[Joel and the Bots enter the theater.] JOEL: I'm really glad Gypsy was able to resuscitate him. TOM: I'm not. JOEL: Well, I feel bad about it now -- > >============================================================================ > > -Chapter V- > > "Oh, guys..." Chip came over to Gadget, TOM: Wait -- did Chip say that or Gadget? > held her head to his chest, and >stroked her head in comfort as she cried. JOEL: Ah, a weeping Gadget. The hallmark to all classic Ranger fanfic. CROW: Help me. > > "Shh...it's all right, Gadget...we're all here now...it's okay...shh..." >Chip quietly comforted Gadget as the other Rangers walked over to her and TOM: Laughed. >Chip. "Listen to me, Gadget." Gadget looked up at Chip and wiped the tears TOM: Of laughter. > out >of her eyes. "We want you to stay here for about one more day. JOEL: [Chip] Regardless of what the doctors said. > We're gonna go >look for this Leviathan, and we want you to be safe, okay, Gadget?" > TOM: [Chip] So we're leaving you by yourself. > "Okay, Chip," Gadget answered. Chip turned to the other Rangers. > > "Guys, let's go. I think she needs some time alone." CROW: Hasn't she been alone up to this point? > > "Sure, mate. See ya later, Gadget-love," Monterey said. JOEL: [Monty] Hope those bleeding cuts heal quick! > > "See ya soon, Gadget!" Dale called as he left the room with Monty and >Zipper. CROW: [Dale] Too bad about you getting beat up like that! > A few moments after they left, Chip turned to Gadget. > TOM: [Chip] Mind if I borrow your MiniDisc player while you're gone? > "Gadget, I promise that we will find Leviathan and make sure he gets what >he deserves for what he did to you," Chip told her. TOM: Knowing how most authors write their Mary Sues, they'll offer him a position as a Rescue Ranger. > Then he realized that >Gadget was asleep; she had cried herself to sleep. CROW: [Gadget] Why can't these fanfic authors leave me alone?! > Chip walked over to Miss >Hackwrench, JOEL: Why is it all so-called "tender" moments have to be formal? CROW: Sort of defeats the purpose, huh? > moved her hair out of her face, kissed her forehead softly, then >quickly left the room. > > "Chip, TOM: [whoever's speaking] Would you stop coping a feel when Gadget's unconscious? > do ya think Gadget's gonna be all right?" Dale asked his partner. JOEL: She was only beaten, electrocuted, and nearly pulled apart, after all. > > "Physically, yes. JOEL: See? > Emotionally, however..." Chip trailed off as he though >about what Gadget had said. CROW: Thought, even. > Then he looked around. TOM: [Chip] You see a snack bar? > "Dale, where's Monterey?" CROW: [Dale] Drowning his sorrows in whiskey. Why? > > "I dunno. He said he had to go visit an old friend." * * * TOM: That line got three stars. JOEL: Indeed. > > Monterey Jack and Zipper walked over to the grave which they had so >recently visited, TOM: Why isn't Zipper flying? > except this time JOEL: They had a pass that ushered them to the front of the line. > --after some heavy negotiation--they were >joined by Chip and Dale. TOM: Wait - Monterey left. JOEL: Right. TOM: And then he talked Chip and Dale into following him after he left? JOEL: Uh.... > All four stopped in front of the grave and kneeled >before it. CROW: [Monty] We must pray to the God of Cheezeits. > > "Geegaw, these two here are me mates Chip and Dale. They wanted t' say >somethin' to ya," Monterey spoke. Dale approached the stone first. CROW: [Dale] Well, thanks for coming out tonight! Oh, you really can't come out that well right now, huh? Ha! (rimshot) Thank you, you're a beautiful audience! > > "Um, Mister Hackwrench, sir," Dale said nervously, for he had never done >anything like this before. TOM: Speaking to the dead is something he normally only did in Meghan's works. > "I just wanna say that, um, I really think that >that Leviathan guy shouldn't have done what he did to your daughter, ALL: Duh! > and we're >gonna catch him for you. Um, Chip?" CROW: [Dale] A little participation would be nice here. > Chip rose and walked up to the grave. JOEL: [Chip] I'll be doing a scene from "Blithe Spirit". > > "Geegaw, it's a shame we never met you. TOM: [Chip] And we're going to cure that right now. Start digging, guys. > From what Monterey Jack and >Gadget have told us about you, I think you would have made a great Rescue >Ranger. CROW: [Chip] Gadget sure as heck can't fly straight-- > But now, we're going to avenge Gadget for what Leviathan >did...to...her..." Chip stopped speaking, and, for one of the few times in his >life, broke down and cried. TOM: [Geegaw's grave] Whoa -- hey! You're ruining my topsoil! JOEL: Chip needs to stop going to cemeteries -- he keeps crying over the graves whenever he's in one. > He loved and cared for Gadget, and he never wanted >any harm to come to her or any of the Rangers. The others walked over to him. CROW: [Monty] What a baby. >"I...failed...to keep her safe...I...should...have stayed with her..." > CROW: [Haltingly] We need... actors people who can... read lines... convincingly... > > "Easy there, Chipper," Monterey told him. He put his hand on Chip's >shoulder. "You didn't know that would happen..." CROW: [Monty] She was just going off by 'erself, like all the other times that she wound up in life-threatening encounters... oh, that really isn't that great of a reassurance, eh? > > "But I could have stayed with Gadget!" Chip shouted. TOM: But you didn't. > He knocked Monty's >hand away. "I could have kept her safe! JOEL: But you didn't. > Then she wouldn't be lying in a >hospital right now, crying her heart out because someone tortured her!" CROW: But she is. TOM: Yeah, great job, Chipper. > He ran >off, alone and in a rage unmatched by any feeling he had ever felt before. TOM: Well, except maybe that time he missed the season finale to "Dallas"-- No, no, not even then! > > "Chip! Chip, wait up!" Dale started to run after Chip, but Monterey and >Zipper again stopped him in his tracks. JOEL: Well, Monterey, at least. > > "Dale, let's give Chip some time to cool off." 'I think he needs time >alone more than any of us, even Gadget,' he thought to himself. TOM: Uhm, excuse me? Who's speaking here? CROW: I guess it's the author. > The three >remaining Rangers then returned to Ranger HQ in the Ranger Plane. * * * > TOM: Why not? It's not like anything ever happens to a Ranger when they're alone, right? > "Have they found Chip yet?" Gadget was sitting up in her hospital bed, >talking to Foxglove. CROW: [Foxglove] Well, half of him-- > Beside Foxglove was Silvia, who had heard about what >happened and came to see Gadget. TOM: They say good news travels fast. > > "No, I'm afraid not," Foxglove answered. "It's been almost ten hours >since they said Chip disappeared, and they still don't have any clues as to >where he went." JOEL: [Foxglove] David Copperfield has really been embarrassed -- normally he can make the volunteers reappear a lot quicker! > > "Gadget, how could anyone do...this...to you?" Silvia inquired. CROW: [Gadget] Oh sure, I'll happily explain every detail of my abduction and torture, just so your own morbid little curiosity is sated. TOM: [Gadget] By the way, who the hell are you? > "I know >you have enemies, but one who would..." TOM: Take your pick. > > "I know." Gadget cut her off. JOEL: It's hard to cut someone off if they've already trailed off. > "I just wish I knew who that guy was, or >why he really kidnapped me." CROW: It was probably all an elaborate scheme to kiss her. JOEL & TOM: Ewwww.... > > "Well, don't worry, Gadget," Foxglove said cheerfully. "The Rescue >Rangers will find that Leviathan guy and make him pay for what he did to you." CROW: [Foxglove] Eighty cents should replace the coveralls, but the hospital stay will be the big cost. > > "If they can find Chip first," Silvia added. Only she laughed at her own >joke. TOM: That bad, huh? > Foxglove was giving her a dirty look, and Gadget merely looked away from >both of them. Silvia then realized what she had said. "Oh, Gadget...I'm sorry, >I..." JOEL: [Silvia] Won't quit my day job. > > "It's alright, Silvia," Gadget said forlornly, not even looking at her. CROW: Unable to face such a rude creature. >"I just wish I knew where Chip was, too." Unknown to any in the room, Chip was >right outside, on his knees, looking down at Gadget through the window. TOM: Hold it. He's kneeling, looking *down* on Gadget? So... what? -- he's on the wall? CROW: [singing] Spider-Chip, Spider-Chip! Does all the things that are hip! > He was >now concerned with finding Leviathan. TOM: [shaking] Then why is he peeping on Gadget?! > > "Gadget, I promised you I'd find the guy who did this to you. I won't >break that promise!" CROW: [Chip] I'll go right after you've had your sponge bath from that hot nurse. > Chip stood up and walked away. JOEL: Up the wall, to the roof, then spun a webline and swung away. > Gadget and her friends >continued to talk. JOEL: [Silvia] Don't you think you should tell Chip you're carrying Dale's child? TOM: [Foxglove] And that for some reason it's a moose? > > "Well, I've got to get going," Silvia said, looking at the clock on the >wall. JOEL: [Silvia] Time to go denigrate another bedridden friend! > "I'll see you later, Gadget." CROW: [Gadget] Like Hell. Get out. > > "G'bye, Silvia." As Silvia left, Gadget turned to Foxglove. "Foxglove, CROW: [Gadget] Will you be a dear and murder that little-- >will you help the Rangers out for me? Until I come home tomorrow, that is?" > > "Sure, Gadget!" Foxglove knew that now she could spend some more time >with Dale--hopefully. "You want me to go now?" TOM: [Foxglove] Please, Master, inform me as to what I shall do, as I have no will of my own. > > "Wait," Gadget said. "Foxglove, make sure that they find Chip before they >find Leviathan--or before Leviathan finds him." JOEL: [Gadget] Do not return until my wishes have been carried out, slave. > With those words embedded in >her mind, Foxglove left the room, then left the hospital and flew into the >starry night to look for Chip. * * * TOM: Hey, cool! It really *is* starry out! > > "Crikey, this city's bigger than I thought!" remarked Monterey Jack as he >brought the Ranger Plane down for a three-point landing in front of Ranger HQ >after an exhausting night of searching for the missing Ranger. TOM: And since the Ranger Plane only has two landing gear struts, it wasn't easy. JOEL: [Monty] Crikey, that sentence was longer than I thought! > Foxglove landed >shortly thereafter. "I didn't think Chip could hide forever in there, but he's >certainly doin' a good job of it right now!" CROW: He's only one chipmunk in a major city, after all. How many places are there for him to hide, really? JOEL: I just want to know if that was Monty or Foxglove talking. > > "Don't worry, Monty. Chip'll show up sooner or later," Zipper said as >Dale opened the door. CROW: In a bodybag, for instance-- > > "Why, I bet he's probably inside, waiting..." As Dale turned and entered >Ranger HQ, he, nor anyone else, couldn't believe the sight before his eyes-- JOEL: It's Lucky with his box of Lucky Charms! Get him! >Chip was indeed waiting inside Ranger HQ, and he standing next to Leviathan, >who was tied up, gagged, and unconscious. "Whoa!" was all he could muster. TOM: Uh, Leviathan said that? JOEL: While gagged? CROW: And unconscious, no less? JOEL: Geez, you just can't shut the guy up! > > "Chip!" Foxglove cried out. "Is this that Leviathan guy?" TOM: [Foxglove] I expected him to be a lot bigger and covered in seaweed-- > > "I had a hard time tracking him down, but I eventually found him, >and...persuaded him...to come with me," Chip said with a mischevious grin. JOEL: [Chip] The sap is a sucker for Mega Man T-Shirts. > > "All right, you monster! Now you're gonna get it!" Monterey Jack walked >up to Leviathan. "You hurt me old mate Geegaw's little girl, and now I'm gonna >hurt YOU!" JOEL: [alarmed] He's going to do his Saturday Night Fever dance! ALL: NOOOOOOOO!!! > > "He won't feel it, Monty. He's out cold." TOM: So? > Zipper examined his eyes, JOEL: [Zipper] Still big, yellow, and not compound. Strange. > then >confirmed what Chip had said. > > "Oh. Well, when he wakes up..." Monterey dragged the captive over to a >nearby corner and tossed him into it. CROW: The *real* Monterey would have tossed him *through* it. > Foxglove started for Gadget's room, >sleepy after a hard night of searching for Chip. JOEL: Haunted with the knowledge that she had failed her Master's mission utterly. > > "Guys, do you think Gadget would mind if I used her bedroom?" Foxglove >yawned. She was ready to hit the hay--so to speak. TOM: Was that a joke? JOEL: I guess. > > "Go ahead, Foxglove. Have a nice nap," Dale called as he walked towards >Leviathan. TOM: Wasn't Dale facing Leviathan while he was walking towards him? > When he heard Gadget's door close, he turned to the captive. "Okay, >you..." > > "Shut up." This came from Leviathan, who had regained consciousness and >spit out the gag. CROW: [Monty] Oh, *that's* what happened to my underwear! > He tried to stand up, but found that he was tied up. He >looked at Chip. "If HE hadn't hit me from behind, TOM: God hit Leviathan from behind? > I wouldn't be here right >now." JOEL: A master of martial arts gets downed with one hit from behind. Riiiiight. > Leviathan struggled, then with all his strength, snapped the rope which >held him down much to the awe--and fright--of the Rangers. CROW: There we go! Much more like the Mary Sue we know and love. > "But since I'm >here, I'll just do my job--and destroy all of you right now." TOM: Then why didn't he destroy Gadget when he had the chance? JOEL: He must have gotten a bad performance review after that session. > > "If it's a fight you want..." Monterey rushed him. Leviathan gave him a >spinning roundhouse kick. JOEL: Monterey sighed and put it with the other six spinning roundhouse kicks he got last Christmas. > Chip and Dale watched as the resident muscle mouse >was knocked across the room, then as Zipper was batted away in the same >direction as Monty. CROW: *Big* surprise. > Then the two chipmunks rushed the "captive." TOM: They'd probably get a lot farther if the attacked him as a *group*. > > "Give me a break," Leviathan sarcastically pleaded as he somersaulted >over the boys. JOEL: "The boys"? Steve is a personal friend of Chip and Dale, now? > Chip and Dale ran into the wall, thus getting knocked out in >the process. TOM: *These* are the Rangers that have survived numerous encounters with Nimnul, Fat Cat, and a host of other villains? CROW: Ah, but they never had to take on a Mary Sue... at least not since the last "New Ranger" fanfic. > Looking around, Leviathan chuckled. "Now, how can I easily >destroy them?" Just then the door opened. Leviathan turned to see Gadget in >the doorway. > > "Guys, I'm JOEL: [Gadget] Carrying Dale's child/moose-- > ...oh...no > > .." Gadget saw Leviathan standing there, TOM: [singing] I saw you standing there.... > and saw the other Rangers >slumped on the floor, passed out. TOM: Tanked, again. > She knew she was in serious need of help-- >and quickly. > > -END Chapter V- CROW: Not just "end", but "END". > > >============================================================================ JOEL: Those are long skid marks. > > -Chapter VI- CROW: Pick up sticks. > > "Oh, no...please...leave me alone..." Gadget started to back out slowly >of Ranger HQ. Leviathan quickly followed. "Stay away from me..." TOM: He follows while telling her to stay away? > > "I don't think > JOEL: 'Nuff said. > aaaAAAHH!" Leviathan grabbed his head and dropped to his knees. "My > CROW: [Leviathan] VCR isn't programed to tape "Taste" tonight! > my head...what the..." He slowly got up, still holding his head. >"What...what am I doing here...where..." TOM: [Leviathan] Have all the flowers gone? > > "Stay...away...from...GADGET!!!" Leviathan turned around to see an >enraged Chip barreling straight for him. He connected a head butt to the >stomach, knocking JOEL: His lunch out. THE BOTS: Ewwww.... > Leviathan backwards. Gadget jumped to the side to avoid him, >but lost her balance and fell off the side of the runway. TOM: Wait. The edge of the runway is right next to the door? CROW: Easier to get rid of those annoying girl scouts. > She grabbed a tiny >branch on the way down. > > "Guys, I need help!" Gadget knew that the branch she was holding on to >wouldn't support her weight for long. "Quick!" TOM: Unable to support the weight of a petite, female mouse. Uh-huh. Sure. Right. > > "I'm coming, Gadget! Just hold on!" Chip knew he only had seconds to get >the Plunger Harpoon, load it, and fire a plunger with a string long enough to >reach Gadget. CROW: By the time he had finished that thought, though, she was already street pizza. > It was hopeless. Then he turned to see Leviathan get up and look >down at Gadget. > > "No...I remember now JOEL: [Leviathan] I was supposed to record that intro with Queensryche.... > ...it's--it's impossible...I...I...NOOOO!!" Leviathan >jumped over the side of the runway. ALL: Yayyyy!!! > Chip was suprised to see a small grappling >hook fire from out of his right sleeve and grab the side of the runway. ALL: Booooo!!! > He was >even more surprised--and grew angry--when he saw him swing over to and TOM: Fro. CROW: [Rod Sterling] A planet where mice evolved from apes?! > grab >Gadget. JOEL: He seems to make all his moves when the female is helpless, doesn't he? > "Gadget, take this rope, climb it, but don't let go." Gadget nodded, CROW: Trusting in the horrid being implicitly. >took the rope in her hands, then started to climb it. When she was halfway up, >Leviathan bit a piece of the rope at the bottom, near his sleeve. TOM: [Leviathan] Time to floss. > He dropped >down to the ground, hitting hard against it. JOEL: Against the soft grass and sod. Gotcha. > > "What did he just do?" Chip had seen what Leviathan did, TOM: Then why did he ask?! > and after >helping Gadget onto the runway and reviving the other Rangers, he quickly >rushed down to check on him, CROW: If he was helping all the other Rangers first, then it wasn't that much of a rush. > the others right behind him. "Gadget...he..." > JOEL: [Chip] Wants his bus tokens back. > "He...saved...my life..." Gadget could hardly believe that Leviathan--who >had earlier tortured her--saved her life, then took his own. TOM: It was a rather pathetic plot line, all right. > Then she saw >Leviathan's eyes blink. "Guys, he's not dead! Look!" CROW: [Gadget] Let's correct that mistake.... > > "Crikey! That's one tough mouse there!" Monterey was amazed at this. JOEL: Monterey is also easily impressed, it would seem. >Leviathan had fallen almost the entire height of the tree, yet he was still >alive. 'No mouse could 'ave survived that fall. No normal mouse, anyway...' he >thought. [All guffaw.] TOM: Yes, he was born on another planet, sent here with powers not of normal mice-- > > "What do we do now?" Dale asked. > CROW: [Hopefully] Bury him? JOEL: He's not dead. CROW: So? > "We get him to a hospital," Chip said. > TOM: [Hopefully] Then bury him? > "WHAT?!?!?" All of the Rangers were shocked to hear this--all of them, >that is, except Gadget, who understood why he had said this. > JOEL: Then, technically, it wasn't all the Rangers, but we digress. > "He saved my life. The least we can do is save his," Gadget explained. TOM: [Gadget] And I mean the least -- he'll be dropped off out in the middle of the desert with no money, clothes, or water. >The other Rangers made no attempt to argue this point, and simply helped carry >him to the hospital. * * * JOEL: They're supposed to be rodents, not sheep. CROW: Heck, they're supposed to have a backbone. > > "...oh, man...where am I?" Leviathan quickly sat up, only to discover >that he was in a hospital room. TOM: Whew! That was a crisis avoided there, eh? > The other Rangers were waiting at the back of >the room for this event to occur. CROW: Eagerly, they started their version of "Riverdance"-- > They had waited all morning. CROW: Practicing. > Now they had >Leviathan trapped--there was nothing he could do to escape, no way of fighting >back. JOEL: The author is on his side. Don't hold your breath. > "You...you brought me here...after what I did to her?" he asked, >pointing to Gadget. TOM: [Chip] It was either this or "Chuck E. Cheese's", and Dale was outvoted. > > "We couldn't let you die," Gadget explained. CROW: [Gadget] Not until we have a bunch of robots beat the living tar out of your worthless hide and then shock you into unconsciousness. > "You saved my life. Even >though you did what you did, if you saved my life, the least we could do is >save yours. TOM: [Gadget] And I *mean* the least. You'll be left-- > Besides, the doctor said you only had a broken leg and a fractured >arm. Or was it a fractured leg and a broken arm? Or..." JOEL: [Gadget] Maybe we should just break your arms and fracture your legs to cover the bases. > "Gadget-love, we get the picture," Monty interrupted. 'Too-ra-loo, only a >broken arm and leg? But how? That fall shoulda killed him!' he thought. TOM: [Monty] My hero! > > "Well, now that you're awake," Chip started. He grabbed Leviathan. "Do >you mind telling us why you tortured Gadget?!?" CROW: [Leviathan] Yes. > > "Listen, Rescue Ranger," Leviathan warned, grabbing Chip's arm. JOEL: He's gotten formal real quick. TOM: Does that mean this is supposed to be a tender shakedown? > "I didn't >do it to her on purpose." CROW: [Leviathan] I slipped and fell on my "Mouse Mangler" button-- > > "You're saying you acidentally harmed Gadget like that?" Dale screamed. TOM: [Leviathan] I just did. Are you deaf or just dumb? >Now he and Chip were angry to the point that they would actually harm >Leviathan. TOM: The torturing of Gadget they could overlook, but questions not being answered -- that's going too far! > > "Let me explain..." JOEL: [Leviathan] I have this evil twin... oh, wait. I *am* the evil twin. > > "No, mate, I'll explain somethin' to you..." Monterey moved toward their >fallen foe. CROW: [Monty] I'm not wearin' pants! > Gadget stopped him before he could reach Leviathan. CROW: [Gadget] Later... later.... > > "Guys, let me talk to him alone. I might be able to get more out of him >than you could." JOEL: If you had a bilge pump, maybe. > Gadget couldn't believe what she had just said--and neither >could the other Rescue Rangers. TOM: [Dale] This wasn't in the script! > The guys discussed this between each other for >a second, then turned to their friend. JOEL: One second? That's *it*? CROW: Not a hard decision, I guess. > > "Okay, Gadget, we'll let you talk to him alone," Chip reluctantly agreed. TOM: [Chip] It's not like you ever get into danger when you're by yourself. >"Remember, we'll be right outside this door if you need us." JOEL: [Chip] Scream if you're killed. > As they walked >out the door, he turned and whispered to Zipper. "Zipper, look in the window >and keep an eye on him for us." CROW: [Chip] Earn your keep, filth. > > "Right!" Zipper replied. When the door closed, he flew up to the window >and watched. * * * JOEL: [Zipper] Gadget's saying that it's real hot in there-- > > "Leviathan, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?" Gadget >asked as she went to sit in a chair a small distance from Leviathan. JOEL: Pulling out a notepad before beginning the session. > The >bedridden mouse then rose TOM: On the third day. > and sat on the side of his bed. > > "As you wish. I was born twenty-eight years ago in this city. I was a >lonely kid. CROW: [Leviathan] But aren't we all, in a way? > I never had any friends; all of the other kids thought I was too >weird. TOM: Go figure. > My parents were nice, JOEL: [Leviathan] Aside from naming me after a biblical sea monster. > but I was never sure if they cared for me. While >I lived with them, they always made it a daily ritual to beat me over the >head..." TOM: [Leviathan] Ah, those were the days! > > "Oh my gosh..." Gadget had never heard of such a thing--ever. She >suddenly felt untold compassion for him. CROW: Sure, why not? Tack on loving admiration while you're at it, too. > "Your parents...beat you?" > TOM: [Leviathan] At chess, at poker, at yahtzee -- they were terrors of any game! > "Every day for ten years. Whenever I tried to tell someone, they never >listened. CROW: Because then he would have gotten proper help, which would mess up the "dark" aspect of the story, and we can't have *that* now, can we? > So, when I was thirteen, I left home and searched the city for >another place to live. There was a mission JOEL: [Leviathan] They say my mission will change the world. We'll all stand proud. > where I stayed at for about a year. >Then I thought about returning home." > > "So did you?" TOM: [Leviathan] No, I only thought about it. > > "I tried. The night I went back, however, the house where my parents >lived had caught fire. CROW: [Leviathan] When I tossed in a Molotov. > I rushed in and tried to rescue them, but...I failed. JOEL: [Leviathan] Maybe if I had tried. Oh well. Did you see the Bears game? >This scar is from a falling piece of wood during that fire that struck me. I >never felt the pain of it. I was too busy trying to save my only family...in >vain..." TOM: He was vain about trying to save them? CROW: Dramatically jumping into the fire, hot wind blowing his long coat back.... > > "Oh, Leviathan..." Gadget never realized that anyone could have a life >like his. JOEL: [Doug Henning] She lived in a fantasy world of illusions and rainbows! > She wanted to ask more, but she was afraid she was being too >personal. "Um, Leviathan, did you ever, well, TOM: [Gadget] Listen to Howard Stern? > make amends with your parents?" > > "During the fire, my parents got caught behind a fiery pice of wood. CROW: [Gadget] Answer the question, please. JOEL: "pice"? >There was no way for them to escape. I forgave them as I was dragged out of >the house by a fireman--or firemouse, as the case may be--and forgave myself >for running away. TOM: [Leviathan] While I was on a roll, I forgave Ginger Spice for leaving, George Lucas for "Howard the Duck, Lassie for running away-- > They forgave me for that, too. Those were the last words >they spoke, CROW: [Leviathan] Besides, "AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" > and that was the last time I ever saw my parents." > > "Golly..." Gadget was now sorry she had ever asked him to tell her about >his life. CROW: He was frightfully dull. > She saw a small tear drop down Leviathan's face and over his scar. JOEL: And a big crybaby. >At the same time, tears formed on Gadget's blue eyes, as she not only thought >about Leviathan's terrible past, but as she remembered her own, late parents, >Geegaw and Bridget Hackwrench. * * * JOEL: Who also had been blocked behind a fiery "pice" of wood -- what a plot twist! > > "I became a drifter after that. I traveled around the city, and helped >people in trouble for about twelve years. CROW: [Leviathan] You wouldn't believe how often that torture room was needed! > I could never live with my failure >to save my parents, TOM: [Leviathan] So I killed myself. JOEL: So that's what stinks about this. > so I tried to make up for that loss by saving others in >need of help. CROW: [Leviathan] Admittedly, the torturing aspect of the plan is something of a hindrance -- but it *is* the part I like most. > About two years ago, I met Don, my partner. Together, we trained >in martial arts. TOM: [Leviathan] Because everyone who wears a trenchcoat has to. Union rules. > I learned it quicker than he did, although he knows quite a >bit himself. After about three months of training, I became a vigilante and >basically did your job when you couldn't-- JOEL: Yeah, well, I guess placing a high value on all life has something to do with it. > no offense, however, since from what >I've heard, CROW: [Gadget] All vicious lies! > you guys do a great job." > > "Thanks..." TOM: [Gadget] Now what does this have to do with you torturing me!?! > Gadget could hardly believe what he was saying. A vigilante-- >a one-man Rescue Ranger group-- JOEL: Except for Don, but we'll ignore that. > had tortured her! 'What drove him to this?' JOEL: A Hyundai? >Gadget wondered. She looked at the window in the door and saw Zipper; she had >not looked that way the whole time, and assumed that it was time for her to >leave. TOM: [Gadget] My lieges are calling. > "Sorry, Leviathan, but I've gotta go. I'll come back tomorrow, if you >want..." TOM: She forgives quickly, doesn't she? JOEL: More like she *forgets* quickly. > > "Sure. Oh, and Gadget?" Gadget turned to Leviathan. "I've never shared >that with...anyone... CROW: [Leviathan] Not counting the guy who sells pencils on 5th and Main. > thanks for listening." > > "Leviathan...I sorta understand what you went through myself. JOEL: In the same way that the Titanic was "sorta" unsinkable. > I'll tell >you about that tomorrow...goodbye..." Gadget left the room. The other Rangers >turned towards her. TOM: Man, what's with the turning? Are they all on pivot mounts? > > "Well, what did he say?" Dale asked. > TOM: Gadget turned to Dale. > "Yeah, Gadget-love? Why did he..." > CROW: Gadget turned to Monterey. > "Guys, you wouldn't believe it..." TOM: [Bewildered] But... why shouldn't they believe it? > Gadget simply walked to the Ranger >Plane. JOEL: The Ranger Plane turned to Gadget. > The other Rangers looked at each other, shrugged, and walked back to >the Plane and headed home. CROW: They walk to the Plane, then walk back home? TOM: Gadget doesn't want to lose the Plane's parking space. > > -END Chapter VI- > > >============================================================================ > > -Chapter VII- > > "Hello? Leviathan?" Gadget had knocked on the door to his room, but heard >no reply. TOM: [British accent] Hello, Mr. Sea Monster from the Bible? Uhm, hello? Hello? > "Are you awake, Leviathan?" she whispered, so as not to either wake >him if he was asleep or to disturb anyone else in the area who was asleep. She >had come early that morning, not bothering to wake the other Rangers. CROW: You know, if she purposely sets off alone all these times, she really *is* asking for the horrors visited upon her by overly-enthusiastic fanfic writers. > > "Come in, Gadget," Leviathan called. Gadget walked into the room to find >her savior walking around on crutches in his familiar black cloak. TOM: Oh please -- the rest of the Rangers have saved Gadget's life dozens of times, yet she never thinks of them as her "saviors". JOEL: Much to Chip and Dale's dismay. > "Man, I >hate crutches..." > CROW: [Leviathan] How can I possibly brutalize the public like this?! I mean, uh-- > "I guess you get used to them, huh?" Gadget joked. > CROW: That was a joke? JOEL: Ah, laughing at the misfortune of others -- funny! TOM: And perfectly in-character, no less! > "In my line of business, I guess so," Leviathan laughed. It was the first >real laughter Gadget had heard from the troubled mouse. CROW: Well, not counting the time they watched that "Double Dare" marathon. > She actually felt at >ease with him now; as if he weren't going to do any harm to her. TOM: Yes folks, she really *is* that stupid! > > "Well, shall we continue where we left off?" JOEL: [whoever's speaking] I have another nutcase due in at three. > > "You said that you understood what I had went through. How so?" CROW: She read ahead? > > "I...um..." TOM: Psst! She forgot her lines again -- get the cue cards up! > Gadget was too afraid to speak now. The memories brought back >so much pain...so much sadness... > JOEL: So many ellipsis. > "Gadget? If you don't want to talk about it, I understand." > CROW: [Leviathan] After all, I have ways of making you talk-- > "No, I really want to talk." Gadget started digging deep into her soul to >bring back the painful memory of her parents' deaths. "My parents >both... TOM: [Gadget] Liked Neil Diamond.... > died...without me ever saying goodbye to them." > > "Gadget...I'm sorry, I...I didn't know..." > > "No, it's fine. Like you, JOEL: [Gadget] I dealt with it by torturing good people to the brink of hysteria. > I've never shared this with anyone--not even >the other Rangers." The inventor now started to cry softly. "My CROW: [Gadget] Contacts are hurting. >mom...Bridget...right after she gave birth to me, she died. My father died in >a plane crash over five years ago. He was going to compete in an air race... JOEL: So... he had the plane crash *before* the air race? CROW: A mouse ahead of his time. > he >never came back... TOM: [Gadget] He flew off to Rio and left me with the bills. > oh, Leviathan..." Gadget buried her head in her hands and >cried harder and longer than she ever had before in her life. TOM: Wait. So every time that Gadget thinks about her past she falls into an unbelievable crying fit? JOEL: I think someone has been reading too many of Meghan's stories.... > > "Shh...it's okay..." Leviathan slowly limped over to Gadget and comforted >her in the same manner CROW: When she was his prisoner. TOM: [Leviathan] For your own good! [zzzzt!] How many lights are there, Gadget?! [zzzzt!] Four, right?! [zzzzt!] > Chip had done when she first told the Rangers of what >had happened to her. "Gadget, you are one of the most beautiful women I've >ever JOEL: Tortured. > laid eyes upon. How do you manage to have such beauty on the outside >when, TOM: [Leviathan] You pork out on cupcakes like nobody's business? > like me, your soul is scarred and bruised?" > JOEL: Technically, it's known as "plot contrivance". CROW: In layman's terms, we call it "crud". > "I know," Gadget said, drying her tears and looking up at the resident >philosopher. JOEL: Who? Mr. Torture here? TOM: He must have known O'Brien. CROW: [Leviathan] That was stupid, Winston! Er -- I mean, Gadget! > "Days after my father died, I closed myself off from the world, >building traps that would keep others from ever reaching me. CROW: [Gadget] They failed, of course, making me even more miserable. > I was too afraid >of having anyone around...getting too close to them, only to have them leave >me like my parents did. Then, four years ago, the Rangers met me, and I >decided to live with them--to make them my new family." JOEL: [Gadget] It's completely proved my fears wrong, but I choose to ignore that. > > "Gadget, I just realized something," Leviathan spoke. TOM: [Leviathan] Monty never wears pants. > "We've lived almost >similar lives. JOEL: [Leviathan] If you overlook the trivial fact that we have nothing in common. > Our parents have died, we never got the chance to tell them >goodbye, TOM: Didn't he tell us earlier that he forgave his parents and they forgave him? JOEL: Don't start. > and we've tried to make up for that loss. I had my way of doing so, CROW: [Leviathan] The same way of the Spanish Inquisition. >and you had yours. We've never forgotten them, TOM: [Leviathan] No matter how hard we try! > we must never forget them, and >hopefully, someday, we'll see them again. CROW: [Leviathan] Shirley McLane is an old friend of mine. > Until that day comes, Gadget, we >must continue to live our lives to the fullest." > JOEL: [Leviathan] Maiming and torturing others as we please. > "You're right." Gadget stood up and hugged Leviathan. "Thanks, Leviathan. TOM: [Gadget] For giving me mental scars for the rest of my life. >I really feel a lot better now." Unknown to either mouse, however, Zipper had >seen what had happened. JOEL: How? Clairvoyance? > He had received strict orders from Chip to keep an eye >on Gadget, CROW: And he had learned long ago the price of failure. > and to report whatever she did concerning Leviathan directly and >only to him. JOEL: What? The Rangers are now the CIA? > Zipper was now carrying out the latter part of his task, and was >flying back home at full speed to Ranger HQ to report to Chip. * * * TOM: This type of trust is what all the best teams are built on. > "Leviathan?" > > "Yes, Gadget?" Leviathan was now looking out a window, leaning on his >crutches. > > "I was just wondering-- CROW: [Gadget] Would you electrocute me again? > how did you save my life? I mean, how did you fire >that grappling hook?" TOM: [Gadget] I thought it was part of the union. > > "That is one of my tools. Look here." Leviathan pulled up his right >sleeve. Gadget looked in amazement at a device attached to Leviathan's wrist. TOM: It's a digital watch. So? >It had a grappling hook, at least a foot of wire, and a small firing >mechanism. CROW: Ah, a Swiss Army watch, no less. > > "Did you make this yourself?" Gadget asked in awe. > > "Yes. I have a similar device on my left arm, but that one is a little >bit more complicated than this one," Leviathan said, looking down at his left >arm. JOEL: Uh, why? > > "Can I see it?" Gadget's curiosity was like one of a little child. > TOM: Which fits in perfectly with the portrayed image of Gadget with a soul that is scarred and bruised, of course. > "Of course," Leviathan replied, TOM: See? > and he lifted up his left sleeve. Gadget >was even more amazed to see a device similar to the one she had just seen, CROW: She's easy to impress -- we get the point! > yet >the new one was equipped with a miniature crossbow, another grappling hook >launcher, and a set of four claws. ALL: [singing] Do-do-do-do-Do! Inspector Gadget! Do-do-do-do-Do! Whoo-hooooo! > "The claws are retractable, and I control >this device with my own thoughts." CROW: That Marvel lawsuit is pending. > > "How can you do that?" Gadget questioned, examining the blades. TOM: [Gadget] The blatant rip-off, I mean. > Then she >noticed a small wire running into his arm, with a small plug connecting into >the device. JOEL: So his highly-sophisticated cybernetic hinges on an extension cord? > > "I had an operation which ran that wire up my arm and connected it to my >brain. TOM: [Leviathan] They had to transplant one in first, of course. > The plug connects the wire--and thus, my brain--to a mini-computer, CROW: A minicomputer is a computer smaller than a mainframe yet larger than a desktop, or microcomputer. This mouse has an implanted computer weighing over a hundred pounds. We now return to our story. >which I use to control the blades, the crossbow, and the grappling hook. It's >complicated, but maybe one day I'll explain it to you." > CROW: [Leviathan] When you're older, honey. > "Wow..." TOM: [Gadget] That's pretty lame. > It was the only word Gadget could muster from her vast >vocabulary. She was in total awe of this mouse and the devices which he had >created-- JOEL: Because she's on the payroll. > one of which had saved her life. "Y'know, you'd make a great Rescue >Ranger, Leviathan!" > TOM: Yeah, they've been looking for someone with no trace of morals or humanity for a while, now. > "I think I would too, but I don't know if the other Rangers would like me >being so close to you, CROW: [Monty Python accent] Say no more, say no more! > especially after what I did to you." > JOEL: [Gadget] Oh, what's a lifetime of re-occurring nightmares between friends? > "Hey, wait a minute! You never told us that--why did you do what you did >to me?" JOEL: Oh yeah - she forgot completely. TOM: The term is "torture"! It's not something you can't say by name! > > "It's one heck of a story, Gadget..." > > "Too bad you won't have time to hear it! You're leaving!" Gadget spun >around to see Chip standing in the doorway, with Monterey Jack, Dale, and >Zipper directly behind him. "We don't exactly like the idea of you being near >him!" TOM: Which is why they had no problems leaving her alone with him the day before. CROW: Makes perfect sense. > > "Chip's right, Gadget! We all know what he did to you!" Dale chimed in. CROW: So it's okay to show explicit torture in a Rescue Ranger story, so long as none of the characters ever mention it by name. JOEL: Apparently. >"How do you know he won't do it again?" > > "You know what? I haven't even got me punch in yet!" Monterey walked into >the room and over to Leviathan. "Now you're gonna get it!" TOM: [Monty] Gimme yer glass, and I'll ladle up a cup for ya. It's a citrus blend-- > > "Monty, no!" Gadget looked up at him with tears in her eyes. Monty had no >idea why, but he backed off of Leviathan as soon as he looked at her. "Guys, >leave us alone. We were only talking about..." CROW: [Gadget] Stuff. > > "Gadget, let them stay. If they want to hear the names of the criminals >who forced me to torture you, that is," Leviathan said. All of the Rangers >piled into the room. TOM: [Dale] Well, we already entered the room, but once more can't hurt! > Chip shut the door behind him. > > "You've got two minutes to explain yourself," Chip stated. * * * JOEL: Stated with such force that everyone saw stars.... > > "About two weeks ago, Don and I were walking JOEL: Down Madison? TOM: In Memphis? CROW: The Dog? > around the city when two >unnamed criminals approached me with an interesting offer TOM: He doesn't know their names, but knows they're criminals. Gotcha. JOEL: If he doesn't know their names, than how can he tell the Rangers? CROW: Hah! He's stalling. > --they could make me >the richest mouse in the world--if I just got rid of all five of you." > > "Who were they?" Chip asked. He looked at the clock--one minute, forty- >five seconds left. JOEL: The Broncos didn't have much time to score before the game was over.... > > "I'll tell you in a minute. After I refused their offer, we were jumped >from behind," Leviathan related. "I was knocked out immediately. TOM: You know, for someone who's supposed to be this expert fighter, he sure is prone to being knocked out easily. > When I awoke, >we were in a small metal room--similar to the one I kept Gadget in. CROW: [Leviathan] It had no floor. Really inconvenient. > We were >subjected to a form of mind control, and, while under hypnosis, we were >ordered to destroy the Rescue Rangers--starting with Gadget, then eventually >the rest of you." CROW: Sure, they can trust that story perfectly. You bet. > > "So it wasn't your fault you hurt me! You were being controlled by >someone else who forced you to do it!" Gadget exclaimed. > JOEL: Ain't that handy? > "So who did it, mate?" Monty asked, noting that Leviathan now had one >minute left. TOM: So this is Final Jeopardy now? > "Who put ya up to it?" > > "Again, that can wait. CROW: [Leviathan] Until I can make up something--wait! I didn't say that! > The hypnosis we were under apparently either >temporary or not that strong, because after I saw Gadget again, my mind began >to come back under my control. JOEL: So to speak. > I realized what I had done, and I wanted to >only save Gadget, then destroy myself." Leviathan looked at his legs. "I >failed in the second part of my task, as you can see. JOEL: [Leviathan] Boy, is my face red.... > Don's hypnosis must have >worn off much earlier than that, TOM: Because he realized what a wretched story this was and got out while the getting was good. > because he kept trying to stop me from >harming Gadget. He must not have remembered our little encounter, because I >kept trying to explain to him what those two villains would do for us if we >destroyed you, but he wouldn't listen. CROW: [Leviathan] Fortunately, he didn't try to stop me forcefully or set Gadget free or anything else like that. Maybe if he had a backbone. > Now you know what happened." The >Rangers now realized that these two criminals were the "employers" Leviathan >had referred to during his talk with Don. TOM: Thanks for pointing that out for me. I was a little lost, there, I must admit. > > "Okay, we know what happened, and why you harmed Gadget," Dale said. "But >who was controlling you?" CROW: [Dale] The Membari or the Changelings? > > "I believe they are two of your arch-enemies: a mouse named Norton Nimnul >and Fat Cat." JOEL: [Gadget] Oh, yeah, I forget about them whenever someone asked who would want to torture--I mean, to "do this" to me. They're only arch-enemies, after all. CROW: Nimnul's a mouse? TOM: It ties in with a better story. CROW: Most stories are... > > -END Chapter VII- > > >============================================================================ JOEL: Fanfic line. Do not cross. TOM: Too bad the author didn't listen. > > -Chapter VIII- > > "Nimnul and Fat Cat!" Chip exclaimed. He, nor any of the other Rangers, >made a note of the time any more. "They teamed up to take us out--and forced >you and Don to do their dirty work!" TOM: And they needed to team up to do this, why, exactly? > > "They'll do anything to rule the world," Gadget explained to Leviathan. >"We've foiled every one of their plans so far!" she bragged. JOEL: And now the scarred and bruised soul of Gadget is bragging. Oh dear. > > "Apparently, they weren't expecting you to stop this one. CROW: [Leviathan] Which is pretty stupid, given your track record. > At least now I >remember everything. I can tell you that I was put under their control in this >huge building that looked like it had a giant globe on the top of it..." TOM: He can tell this because he was inside, you know. CROW: Oh, I know. > > "Nimnul's laboratory!" Dale shouted. "That's where you were! But if >Nimnul is still a mouse, how can he use the equipment in there?" > > "Maybe he got Fat Cat to do it," Monterey joked. CROW: Uh... Ha, ha...? > > "Or maybe he became human again," Zipper said. TOM: Maybe he rigged up a weird system of pulleys and levers. CROW: Maybe he got Lassie to go get help. JOEL: Maybe the author didn't want to bother with it. > Every one of the Rangers >thought about this. Nimnul may have had a backup Molecular Rearranger at his >lab. They had never considered this. JOEL: You can store the darnest things on Zip disks these days! > > "I do remember seeing a human with thick glasses and a white lab coat. He >was short and bald, too," Leviathan said. TOM: But... didn't he say Nimnul was a mouse? JOEL: [Shouts offstage] Continuity! > > "That's Nimnul, all right!" Gadget was moving towards the door. "C'mon, >guys, let's go give those two a good reminder that the good guys always win!" CROW: Except in fanfics. > > "Right! Rescue Rangers..." ALL: Run away! > > "Wait." Every one of the Rangers turned and looked at Leviathan. "I want >to go with you. After all, I want a little revenge myself. Can I return to >your headquarters with you? JOEL: [Leviathan] Can I? CanIhuhhuhhuhCanIplease?!? > I can help you plan for your assault on Nimnul." > > "Sure, I guess. ALL: [The Rangers] Duhhhhh.... > Is it okay with you guys?" Chip asked Monty, Zipper, and >Dale. Each of them nodded yes. JOEL: Not having received permission to speak. > "Gadget?" > JOEL: [Gadget] Woof! > "Fine with me. I'll get the Ranger Plane ready." Gadget walked out of the >hospital to the Ranger Plane--and saw the Ranger Wing sitting right beside it. TOM: Playing poker. The Ranger Plane accused the Wing of cheating, and things started to turn ugly.... >* * * > > "What...who..." TOM: Nobody has a clue as to what's going on in this story, do they? CROW: Good. I don't feel so bad, then. > > "We took it to a mechanic and had it repaired while you in the hospital. TOM: [Chip] Just to remind you that you can be replaced. JOEL: Great, Chip's talking like Tarzan now. CROW: [Chip/Tarzan] While you in hospital, dishes not cleaned. Glad you back. >It was going to be a surprise when you woke up, but..." Chip trailed off. JOEL: [Chip] So now we have to knock you out and try it again. [POW!] > He >and the other Rangers had helped Leviathan out of the hospital CROW: By throwing him out the window. > and were now >helping him into the Ranger Wing. Dale and Monterey flew with Leviathan in the >Ranger Wing, while Gadget, Chip, and Zipper rode in the Ranger Plane. > > "Golly, Chip, I thought that you wouldn't want Leviathan near me after >what he did to me!" JOEL: Guys, I'm guessing that Steve apparently *did* think that "torture" was a "dirty word". TOM: I'd have to agree. > > "Well, I guess he's okay," Chip said. JOEL: [Chip] It's not like he forced a kiss upon you when you were held helplessly to the rack -- why are you gagging like that? > "I mean, he didn't try to hurt you >while you were alone with him, so I don't think he'll try to hurt you again." TOM: Thus explaining why the others never "officially" made Chip the leader. >Chip knew, however, that Leviathan would have to be watched closely during his >stay at Ranger HQ--a job he would now take care of personally. CROW: [Tor Johnson] Chip have new best buddy! > > "Y'know, Chip, Leviathan's led a very harsh life. JOEL: Which, of course, excuses all of his present behavior. > You wouldn't believe >what it was like." TOM: So let's forget the whole thing right now. > For the remainder of the flight, Gadget related as best she >remembered what Leviathan had told her about his life to her friend. Chip, as >Gadget had predicted, hardly believed what she had said. CROW: [Chip] And you believe that crock of-- > > "You're kidding!" Chip exclaimed. "You mean..." CROW: [Chip] You meanie! > Gadget nodded. "Oh, >man... JOEL: [Chip] Those White Castle burgers I had are catching up with me... [urp]. > I've never heard of anything like that happening. Y'know, I think I >understand his motives now--why he became a vigilante." TOM: [Chip] In fact, I think we need to install a torture room in the tree as soon as we get back. > > "So do I." Then she thought silently, 'But I understand more than his >motives, Chip.' CROW: [Gadget] Robots pummeling me mercilessly has opened my eyes to his plight. > Gadget landed the Ranger Plane behind the Ranger Wing. All of >the Rangers helped Leviathan into Ranger HQ, then led him to the couch so he >could rest. CROW: After all, he did spend the whole day at the hospital... uh, resting. > > "Thank you very much, Rescue Rangers. TOM: [Leviathan] But why are you strapping me down? And what's that anvil overhead for? Kinda a strange windchime-- > I'm going to rest for a while, so I >don't want to be disturbed, okay?" Leviathan sat down on the couch. CROW: [Leviathan] Got that, punks? > > "Sure, Leviathan. We'll wake you up just before dinner. TOM: [Chip] That's what the anvil is for. > That okay with >you?" Chip asked. JOEL: [Chip] Mr. Pansy-Boy? > > "Fine. See you in about ten hours." Leviathan laid down, then shortly >went to sleep. The other Rangers went about their normal daily chores, JOEL: Their normal daily chores last ten hours each?! CROW: And if it's ten hours before dinner, wouldn't they want to wake him up for lunch? > albeit >a little quiter, so as not to disturb their unexpected guest. * * * > > "Leviathan, wake up," Dale said as he lightly JOEL: Cut the line holding the anvil up. > shook Leviathan. Leviathan >slowly rose and returned to reality. TOM: So he woke up *after* he stood up? > > "What, dinner time already?" Leviathan joked. CROW: Ha. Ha ha. TOM: I've got to confess - I have problems with Strider's humor. JOEL: Maybe he thinks "joked" is a synonym for "said." > He took his crutches and >followed Dale into the kitchen. CROW: Why'd he take them if he isn't using them? > The other Rangers were waiting for their >friend and their guest before starting to eat. TOM: Leviathan was stated as the guest, so where's their friend? JOEL: Wolf and Wescott are probably in the back rooms. > "What are we eating tonight?" TOM: [Dale] Two mice that were roasted alive in a house that burned down over ten years ago. Why? > > "Cheese chowder--my favorite," Monterey called. CROW: Ugh. The roasted mice would have tasted better. > He brought in five plates >of cheese chowder--Zipper had once again gone out for dinner. CROW: Anything to get off the set. > "You ever had >any, Leviathan?" JOEL: [Leviathan] Roast mice? Well, now that you mention it-- > > "Hmmm...only once, when I was a kid," Leviathan said. ALL: AAAAAA!! > Chip and Gadget >simultaneously looked at him. "My mom made the stuff from a recipe a friend of >hers had given her. TOM: I thought Cheese Chowder was an old recipe from Monty's family? JOEL: I doubt Steve worried about it. > I think his name was Geegaw...Geegaw Hackwrench..." > > "You knew Geegaw Hackwrench?!?" Gadget leaped up from her chair. She had >never told Leviathan the name of her father, so he didn't know who Geegaw >really was--or why Gadget asked about him. TOM: What with "Hackwrench" being such a common name and all. CROW: [Leviathan] Oh, no, wait -- now I remember. He was the person I tested all my torture devices on. Oh, I was under mind control then, too. Really. > > "I kinda remember him. I was only ten years old when I saw him last. He >was a very nice person. JOEL: [Leviathan] For an idiot. > I remember his kid, too. CROW: [Leviathan] What a dork! If she ever found out I was the one who broke her toys -- why are you looking at me like that, Gadget? > She was about six years old >when I last saw her...always making stuff with things around her--blocks, >paper, JOEL: [Leviathan] Component atoms. > anything. I forgot her name, though..." > > "It was Gadget. Geegaw was Gadget's father, mate," Monty explained. JOEL: Rather casual for a heart-stopping revelation, isn't it? TOM: Well, this *is* Monterey Jack, and he's eating cheese. > > "Oh...I--I didn't know..." Leviathan was about to stop speaking and eat, CROW: But the hideous taste of the chowder was causing him to-- >but the smile on Gadget's face told him everything was okay. "He was very >resourceful and smart, Gadget. JOEL: So resourceful and smart, in fact, that he was cut down in the prime of his life. > You definitely inherited both of those traits." > CROW: [Leviathan] Expect your death any day now. > "Golly, thanks..." Gadget started to blush. Chip and Dale were starting >to turn green with jealousy. TOM: Actually, my money's on the stench from the pile that Leviathan has been shoveling out. > > "Well, ready to eat?" Monty started to eat. Everyone soon followed suit. CROW: Ah, a formal dinner. > > -END Chapter VIII- TOM: Time to go, guys. [Door sequence run in reverse.] [SoL] [Joel is seen in a close-up shot.] JOEL: Hello, and welcome to the Satellite of Love's dramatization of George Orwell's immortal classic "1984", starring the characters of "The Dark Savior Saga". Playing the part of the emotional distraught Gadget, who is cast as Winston, will be our very own Tom Servo. [The camera trucks back, revealing Tom strapped to a small rack set-up on the counter. He's wearing mouseears, a jumpsuit, and has his arms stretched back.] JOEL: Playing the part of madman O'Brien, portrayed by Leviathan, is Crow T. Robot. [Crow pops up from behind the counter wearing a long trenchcoat.] JOEL: Here, they will re-enact the infamous scene in the Ministry of Love. [Joel steps off-camera while Crow advances meaningly on Tom.] CROW: So, tell me Winston-- TOM: Gadget CROW: Right, Gadget -- how does one rodent assert his power over another? TOM: By getting the author on his side? CROW: Exactly. By being a surrogate. Favoritism is not enough. For unless the other rodent character is suffering, how can you be sure that you are truly to most powerful creature in the author's world? Power is inflicting pain and humiliation on characters you don't like. Power is in tearing established personalities to shreds and rebuilding them in entirely new forms to your own liking. Power is having Gadget fall in love with you. TOM: Power is being a Fanfic author? CROW: Yes! Do you see the type of world they are creating in Ranger fanfics? It is the exact opposite of the stupid innocent world of comedy and adventure the series was about. These are worlds of angst and suffering and depression, a world of chapter-length descriptions of characters crying, a world that will depress mice enough to swallow DeCon and jump into an open cat's mouth. Progress in these worlds will be progress towards building the better mousetrap. [Pause.] CROW: It's pretty depressing when you think about it. TOM: Uh... isn't that the whole point? CROW: Oh, right! [ahem] Now, you shall go to Room 101, where you will have the idea -- the idea of taking a good story and turning it into a complete slap in the face to anyone with a cerebral cortex -- drilled into your head! TOM: [fearfully] Wh-what's in Room 101? CROW: [darkly] You know what's in Room 101, Winston -- Gadget -- whoever you're supposed to be. TOM: You mean-- CROW: Yes! It's where you're strapped into a "Clockwork Orange"-style chair and are forced to watch the live action version of "101 Dalmatians" over and over again! Hahahahaha!! TOM: NOOOOOOOOO!! [Crow continues his maniacal laughter while Tom wails piteously. The commercial light starts to flash.] CROW: [abruptly stopping] Oh. TOM: Commercial sign. See you in a couple of minutes, everyone. [They resume screaming and laughing.]