue didn't register. TOM: It was forced to wait in the mile-long on-site registration line. JOEL: Always pre-register if you can.... > All he could feel was fury and bitterness welling >up inside. At least Chip was in the clear. That soothed him somewhat, but >then he remembered walking in and seeing Gadget lean down and kiss Chip! CROW: He wanted to kiss Chip! > Why >Chip? he asked himself. JOEL: Because he's the only other chipmunk in the city? > He was the funny one! TOM: Chip was? CROW: Uhm, no. > Chip didn't have near the sense >of humor that he had. Also, Chip had no sense of entertainment. Gadget would >get bored! he told himself. JOEL: You mean she's not already? > He walked around the park a few more times, >venting his frustration. CROW: Beating the crap out of the smaller animals. > Sure, Chip was the smart one, but that wasn't a good >reason for Gadget to prefer Chip over him! JOEL: Maybe because Chip doesn't have a nose the size of Neptune. > As he wandered around aimlessly, >he then began to realize what was truly bothering him. CROW: The ham he had found in the back of the fridge, but ate anyway. > It was the fact that >Chip or Gadget had not told him about their current status. JOEL: They give Dale daily updates? > He felt betrayed. TOM: He saw the wisdom of Benedict Arnold. >Suddenly, the stress of the past few days overwhelmed him. Dale sat down, >hugged his knees to his chest, and cried. CROW: Wow, someone is actually crying more often than Gadget! > >That night, Chip lay wide awake in the hospital bed. JOEL: Someone had mistakenly hooked his IV up to the espresso machine. > Monterey Jack was >snoring softly in the chair beside him. His thoughts kept returning back to >Dale. TOM: The dead weight of the team. > Zipper had come in telling them that Dale had returned home, but had >refused to speak to Gadget and went straight to his room. CROW: [Eric Idle] Now I've got to get into the fish tank and sing! > He knew that he had >hurt Dale's feelings, but Chip had feelings, too. JOEL: Take one rationalization and deny everything in the morning. > He couldn't stifle his own >for his friend's sake; not when it was as important as his love for Gadget. CROW: Yeah, why care about Deadbeat Dale? >He was about to roll over, but he remembered his stitches. He sighed as he >tried to relax. There was nothing more that he hated than to be inactive for >long periods of time. TOM: Although having his legs waxed ran a close second. > Taking a deep breath, he winced. JOEL: [Chip] Living hurts. CROW: We know it so well. > The pain still had not >faded. Of course, the doctor told him that it would take three, maybe four >weeks for the burn to heal completely. TOM: But the doctor also told Chip that Australia was inhabited by clones of Elvis Presley, so Chip had his doubts. > Chip had moaned; to be trapped inside >without working for a month was terrifying. JOEL: I guess the Rangers don't offer workmans comp. > He then smiled, thinking of >Gadget. At least she would be wonderful company. CROW: If you know what I mean.... > A frown creased his brow as >he remembered Dale and his reaction to Chip and Gadget. TOM: [Dale] Nowak says you guys can't have babies, so there! > Tears began to well >up in his eyes. Although no one could see him, CROW: He's wearing swim fins and a diaper?! > Chip embarrassedly wiped the >salty drops away from his cheeks. Chip truly loved Dale as a brother, the >brother he never had. JOEL: Then he wouldn't know what it's like to love a brother, but oh well. > And now, Dale was trying to compromise that bond by >being unreasonable. TOM: By acting human, right. CROW: Chip learned about emotions from Mr. Spock. > Of course, Chip supposed, he was almost as much to blame >as Dale. Gadget was coming between them. JOEL: Then wouldn't Gadget be the one to blame? > As much as he hated it, Gadget was >his new priority. He gave a sigh and kept trying to go to sleep. CROW: He wondered if shutting his eyes would help. > >The next day, the doctor breezily gave Chip a checkup. TOM: [Chip] Please, not another body cavity search.... > "Well, Chip, it looks >like you're finally going to be o-k." JOEL: [Dr. O'Connor] Once we kill you, your health problems will be solved. > >Chip grinned. "So, does that mean that I get to go home?" > >The doctor shook his head. "Sorry, but we need to keep you for a few days. CROW: [Dr. O'Connor] We have some interns who need to brush up on their cadaver studies. >For observations, and all. We just want to keep an eye on you." Dr. O'Connor >left the room. TOM: The doctor has clairvoyance, I guess. > >Chip's grin faded. Monterey gave him a nudge. JOEL: Chip fell out of the bed and hit the floor, popping his stitches open and spilling his heart and lungs out in a bloody heap. CROW: Good action sequence! > "Don't worry, Chipper, me lad. >You'll be outa here in two shakes of a dingo's tail!" > >"Sure Monty. Whatever you say." CROW: [Chip] Just spare me your redneck catchphrases. > Chip's downcast expression made Monty's heart >ache. JOEL: Oh great -- now *Monty* is falling in love with Chip! TOM: All we need is Caprice and we'll have "The Days of Our Lives". > He knew that Chip wanted to get out of this place so that he could be >with Gadget. He also knew that Chip was dying to get back CROW: Ha ha -- little hospital joke. > to cases as well. >He just patted Chip on the shoulder and hurried after the doctor. TOM: [Monty] He's not dead yet! Can you fix that? > Chip was so >lost in his own thoughts that he didn't even notice. > >"Hey, doc!" he called. JOEL: He left the room, Chip. > Dr. O'Connor turned and smiled. TOM: [Dr. O'Connor] Do I know you? > >"Yes? What can I do for you?" > >Monterey puffed to a stop. "Uh, are you sure that Chip needs to stay for a >few days? I mean, he really wants to go home. CROW: [Dr. O'Connor] He needs to be monitored-- TOM: [Monty] His insurance company won't foot any more bills. CROW: [Dr. O'Connor] Have him out of this building in twenty minutes. > He's been here for three days >already and he's getting restless." JOEL: [Monty] He wants new wallpaper. > >The doctor paused and thought for a moment. "Well, I'm not sure. He needs to >stay here at least another night. He still has a chance of going into shock >from the surgery. CROW: [Dr. O'Connor] Or my ineptitude. > I mean, for all I know, he may be in shock, and we just >don't realize it. TOM: [Dr. O'Connor] We really aren't very good at this "medical treatment" thing. > It's very difficult to tell with chipmunks. JOEL: Oh, like if that isn't the standard cop-out for doctors these days.... > But, yes, after >tomorrow, I don't see why Chip can't go home- that is, if there are no more >complications." TOM: [Old Guy from "Cave Dwellers"] It is everything... and nothing. > On that note, Dr. O'Connor hurried away as a nurse began >calling his name. JOEL: As a curse. > Monty gave a little smile and went to tell Chip the news >and to call Gadget. TOM: Why should Chip call Gadget? CROW: Probably needs her to secretly airlift him out, so they don't have to pay the bill. > >Back at headquarters, Gadget smiled in relief at Monterey's phone call. CROW: There was a lot of heavy breathing, but she sort of enjoyed it. > "Hey, >Zip! Monty said that Chip may get to come home tomorrow!" > TOM: [Gadget] In a bodybag! >"Hooray!" Zipper squeaked. CROW: [Zipper] I'll tell the maggots! > He buzzed away to tell Dale. > >Gadget smiled to herself. When Chip came home, everything would be perfect. JOEL: Gadget lives a hopelessly blind, idyllic life of fantasy and illusion. >Suddenly, she heard a crash, and Zipper came flying very fast (even for him!) >around the corner from Dale's room. Gadget sighed. Well, maybe not exactly >perfect. Dale still hadn't calmed down. CROW: It's been years and he's still sore that "Barney Miller" was canceled. > She looked questioningly at Zipper. >He just shrugged dramatically and shook his head. Gadget sighed again and >went over to the couch. She began to wonder if Dale would ever talk to them >again. TOM: It was a glimmer of hope-- > She wasn't sure if Dale loved her or not, or if he was just jealous. >At any rate, she loved Chip and that was that. JOEL: Dale could drop dead for all she cared. > She set her resolve. TOM: She was going to a dental hygienist. > No one >was going to tear them apart- not after all that they had been through. She >finally sank down on the cushions. Tears began to well up in her eyes. The >team was falling apart without Dale. TOM: Who would they blame their mistakes on? > Well, maybe not, but they were certainly >stressed out about it. That just couldn't be healthy for future teamwork. TOM: [sarcasm sequencer] Noooo.... > She >turned to Zipper. "Hey, Zipper? CROW: [Gadget] Would you stop laying your eggs in the jelly? > Do you think that you could keep house? JOEL: Zipper really doesn't get much respect anymore. > I'm >going to go see Chip. If Monty gets back or something, JOEL: As in, he doesn't get back. > tell him where I've >gone, o-k?" > >Zipper squeaked an positive answer. CROW: [Zipper] Ditching the team to make-out with Chip. Got it. > Gadget grabbed her goggles and hurried >out of the house. On the way to the hospital, she started thinking again. TOM: [Gadget] I should just build my own stomach pump; be cheaper in the long run. > She >hoped that Chip was resting and not worrying about this conflict that had >erupted. JOEL: Why? It's not like Chip and Dale have been as close as brothers or anything. > As she neared the hospital, she was forced to wipe at her eyes >again. CROW: [Gadget] Damn pigeons. > Why was she so sensitive all of a sudden? JOEL: Normally her heart was a rough chunk of stone. > She laughed through her >tears- it must be love, she mused. TOM: Or expired medication. > She hugged herself before she entered the >building, CROW: Hoping whoever groped at her this time had their shots. > pretending that it was Chip's arms encircling her instead of her >own. She giggled at her silliness. TOM: [Gadget] Chip doesn't have arms! > She went on through the ventilation and >into the busy (as usual) hospital. TOM: I guess it would be bad for a hospital to be dead quiet, yeah. Hah! > She made her way to Chip's room, slowly >but surely. CROW: Making her way around Dr. O'Connor's latest patients from a long line of failed experiments. > As she entered, Monty jumped up to greet her and Chip smiled, >still weak. JOEL: [Chip] Great. I have to endure the smell of overalls that have six-year old 15W motor oil stains. > >"Hey, Gadge!" Monterey said loudly, as was characteristic of the large mouse. TOM: Since when? > >Gadget threw him a look bordering on a glare. "Hey, don't call me that!" she >exclaimed. CROW: Huh? TOM: This is new.... > She smiled at Chip. "How are you feeling?" JOEL: [Chip] With my nerve endings, I suppose. > >Chip shrugged, and made a face. "All right, I guess. I still don't feel all >that great, though." TOM: So why would he be feeling all right? > >Gadget smiled sympathetically as she made her way over to his bedside. She >turned to Monterey Jack. "Monty? Could you-" JOEL: [Gadget] Stop looking at me like that? > >"Oh! Sure, luv. I was going to go on home, anyway." As he passed by her, he >gently took hold of her arm and bent down to whisper in her ear. CROW: [Monty] Twenty grand. Tonight. Or the chipmunk here dies. > "Hey, be >easy with him. He's not having a good day." Gadget nodded, her head down. CROW: [Monty] He just learned what Soyent Green is made from. > >Chip watched Monterey's back as he left. TOM: [Chip] Whoa -- Monty got back. > He turned his head slightly to face >Gadget. "How's Dale?" he asked softly. > >Gadget didn't exactly look at him. "Well, he's still pretty upset. He hasn't >spoken a word to me, and today he threw something at Zipper. I think it was a >comic book." It sounded so ridiculous that the two began to laugh. CROW: Uh, Ha? > After a >minute, Chip was gasping for breath. "Oh, Chip! Are you o-k?" JOEL: Hey, he's Col. Glen Manning now! > >Chip kept laughing, only not as hard. "Oh, I'm fine. I just haven't laughed >in forever! JOEL: There really hasn't been any reason to. > I've really missed it." He paused and looked meaningfully at her. >"I've really missed you." TOM: [Chip] Laughing at you, I mean. > >Gadget blushed. "Oh, Chip . . ." > >"No, really." Chip was very serious now. He reached for her hands and pulled >her toward the hospital bed. TOM: Wow! CROW: No time like the present, eh Chip? > She sat down next to him. "Gadget, you don't >know how long I've been wanting to tell you that I love you, and how long >that I've wished for the same words to come from you. And now, they have." > >They stared into each others eyes for a long moment. JOEL: [Gadget] I didn't understand a single thing you just said. > "I love you, Chip," >Gadget breathed. > >Chip beamed at her. JOEL: [Gadget] But only as a brother. TOM: Oooo.... CROW: That'll kill your joy real quick.... > "I've been waiting for that for a long time, Gadget. I >love you, too." He extended his hand and touched her blonde hair with a >careful hand, almost not believing it. TOM: [Chip] Your roots are black! > Of course Gadget had told him a few >days ago that she loved him, TOM: But, as usual, he really hadn't been listening to her; she rarely had anything of importance to say. > but now it just seemed more special, more real. >They sat there for many long minutes, not realizing how much time was >slipping away. CROW: Man, they're just naturals at this romance thing, aren't they? Just sitting and staring like that. > Suddenly, Chip's stomach growled, breaking the moment. The >pair began laughing again. JOEL: In came the nice rodents in white coats to put the straightjackets on-- > "I don't guess that I've even eaten since >breakfast. TOM: Uh, okay. Nobody's forcing you to guess, you know. > I didn't really eat much lunch." He made a face. CROW: He's good at that. > "I wouldn't eat >any of this hospital food if I were you," he cautioned. "It's worse than >Dale's cooking." > >They laughed for about five seconds until they realized what Chip had said. JOEL: And how incredibly lame it was. >Silence encompassed them again. Gadget looked down at her lap. "What are we >going to do about him, Chip?" TOM: [Chip] Dump the driftwood. > >Chip sank back into his pillows. "I just don't know. CROW: [Chip] It's not like I ever had to make a decision before, you know! > I didn't sleep at all >last night worrying about him. I don't have a single idea of how to handle >him anymore." Gadget caressed his hands. > >"Don't worry, Chip. It'll all work out." But she wasn't so sure. > CROW: Swell -- she's turning into Dr. O'Connor now. TOM: Come on, let's go. [They exit the theater.] [1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ... G] [CROW, TOM, and GYPSY are all lined up at the counter. All seem reserved and depressed. While TOM and CROW shake their heads slowly, GYPSY merely stares blankly ahead -- which isn't too uncommon, really.] MAGIC VOICE: Dr. Doolittle, telephone. Dr Doolittle, telephone, please. CROW: I just can't believe it. Joel might-- TOM: Don't you say it, Crow! Don't even *think* it! Joel's a fighter! He'll pull through, you just wait and see! CROW: [sniffling] I know, I know, Tom... but still... I mean, what if he dies?! TOM: I told you not to say that! Joel hasn't met the fanfic yet that can break his will so bad that he just ups and dies. MAGIC VOICE: Dr. Giggles to the Emergency Ward, Dr. Giggles to the Emergency Ward, please. CROW: But he's only human, Tom -- not a robot like you and me and Gypsy here! He's frail, and weak, and in need of protection from mean, nasty fanfics that hurt cute little animals and then put them under the care of some Freddy Krueger wanna-be! GYPSY: I-- TOM: [interrupting] Crow, fretting over it won't help! We... we have to be strong. like Joel. CROW: You mean the Joel who's in intensive care because he's weak and dying? TOM: D'oh! MAGIC VOICE: Dr. Demento, to post-ops, please. Dr. Demento, to post-ops. GYPSY: I-- CROW: Well I just wish he would get all better. [sniff] I miss the little bejumpsuited guy. Even his wafting trail of human odors. TOM: ...I wouldn't go that far, personally. MAGIC VOICE: Dr. O'Connor, your copy of "Live Organ Transplants for Dummies" has arrived at the front desk. Dr. O'Connor to the front desk, please. [Pause.] CROW: Gypsy, what do you think? GYPSY: I love him. CROW & TOM: What?!? CROW: You mean you don't love me?! What a jip! TOM: Hey, pin-beak, if anyone has a right to be upset, it's me! Why would Gypsy care about a gold-plated, basket-head cretin like you? CROW: Oh, like you're such a big deal, Mr. Nothing-In-My-Head! You're arms don't even work! TOM: Yeah, well, neither do yours! [They continue in this manner for a few seconds, until JOEL walks over behind them.] JOEL: Hey guys. What are you quarreling about now? [The bots turn to JOEL with surprise.] TOM: Wha-- you're alive! CROW: Nuts! Now my chances with Gypsy are even smaller! Why couldn't you have curled up and died like every one of your race is fated to?! JOEL: Whoa, slow down, guys. First, why did you think I was going to die? TOM: Well, all humans die, Joel. You said so yourself. JOEL: I mean, why did you think I was going to die today? TOM: Oh. Well, when we got out of the theater you said you needed to go die now. JOEL: I did? [he thinks back] Oh -- well, I was mumbling too much, I guess. I said I needed to go "lie down", Tom. TOM: ...oh. CROW: Who cares? Now that you're alive, Gypsy is going to confess her love for you, shutting me out into the cold darkness of isolation forever! [JOEL seems a bit taken aback.] JOEL: The hell? GYPSY: What? I don't love Joel. Aside from as a brother, of course. [JOEL looks relieved.] TOM: But you said, 'I love him', Gypsy, remember? After Crow asked you what you thought? GYPSY: Oh. I thought we were talking about Richard Basehart. CROW & TOM: Arrgggghhhh.... [Commercial light starts to flash.] MAGIC VOICE: Security to the operating room -- Dr. Forrestor is preforming vivisection against patient's wills again. Security to the operating room, please. JOEL: We'll be right back, here at the Happy Home for the Fanfics with Delusions of Grandeur. [Smiling, JOEL swats the flasher.]